Venting im trans and im sick of my biggest struggle in life being a political topic.

[illvoid]

I can't take this shit anymore. I don't know if I'll see 30 whether I CTB or not. I want to be happy and recover and leave all this suicidal shit behind me. Everything wrong with me psychologically is treatable, but the world around me isn't. Sometimes I wish I never came to terms with my identity. I was miserable, but I never once was paranoid that living my life and minding my own business would put me in danger. The only moments I can truly enjoy are spent alone. I hate leaving my house. I hate living where I live but the violent rhetoric isn't isolated to one place, it's everywhere. One of the best days of my life was ruined by turning on the news. I wish cis people could understand what it feels like, even just for a moment, to constantly see yourself portrayed as some kind of monster when youve done nothing to deserve it. It feels like there's no escape unless i CTB. Either I continue with my transition and keep watching the world around me become increasingly hostile towards people like me, or I detransition and go back to being completely disturbed by my own reflection. It doesn't matter what I do, the end result will probably be the same regardless. I wish there was a better option. I really, truly do wish I could recover but it feels impossible like this. I just want to enjoy my life for once. I just want to be fucking happy.

 

[motoko_s9]

I know this won't be much comfort, but the war on trans is carefully coordinated and it's a war on everybody's rights. It's about religion and right wing social conservatives taking back control of bodily autonomy and the human rights agenda. It's about establishing precedents and getting a foot back in the door.

The sooner everyone wises up to this, the better.

 

[illvoid]

I know this won't be much comfort, but the war on trans is carefully coordinated and it's a war on everybody's rights. It's about religion and right wing social conservatives taking back control of bodily autonomy and the human rights agenda. It's about establishing precedents and getting a foot back in the door.

The sooner everyone wises up to this, the better.

No, definitely not very comforting on its own, but I do find strange comfort in the fact that people aren't completely blind to this. Thank you for taking the time to reply, i really appreciate it.

 

[enduringwinter]

Not trans but I can sympathise with the disgust with politics, as a stateless immigrant. So unbearably crushing. It makes me hate humanity.

 

[msesis]

I can't take this shit anymore. I don't know if I'll see 30 whether I CTB or not. I want to be happy and recover and leave all this suicidal shit behind me. Everything wrong with me psychologically is treatable, but the world around me isn't. Sometimes I wish I never came to terms with my identity. I was miserable, but I never once was paranoid that living my life and minding my own business would put me in danger. The only moments I can truly enjoy are spent alone. I hate leaving my house. I hate living where I live but the violent rhetoric isn't isolated to one place, it's everywhere. One of the best days of my life was ruined by turning on the news. I wish cis people could understand what it feels like, even just for a moment, to constantly see yourself portrayed as some kind of monster when youve done nothing to deserve it. It feels like there's no escape unless i CTB. Either I continue with my transition and keep watching the world around me become increasingly hostile towards people like me, or I detransition and go back to being completely disturbed by my own reflection. It doesn't matter what I do, the end result will probably be the same regardless. I wish there was a better option. I really, truly do wish I could recover but it feels impossible like this. I just want to enjoy my life for once. I just want to be fucking happy.

I'm sorry, it's really unfair. I hope you don't have to detransition and can find somewhere where you can be safe and celebrated.

 

[Minu]

I am in a similar situation as you. My biggest hope is getting to a point in my transition where no one can tell i am trans and i dont have to deal with any transphobia anymore. That thought really helps me to keep going.

 

[astr4]

it's so awful what you have to deal with in this world. someone else's identity should never be up for debate. humans can be so needlessly judgemental, i'm sorry that others bigotry has led you here.

 

[fleetingnight]

I wish I had words of reassurance, but all I can do is say that I really feel this. I'm sick of seeing my identity in the news the second I wake up. Even when I'm feeling hopeful about recovery, the second I see that, I want to die again.

 

[illvoid]

Not trans but I can sympathise with the disgust with politics, as a stateless immigrant. So unbearably crushing. It makes me hate humanity.

My heart goes out to you and everyone else who's had to go through this. Nobody ever deserves to be discriminated against or have any aspect of who they are used against them, but when politicians do it it's a whole different kind of evil. I hope you're doing okay.

I am in a similar situation as you. My biggest hope is getting to a point in my transition where no one can tell i am trans and i dont have to deal with any transphobia anymore. That thought really helps me to keep going.

This is my goal as well. I hope you are able to get to that point and feel safe, but it's so unfortunate that it has to be this way. Human decency shouldn't be conditional.

it's so awful what you have to deal with in this world. someone else's identity should never be up for debate. humans can be so needlessly judgemental, i'm sorry that others bigotry has led you here.

Thank you for taking the time out of your day to read and respond, I really appreciate it. Seeing so many kind words in this thread has honestly given me some hope, after a while it starts to feel like everyone is against us. I'm glad to see that I was wrong.

I wish I had words of reassurance, but all I can do is say that I really feel this. I'm sick of seeing my identity in the news the second I wake up. Even when I'm feeling hopeful about recovery, the second I see that, I want to die again.

Recovery when you're trans can really feel like an uphill battle, especially these days. Dysphoria is hard enough without bigotry. I'm sorry you're in the same boat. Nobody should have to suffer because of someone else's actions.

 

[seventynineZ]

Weird I get the same feeling for my skin color ngl. Felt like I was reading my own words lmao. Annoying that something that I have no control over is so heavily tied to my identity and I can never overcome that whether I'd like to or not. It is easily the least interesting part about me, its shallow af and unimportant 99% of the time. Idgaf about the history of my skin color, I don't need an opinion on what other people of my skin color are doing and I'm just fucking tired hearing about the social issues regarding my skin color. I just want to be happy please. It won't change and it's only getting worse.
I fucking hate social media for fueling tf out of all of this shit.

 

[DeathSleep]

I'm trans too. I can relate. Being trans and all the things that come with it is one of the top reasons that I want to CTB. My family doesn't get it. I don't talk to them anymore. I'm dysphoric. I'm alone. I get really uncomfortable when it gets brought up in politics. I just don't want to be here anymore.

 

[enduringwinter]

My heart goes out to you and everyone else who's had to go through this. Nobody ever deserves to be discriminated against or have any aspect of who they are used against them, but when politicians do it it's a whole different kind of evil. I hope you're doing okay.

Thank you for your kindness even though you are also suffering, I really hope you will find a way to be happy too. You deserve it so much.

I can't believe all of us here feel the same even though our backgrounds are so different. The sentiment is against us and everyone discusses these things (policies against minorities) with such a casual cruelty. They think we are some sort of unfeeling unthinking vermins. This is why I always give up on friends because at some point I cannot bear it anymore. I developed actual diseases from this stress