I’m too depressing to have friends.

[Black Rose Bunny]

I've always wondered why I always lose friends after being friends for you a little bit if time. Today my friend told me no one wants to hang out with me because I make everyone depressed. I guess I can't do much about it because I just radiate extreme depression, and no chance of my depression getting better. So I guess I'll never be close to anyone, or maintain friends

 

[enigmática saudade]

Same. I feel you, I'm too toxic and annoying because of my depression and bpd so I scare people away and ruined my friendships.

 

[SuiSqueeze92]

Same. I feel you, I'm too toxic and annoying because of my depression and bpd so I scare people away and ruined my friendships.

Yepppppp. I tell people this too and they think I'm joking a lot of the time lol like workplace situations usually. Then I'm public enemy number one.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Hey honey. I have a close friend who is like that n i too have my moments..it's not that I/ppl don't wanna b around her, it's just that she can sometimes b draining..I know how hard it is to put on a "happy face" when I'm not, but when I'm in a "mood" it can b a bit of a downer for ppl around me, so I keep to myself those times..it sux..I know what u mean..

 

[Hopeindeath!]

I know it's not the same but, you can have friends here.

 

[mrwonderful]

who needs em, im good with my chihuahuas

 

[Black Rose Bunny]

Hey honey. I have a close friend who is like that n i too have my moments..it's not that I/ppl don't wanna b around her, it's just that she can sometimes b draining..I know how hard it is to put on a "happy face" when I'm not, but when I'm in a "mood" it can b a bit of a downer for ppl around me, so I keep to myself those times..it sux..I know what u mean..

Yeah that's always a big worry of mine too, I feel like if I'm venting with a friend then I'm just draining them of their energy. Especially since there isn't anything to say that would make me feel better most of the time. It just makes me feel like a terrible person so I try to just kind of bottle my feelings up, but that just makes me hurt more. Really though, it doesn't matter that much anyways since when I do vent they stopped really saying much of anything back to me, they'll reply to one sentence I said and not more than that. That is if I'm lucky I'm lucky, sometimes it's "that sucks, please don't hurt yourself :c"

 

[CyanideSoup]

I'll be your friend its hard for people who don't know what you're going through to understand your pain and that depression isn't your choice. If you need somebody to talk to with no judgement you can PM me any time

 

[Cevapcici]

Well...it's a complicated topic. The harsh truth of life is people have their own problems to deal with, and when they hang out with someone they want excitement, and re-charge of positive energy - not feeling guilty of not being able to do something to ease someone's suffering. Can't really blame them for that. I have secluded myself because I know I am met with pity by my friends, and I suspect they'd rather see me dead than like this...

That's why I only socialize on " good days "... I of all people should know how easy it is to make someone go from passive suicidality to active simply by dragging them down emotionally.

But everyone gets you here, as mentioned previously there's a lot of people who would love being friends with you on this forum.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Yeah that's always a big worry of mine too, I feel like if I'm venting with a friend then I'm just draining them of their energy. Especially since there isn't anything to say that would make me feel better most of the time. It just makes me feel like a terrible person so I try to just kind of bottle my feelings up, but that just makes me hurt more. Really though, it doesn't matter that much anyways since when I do vent they stopped really saying much of anything back to me, they'll reply to one sentence I said and not more than that. That is if I'm lucky I'm lucky, sometimes it's "that sucks, please don't hurt yourself :c"

Exactly! I feel like many ppl r just not equipped to handle many of our struggles..they don't have the answer so I don't even bother to tell sometimes..But ur absolutely right, it's not good to keep it in either. That's y forums like these r so therapeutic..we get to release all the "madness" here, n act "normal" out there..lol

 

[Black Rose Bunny]

I'll be your friend its hard for people who don't know what you're going through to understand your pain and that depression isn't your choice. If you need somebody to talk to with no judgement you can PM me any time

Thank you for that, I really appreciate it, you can message me too whenever you're in need of someone to talk to :)

Well...it's a complicated topic. The harsh truth of life is people have their own problems to deal with, and when they hang out with someone they want excitement, and re-charge of positive energy - not feeling guilty of not being able to do something to ease someone's suffering. Can't really blame them for that. I have secluded myself because I know I am met with pity by my friends, and I suspect they'd rather see me dead than like this...

That's why I only socialize on " good days "... I of all people should know how easy it is to make someone go from passive suicidality to active simply by dragging them down emotionally.

But everyone gets you here, as mentioned previously there's a lot of people who would love being friends with you on this forum.

Yeah I definitely don't blame anyone for this, I can see how it would be depressing and draining. No one is under any obligation to socialize with anyone, especially if it's damaging to their mental health. I just feel like it's a bad situation for me, and it kind of sucks realizing I probably won't have anyone in my life due to my depression.

 

[Jean4]

I'm 51 years old. The first time I developed friendships was when I came here.

It may not be you can't develop friendships. It may be you were picking the wrong people to try to develop friendships with, as they don't understand you.

You now have us. We understand you, and you can develop friendships here. You can start with me. I'll be your friend. See? That wasn't difficult!

 

[issyishere]

first of all i love your little stardew chicken profile pic. Second of all, Jean is right, you just haven't met the right people. Sure, we might be too gloomy for THOSE people but I imagine i'd enjoy your company because I'm the same way. More people like me and you exist. Some people seem to lie to themselves about being happy with friends, everyone at the end of the day just wants somebody to be around so they're not alone. Sometimes It's just nice to know that somebody's listening. I'm sure you'll meet someone who enjoys your company. In the meantime we're here for you. Shoot me a dm if you want to talk anytime.

 

[Black Rose Bunny]

first of all i love your little stardew chicken profile pic. Second of all, Jean is right, you just haven't met the right people. Sure, we might be too gloomy for THOSE people but I imagine i'd enjoy your company because I'm the same way. More people like me and you exist. Some people seem to lie to themselves about being happy with friends, everyone at the end of the day just wants somebody to be around so they're not alone. Sometimes It's just nice to know that somebody's listening. I'm sure you'll meet someone who enjoys your company. In the meantime we're here for you. Shoot me a dm if you want to talk anytime.

Yeah stardew valley is the best :) yeah loneliness is painful, even just being around people who don't understand you is.. thank you for that, sorry I'm kind of socially awkward and I'm not really sure how to start a conversation with a stranger

 

[voyager]

Don't have any rl friends anymore, and tbh it doesn't bother me. Friends can be important, but when I became a recluse due to mhi I only wanted to be left alone. The thing I do regret is pushing my best friend and first crush away, that was stupid of me. The former tried for three years into the mhi to drag me out of the mess. Best friend I ever had, and never told him how much I appreciated him. Whereas my former crush visited me three years after the mhi began, she had just got her license and I turned her away. I'm not too smart. Most of my other "friends" though were a waste of time, they were just there for me when I was fit, fun, enriched their lives or somehow else could take an advantage of me. They never once bothered checking on me.

I know it's not the same but, you can have friends here.

I'm 51 years old. The first time I developed friendships was when I came here.

It may not be you can't develop friendships. It may be you were picking the wrong people to try to develop friendships with, as they don't understand you.

You now have us. We understand you, and you can develop friendships here. You can start with me. I'll be your friend. See? That wasn't difficult!

I very much agree. I know this board can't replace everything, but I've read and had some far more profound posts/talks with people on here than I did in the supposedly real world and the funny thing is that on the outside I'm a complete mess. A life destroyed by mhi and social anxiety, with nothing to offer society, and my beliefs constantly disputed. A pariah. Here though I feel like a normal person among peers.

 

[BorderlineSuixide]

i understand... i'm here to make friends like me who understand. i'm too toxic and depressing for anyone to like me :(

 

[porfin1234]

I'm in the same boat (had a period where it was the complete opposite but sabotaged that).
I get it. People have their own issues and I'm draining. And I get stuck on certain trains of thoughts. So now I just avoid people for the most part. Some friends I had made check in from time to time. I just wish them the best.

 

[TAW122]

I've noticed this phenomenon as well for myself. I had people I thought were friends, but then out of nowhere, they disappeared, ghosted and/or ignored me. No explanation either, and it's not that I've said or even done anything. This is prevalent both online and offline as well (I remember having a thread mentioning about how if people are not nice/nasty online then they are likely the same IRL/online behavior reflects their true self that they might not otherwise show IRL.). Even though there are articles defending and dismissing the notion that people who are xyz way online aren't xyz way offline, but I disagree with those articles...

Anyways, I'm sorry that you are experiencing this and I can somewhat relate as well. This is one of the major reasons for my wanting to check out of this life too.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Sometimes it works for me, but only when I'm able to forget myself. It's just that they live in a world that's still whole, that still makes sense to them, where there is justice, beauty, everlasting youth, safety, etc etc and I live in this wasteland trying to survive somehow on radiated water and rat carcasses. It's hard to get on a wavelength with these people without being drunk; sometimes I have something like a paradoxical reaction to my circumstances and I get really energetic and outgoing and make jokes the whole night but it's gotten less and less frequent over the years where now I try to spare my friends the disappointment of hanging out with me. I don't want to burst their bubble (not that I even could, they just think there's something wrong with me; I console myself sometimes with the fact that the day will come, when they, on their deathbeds or in old age will realize that I was right, that this life sucks (can suck, sucks for many if not most) and will have this eureka moment haha... But probably no, they won't).

i understand... i'm here to make friends like me who understand. i'm too toxic and depressing for anyone to like me :(

Don't beat yourself up. I know toxic people with a lot of "friends", status, etc..

 

[Black Rose Bunny]

I've noticed this phenomenon as well for myself. I had people I thought were friends, but then out of nowhere, they disappeared, ghosted and/or ignored me. No explanation either, and it's not that I've said or even done anything. This is prevalent both online and offline as well (I remember having a thread mentioning about how if people are not nice/nasty online then they are likely the same IRL/online behavior reflects their true self that they might not otherwise show IRL.). Even though there are articles defending and dismissing the notion that people who are xyz way online aren't xyz way offline, but I disagree with those articles...

Anyways, I'm sorry that you are experiencing this and I can somewhat relate as well. This is one of the major reasons for my wanting to check out of this life too.

Yeah, that's happened to me a lot too, especially in high school. People would have crushes on me too, and quickly lose them when they got to know me. I can't really remember if I was depressing or not in high school though, I knew I was going to kms though, but I think back then it happened because I was extremely awkward. Now I know it's because I get really depressed, and obsessive over what people think of me. :(

but yea I've never really been close to anyone because of it. And I've never been able to keep a friend for more than 2 years. I can definitely relate to it being a factor toward suicide, I feel really defective..

 

[Ringoooooo]

I've noticed this phenomenon as well for myself. I had people I thought were friends, but then out of nowhere, they disappeared, ghosted and/or ignored me. No explanation either, and it's not that I've said or even done anything. This is prevalent both online and offline as well (I remember having a thread mentioning about how if people are not nice/nasty online then they are likely the same IRL/online behavior reflects their true self that they might not otherwise show IRL.). Even though there are articles defending and dismissing the notion that people who are xyz way online aren't xyz way offline, but I disagree with those articles...

Anyways, I'm sorry that you are experiencing this and I can somewhat relate as well. This is one of the major reasons for my wanting to check out of this life too.

I think the ways most people act online are similar to real life, depends on the environment of the website and the people they're surrounded with. Probably why alot of 4channers act like dick's.

 

[Lady Lazarus 2020]

Sometimes it works for me, but only when I'm able to forget myself. It's just that they live in a world that's still whole, that still makes sense to them, where there is justice, beauty, everlasting youth, safety, etc etc and I live in this wasteland trying to survive somehow on radiated water and rat carcasses. It's hard to get on a wavelength with these people without being drunk; sometimes I have something like a paradoxical reaction to my circumstances and I get really energetic and outgoing and make jokes the whole night but it's gotten less and less frequent over the years where now I try to spare my friends the disappointment of hanging out with me. I don't want to burst their bubble (not that I even could, they just think there's something wrong with me; I console myself sometimes with the fact that the day will come, when they, on their deathbeds or in old age will realize that I was right, that this life sucks (can suck, sucks for many if not most) and will have this eureka moment haha... But probably no, they won't).

Don't beat yourself up. I know toxic people with a lot of "friends", status, etc..

You just told my story. I can't believe it.

Yeah, that's happened to me a lot too, especially in high school. People would have crushes on me too, and quickly lose them when they got to know me. I can't really remember if I was depressing or not in high school though, I knew I was going to kms though, but I think back then it happened because I was extremely awkward. Now I know it's because I get really depressed, and obsessive over what people think of me. :(

but yea I've never really been close to anyone because of it. And I've never been able to keep a friend for more than 2 years. I can definitely relate to it being a factor toward suicide, I feel really defective..

Let's be friends! This is my third week here and I have crossed paths w a lot of people and everyone is nice but no one seems to stick...like we talk every day or they check on me...It would be nice to keep in regular touch with someone and feel like I have a friend here.

 

[Not_Quite_Dead_Yet]

Here though I feel like a normal person among peers.
[/QUOTE]

I have not a clue what a normal person feels like among peers. Guess you first gotta find peers to test the waters?

 

[Xena87]

People are shit anyway you're not missing much! Buy a dog, dogs are better than humans

 

[Black Rose Bunny]

You just told my story. I can't believe it.

Let's be friends! This is my third week here and I have crossed paths w a lot of people and everyone is nice but no one seems to stick...like we talk every day or they check on me...It would be nice to keep in regular touch with someone and feel like I have a friend here.

Thank you that would mean a lot to me :)

 

[Phinleh]

I can make and keep friends short term. I have a well crafted mask I wear when I'm around people but keeping it on is exhausting and I eventually start to slip.

When that happens and they realise what a depressing sack of shit I am, they leave. I don't blame them.

 

[TheSuicidalEccentric]

I can be your friend man. If life is too depressing and shit, what would you think about running away into the wilderness with me and maybe other people on here? Start our own society and take our chances that way.

 

[Backwoodsqueer]

Sounds exactly like my life. No one wants to stick around because I can't be happy and cheery all the time. I'd love to be your friend, though. Let me know if you want my Discord or something.

 

[Lady Lazarus 2020]

Thank you that would mean a lot to me :)

I'll pm you!