Venting I'm to blame

[Fallen bad23]

so I use this OTC sleeping pills to sleep my days away. whenever I get over 4 pill I never sleep I just act sort of crazy like I just cut off my hair and ruined it in any. I also got a bit of mad and angry at mum for a stupid thing that we could have just talked about instead. Now she talks about raising me all over again, I'm 24 btw.
I know that in my normal days I would never do this but I also get angry easily lately.
I just want to die
HUGS HUGS to you all

 

[Donewith_]

i'm sorry you are hurting. we all have our bad days. i just sleep some days when i don't feel good.. everyone have their own coping mechanisms. sometimes, nothing helps me .. that's when i feel like shit.

 

[Fallen bad23]

Now I'm talking to her and she pushes and asks me to go sit anywhere away from her. And my little sis says that dad wants to beat us all up becasue of what I did. I have no problem owning up for what I did but why on earth should I be punished for hurting myself and myself only!!!!! If wants dad to " act like a man" why don't he just face me.

i'm sorry you are hurting. we all have our bad days. i just sleep some days when i don't feel good.. everyone have their own coping mechanisms. sometimes, nothing helps me .. that's when i feel like shit.

sleeping for a day or two never calms me down but it takes away few days of what left of my life , hopefullt there isn't a lot left. I have been trying to seek the least trumatic way to ctb so I don't hurt them yet this is what you get. I wish I did it before and got it over with.

 

[Donewith_]

Now I'm talking to her and she pushes and asks me to go sit anywhere away from her. And my little sis says that dad wants to beat us all up becasue of what I did. I have no problem owning up for what I did but why on earth should I be punished for hurting myself and myself only!!!!! If wants dad to " act like a man" why don't he just face me.

sleeping for a day or two never calms me down but it takes away few days of what left of my life , hopefullt there isn't a lot left. I have been trying to seek the least trumatic way to ctb so I don't hurt them yet this is what you get. I wish I did it before and got it over with.

why do you need to stand that abuse? isn't moving out a option for you?

 

[Fallen bad23]

why do you need to stand that abuse? isn't moving out a option for you?

Only if I got married! I live in the middle east where all sorts of abuse are considered a daily routine

 

[Donewith_]

I'm sorry.. you sound a bit like me. I was facing abuse before some years, I had hope on life at that time.. getting exposed continuously to abuse makes you mentally weak.. and I was afraid I would go insane. No one cared about me that time.. one of the darkest phases in my life. Moving out was a option for me, I moved out. it turned out to be a good choice.
But since you are saying you have less chances to move out.. Are you studying right now? Do they conduct a qualifying exam for jobs in your place? That you could prepare for it from home itself?
I'm sorry.. you sound a bit like me. I was facing abuse before some years, I had hope on life at that time.. getting exposed continuously to abuse makes you mentally weak.. and I was afraid I would go insane. No one cared about me that time.. one of the darkest phases in my life. Moving out was a option for me, I moved out. it turned out to be a good choice.
But since you are saying you have less chances to move out.. Are you studying right now? Do they conduct a qualifying exam for jobs in your place? That you could prepare for it from home itself?

 

[Fallen bad23]

I finished collage 2 years ago bit aniexty got so bad that I would quit any job I get. I had panic attacks at work that I was taken to a hospital. If I could fight those demons inside me, I could land myself a job and maybe one day manage to move out or even escape if I have to yet I'm weakness manifested in a human being.

 

[been_there]

What did you study at college?

 

[Fallen bad23]

English Literature

 

[been_there]

So you have comprehension, research, editing skills and opinions. You have emotional insight. You have cultural understanding. You've cut off your hair like Sylvia Plath and William Blake. You have anger like every worthwhile artist ever. Just saying.

 

[Fallen bad23]

So you have comprehension, research, editing skills and opinions. You have emotional insight. You have cultural understanding. You've cut off your hair like Sylvia Plath and William Blake. You have anger like every worthwhile artist ever. Just saying.

thanks a lot for the kind words, I really appreciate it. I can only read them in the context of pity, sorry I'm getting dumber by the minute.
Hugs

 

[been_there]

Not dumber. Don't underestimate the creative potential of pain....

Through mythological and literary-inspired works such as Pity, Blake would exert an immense influence on the course of post-Romantic art, including on the Pre-Raphaelites, who often drew on literary and Shakespearean themes, as in John Everett Millais's Ophelia (1851) and John William Waterhouse's Miranda (1916). The hallucinatory quality of works such as Pity, meanwhile, along with their apparent deep allegorical significance, would have a profound effect on movements such as Symbolism and Surrealism.