I appreciate your willingness to listen.
As a child I was taken advantage of. Dad was out of the picture and Mom turned a blind eye to the abuse. As I got older, I was bullied by my peers. I fell into drugs and alcohol to cope with the home and school life, but that was really just putting a bandage on a structural failure. At 16 I was SA'd trying to walk home from my job. My mom blamed me. I moved out at 18 (having been freshly diagnosed with BPD and CPTSD) and ended up with my ex who continued the abuse I tried to escape from. Only he took it as many steps farther as I could realistically survive. I put up with it for a year before I sold everything I could and fled to a new town. So here I am in a new town, with new people. No family, no friends. It could be worse I guess, but nothing about this is worth sticking around for. I've tried for a few years now to readjust to life. To make friends, to meet people, to get established and find help for my diagnoses and problems. It's changed nothing.
So that's my sob story. I guess it's shorter than I made it out to be, but I figured it'd be easier to read if I got straight to the point.
I feel for you, and you have my compassion.
Meaning I acknowledge your suffering, but rest assured I am not hurt by doing so.
I'm really sorry that did happen to you.
The people who should have protected you failed you miserably, and that was
not your fault.
You never deserved that.
That is the truth.
I come from cPTSD and a broken family too.
Every wrong thing you can do to a child I had happen, minus a parent going to prison or having SA from penetration.
Hope is such a wimpy word, and I don't want you to be bothered by any toxic positivity.
More truth: This is possible to heal from. The studies from MAPS on MDMA-assisted psychotherapy prove that it can be done, for all kinds of trauma including shock, complex, developmental/attachment and dissociative type trauma.
At the very least with MDMA; likely also with other approaches.
I could bombard you with a minor novel about how to do so, but if I overload you then that is no good.
If you take just one thing, take the EMDR Flash technique. It's safe, effective, comfortable and free to use.
Think of it like shawshank redemption, and this is your spoon to dig an escape tunnel.
OK, a little more apt: It's a small shovel.
If you try it on a minor phobia or trauma, you can immediately see you can reduce your subjective perceived distress of any memory without much fuss or effort.
Here is link to try it free if you care to:
I know it can be bothersome when very depressed when people toss new ideas at you.
On the other hand I also have experienced, sometimes the perspective that one is not helpless, that one has some power can make all the difference to tilt depression.
I hope you will bear with me if this is annoying.
May we all know true bliss,
May we be free of all suffering.
@SoulCage I take the liberty to tag you for the Flash technique and general sentiment of last message, because I think it might serve you.
@loslassen
