bloomingdahlia_
Member
- Jun 22, 2024
- 19
sometimes i wonder...why do i even try to ask for help from people who claim to care but can't even be there when things are dire? im absolutely exhausted, and its not even about being angry at the world and at people anymore, its just being so tired of existing in a life you dont feel you belong in but instead trapped on. people will say "just talk to someone" "just reach out if youre struggling" but what happens when u finally do, and you still feel alone and unheard by everyone? what happens when u actually talk to someone but instead of them just listening, they try to fix you by offering solutions that u arent asking for? whats the point of trying and trying when nothing good is coming out of it? ive lost some of my friends because i can't get better. because they got tired of me. sometimes i feel so bad for them that they even met me because now they have to lose someone in the most tragic way possible. i want them to be free from the burden of watching me suffer but feeling powerless to help. im not worth the effort. im not worth fighting for. whats the point in trying to recover when u dont believe that ur life is worth fighting for? whats the point in fighting for life when everyone leaves u at ur worst? when everyone doesnt think ur worth the effort? im so tired. i have been suicidal for almost 6 years and had attempted suicide so many times yet im still alive, still suffering, still getting worse and worse, still trapped in a dark pit with no way out. i thought i'd already hit the lowest point of my life last year, but i never anticipated that i can go this lower. its like life is punishing me on purpose by making death hard to attain. i truly hope i can attempt again before this month ends. im so done. i want this suffering to end. fuck my life. i want to CTB successfully this month.
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