Venting I’m tired of ppl screaming at me for no reason

[Lunaloveflood]

People give me 0 respect because i'm a dead weight. My own family and SO insult me everytime they are angry at something (not even me) Im in depression since a while now and it's getting worst everyday , just waking up and getting out of my bed is a mission And everyday if not multiple time a day i get someone telling me i'm uselss bc i don't do enough for them(like not enough cleaning massaging emotional support or even not enought sex with my SO) They pretend they want me to get better (and i used to believe it and even feel bad about not being able to , or at least not as fast as they would have wanted )but they just want to use a "better" me All I wanted was to have hope and get better But now all i want is to die i can't stand the scream anymore, i feel worthless and alone I just wish they could get the perfect girl they think they want then just realise they have anger issue and my flaws are not the root of their anger All i want is to die in peace so i'll have to find peace within my self
Sorry for my bad english i'm not fluent and i have french corrector on so some words may be changed into weird things i've tried to correct it but maybe not enough

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are going through this, people can be so cruel and can cause us a lot of pain. This life really can be exhausting and I know how hard it is to be in a hopeless situation. I wish you well.

 

[Lunaloveflood]

I'm sorry you are going through this, people can be so cruel and can cause us a lot of pain. This life really can be exhausting and I know how hard it is to be in a hopeless situation. I wish you well.

Thanks a lot for this message it mean so much that someone understand me and my pain I wish you well too ❤

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

People give me 0 respect because i'm a dead weight. My own family and SO insult me everytime they are angry at something (not even me) Im in depression since a while now and it's getting worst everyday , just waking up and getting out of my bed is a mission And everyday if not multiple time a day i get someone telling me i'm uselss bc i don't do enough for them(like not enough cleaning massaging emotional support or even not enought sex with my SO) They pretend they want me to get better (and i used to believe it and even feel bad about not being able to , or at least not as fast as they would have wanted )but they just want to use a "better" me All I wanted was to have hope and get better But now all i want is to die i can't stand the scream anymore, i feel worthless and alone I just wish they could get the perfect girl they think they want then just realise they have anger issue and my flaws are not the root of their anger All i want is to die in peace so i'll have to find peace within my self
Sorry for my bad english i'm not fluent and i have french corrector on so some words may be changed into weird things i've tried to correct it but maybe not enough

I feel very similar. I'm sorry to hear it sucks so bad and your family and SO are cruel. I hope you're using protection so you don't get pregnant. That's the last thing you need happening. People are mean to me...give me no respect either. Take care.

 

[diyCTB]

My own family and SO insult me everytime they are angry at something (not even me) Im in depression since a while now and it's getting worst everyday , just waking up and getting out of my bed is a mission And everyday if not multiple time a day i get someone telling me i'm uselss bc i don't do enough for them

It's not your fault you don't meet their selfish expectations. You didn't ask to be here in the first place. They forced you into existence. They should not complain about it.

 

[Lunaloveflood]

I feel very similar. I'm sorry to hear it sucks so bad and your family and SO are cruel. I hope you're using protection so you don't get pregnant. That's the last thing you need happening. People are mean to me...give me no respect either. Take care.

My biggest fear is getting pregnant... We don't have a lot "penetration sex" bc it really hurt me But everytime we do it i insist on using protection even if its not always well recieved or even heard .. If we dont use it i'm paranoïd until my next period .
I hope you'll get better and be able to run far away from ppl like this or at leats that you'll find peace and stop listening to them ( in my experience it's all hate and nothing to reflect on.. so taking it seriously just make you hate yourself even more)
It get me so mad that ppl like this dont realise how destructive they are
Lashing out on ppl is bad, but constantly lashing out on a depressed and suicidal person ? It's like Killing them slowly
Thanks ! take care too ( idk if i can answer that or if its incorrect ahah )

It's not your fault you don't meet their selfish expectations. You didn't ask to be here in the first place. They forced you into existence. They should not complain about it.

Yes you are right and deep down this is how i feel ; that i dont need to be like they want and that it's really selfish of them to scream on me everytime i do something wrong or not like they want it to be But idk if it's the gaslight but i can't help thinking i owe them everything bc i dont earn any money and that not that long ago i was still a child If it wasnt for them and the ressources they provide i would probably be dead from stravation but in the end they gave me life, i didnt ask for it They wanted a child but i never asked for this espesially for the non stop screaming/insulting
(Sorry i'm really bad at using this forum xD i wanted to do 2 seperate post for the response but it ended up ike this idk why )

 

[Huntfish34]

Sounds like you have a lot of toxic people around you, which in turn makes Everything that much harder to deal with.

Hope things can get better,. I wish you the best.

 

[Lunaloveflood]

Sounds like you have a lot of toxic people around you, which in turn makes Everything that much harder to deal with.

Hope things can get better,. I wish you the best.

Yes, i just started ro realise it.. I used to think that I was the probleme( bc I was so naïve and hated my self for not being able to make the screaming stop ) but after years of trying to satisfy her ( it's mostly my mom who is toxic ) I then realised i'm just too weak to stand for my self that's why i get screamed on a lot I'm an easy target for toxic ppl especially since i have been raised in screams and insult , i'm used to not be respected so I used to accept it from other ppl too but now i'm trying to change i'm soo tired of this pattern
I wish you the best too ❤ thanks for your message

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

I really suggest birth control pills or the Depo birth control shot. See if you can get it for free. If you live in a country where abortion is illegal it will be really bad. Unfortunately I can't get away from my SO until I escape life or he kicks me out.

 

[ThrownAwayTom]

That sounds awful. You definitely shouldn't entertain anything you're not comfortable with e.g. no contraception etc. Someone who cares about you wouldn't make you do that :(

It sounds like we have very similar families. We moved the month before covid started so I have no friends here - all I do is work all day to try to be enough for them, even though they're only toxic in return. I just take it because I don't know how to do anything about it or am not strong enough to. I hope you find your strength to change the pattern.

And your English is fine :)

 

[diyCTB]

but i can't help thinking i owe them everything bc i dont earn any money and that not that long ago i was still a child If it wasnt for them and the ressources they provide i would probably be dead from stravation but in the end they gave me life, i didnt ask for it They wanted a child but i never asked for this espesially for the non stop screaming/insulting

If they make you feel you own them anything in exchange for resources they provide you with then it's conditional relationship which is unhealthy relationship and is a sign of dysfunctional family.