Venting I'm tired of having to keep pushing myself to do something uncomfortable in order to "heal" mental illness in the long term

[KillingPain267]

As someone with severe social anxiety, even doctors say we need to push ourselves to do get out of the comfort zone in order to "heal" long term. But I've tried doing that my whole life with social anxiety. But it's still uncomfortable. Why should I keep doing something that hurts? Isn't that self-harm? Aren't doctors there to heal pain? I guess not. They are only there to "save" life (actually only extending life span a bit) and brag about it. Compare how many times you've heard bragging about someone saving lives versus someone curing pains.

 

[alienfreak]

Same. I have never even felt like it helped to force myself to do things i dont want to as exposure, it seems like a myth to me

 

[AtheistCDsissy]

This is what I dread about counseling. I started up with a therapist again last week and it was very much this. I have my second appointment tomorrow and I know I'm going to be told to do things that are very uncomfortable. I'm willing to give it a try again, but I feel like I've genuinely tried in the past and it just made things worse. Idk. I'm fucking tired...

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I know exactly what you mean.I have contamination OCD and do exposure therapy for that. It's about choosing to be uncomfortable to avoid doing a compulsion and hopefully get over wanting to do it after a certain amount of time. I have definitely made some progress in the year I've been doing it. But today I told my therapist I wanted to quit therapy as I thought I wasn't capable of going any further. We agreed to a compromise of once a week for a bit,I was doing twice. I can imagine trying to overcome a social anxiety is just as bad. Who wants to be uncomfortable in front of people??!!

 

[Forever Sleep]

This is mainly why I wouldn't even bother trying with therapy or 'recovery'. I know I no longer intend to put myself through feeling afraid, inadequate, uncomfortable, unhappy over and over again with the faint hope that things will improve. It would feel like a waste of both their and my time because the truth of it is- I'm no longer willing to help myself in that regard (social anxiety.) It hasn't been worth it in the past. Why would it be different this time? Plus, some people are genuinly just not reliable or worse. Why would befriending them be a good idea?!!

Maybe it's not healthy but I'm pretty fortunate in that I don't tend to feel lonely. Does loneliness bother you? Is it that you want to be around people but find it difficult or, would you rather just hide away?

 

[nomoredolor]

For. Real. People don't understand how exhausting recovery is. And constantly having to push yourself outside of your comfort zone. We hear you

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

So true. It's just not worth the effort especially since it's not even guaranteed to work.

 

[astr4]

you just have to lie to yourself over and over that people aren't looking at you and aren't judging you and aren't secretly looking down on you and not only is it so much work more than half the time it's a lie they ARE judging you even if they don't say it out loud

getting better is just not worth the amount of lying to yourself needed

 

[KillingPain267]

This is mainly why I wouldn't even bother trying with therapy or 'recovery'. I know I no longer intend to put myself through feeling afraid, inadequate, uncomfortable, unhappy over and over again with the faint hope that things will improve. It would feel like a waste of both their and my time because the truth of it is- I'm no longer willing to help myself in that regard (social anxiety.) It hasn't been worth it in the past. Why would it be different this time? Plus, some people are genuinly just not reliable or worse. Why would befriending them be a good idea?!!

Maybe it's not healthy but I'm pretty fortunate in that I don't tend to feel lonely. Does loneliness bother you? Is it that you want to be around people but find it difficult or, would you rather just hide away?

I feel fine socially around my parents and brother. I just need a few people to satisfy the human need for social interaction. But there is the, you know, whole professional work world full of toxic people where I'll be judged by performance and I've been told by everyone since elementary school that I'm too quiet and need to change. So since then I'm literally afraid to interact with strangers. My doctors and welfare caseworkers expect me to soon be ready to apply for work again, so of course they push me but I know I just can't. They don't understand that to me interacting with strangers feels like going to the frontlines of a war. So yes, I'd rather just hide away... in the trenches so to speak.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I feel fine socially around my parents and brother. I just need a few people to satisfy the human need for social interaction. But there is the, you know, whole professional work world full of toxic people where I'll be judged by performance and I've been told by everyone since elementary school that I'm too quiet and need to change. So since then I'm literally afraid to interact with strangers. My doctors and welfare caseworkers expect me to soon be ready to apply for work again, so of course they push me but I know I just can't. They don't understand that to me interacting with strangers feels like going to the frontlines of a war. So yes, I'd rather just hide away... in the trenches so to speak.

I'm very much like you. My primary school teacher used to describe me as two eyes peering out from under a rock. I've always been told in jobs that I needed to be more confident. I agree though. It can feel like a terrifying mountain to climb. I'm fortunate in that for now at least, I can work from home and avoid all that crap. It's hard to be what you're not. Do you suppose people can be naturally shy or, do you think it's trauma or bad experiences of some kind that causes it? I guess it can be a mixture. Maybe not terribly confident genes paired with bad life experiences that frighten us further.

 

[KillingPain267]

I'm very much like you. My primary school teacher used to describe me as two eyes peering out from under a rock.

Haha, reading that made me imagine you as a shy frog just sitting there secretly staring.

Do you suppose people can be naturally shy or, do you think it's trauma or bad experiences of some kind that causes it? I guess it can be a mixture. Maybe not terribly confident genes paired with bad life experiences that frighten us further.

I believe some can be naturally more inhibited or introcverted, yes, where they refill their energy by having alone time. But that is very different from social anxiety.

I was mad when I just learned literally only a year ago that there is a massive difference between being an introvert and/or shy and having severe social anxiety. Because I was always told as a teenager and during college and at job training that I am quiet and introverted in a negative way, so I took that to mean it's a flaw in my very personality and it's unchangable. But instead this whole time I was actually sick! Mentally ill!

Social media and culture also abuse the term "introvert" making it overlap with social anxiety. This causes people suffering from social anxiety to not get help, and get told to just "put themsleves more out there" and "get out of the comfort zone" as if it's their fault they literally feel ill when they have to do normal things like making a phone call or saying good morning to coworkers.

As to why someone develops social anxiety, I don't know. In some cases trauma maybe, but in my case I was not abused or traumatized or neglected as a child and teenager. I do however know why I became quiet, it was because I was a year older than others in my class when I was 12-13, so I started puberty as the first classmate. It made me wanna hide more, so it stuck with me to wanna hide. I wasn't bullied but in my mind I just felt different.

 

[social_anxiety]

I also have severe social anxiety. I'm on medication and trying exposure therapy. It's really fucking hard. The only reason I don't quit is because I'm afraid I'll have no means to pay my bills in the future. My job requires some social interaction and I'd rather keep it than look for another one.
There are some reasons I have developed that. Being embarrassed by my mother in front of others as a kid, being embarrassed by a teacher in front of the whole class in elementary school, being bullied, having a lot of acne during puberty. Well... the list goes on. But it's hard to know exactly. Probably all of these situations made my anxiety worse over the years.
Being a male in my 30's just makes everything harder. I feel like everyone my age is getting married and having kids, and I'm just stuck. I crave social interaction but have no one to talk to except my family. They're really nice people but it's different than having a close friend.

 

[KillingPain267]

I crave social interaction but have no one to talk to except my family. They're really nice people but it's different than having a close friend.

I don't crave more social interaction. My parents and brother are enough. So when my welfare caseworker, therapist and doctor suggest exposure therapy, it just feels like self-harming for no reason. But of course their goal is to get me to find work to be a "productive member of society", i.e. a wage slave. But it makes no sense in my mind, and I dread having to go to an office every day making phone calls, talking to strangers, greeting coworkers and sitting to lunch with loud mouthed judgmental coworkers whom I have nothing in common with and being conscious about every bite of food I eat and chew. So I'd rather die.
By the way, I like how your profile name is simply social_anxiety

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I don't get this approach of exposure therapy or doing uncomfortable things to overcome whatever mental obstacles because I'm not convinced we ever really heal from this stuff, at least not completely. It's more like it sort of settles down over time, and becomes part of you, but you learn to compartmentalize it and not have it dominate your life.

If you grapple with mental health issues, there's a fairly good chance they're borne out of some aspect of who you are as a person. It's not like you can just separate yourself from your struggles, or scare yourself to death (and often make things worse) by trying to conquer your fears.

 

[Ironborn]

People seem to conflate nervousness with social anxiety a lot.
When I was a teenager I was terrified of simply using the phone, I would panic just thinking about calling someone.
I'm 37 now, I still get that same feeling every time whether it's a phone call or just talking to someone, it never went away or got easier, I just got used to dealing with it through necessity.
When my phone rings I still get a mini heart attack every time.
I can't get rid of my anxiety same as I can't change the colour of my eyes, it is simply a part of me, a part that has sabotaged me my entire life.

 

[social_anxiety]

The point of exposure therapy, or any therapy, is not to heal completely. It's just to learn how to deal with personal problems and get on with life. We never heal completely. It will be forever with us and we'll have to deal with it for the rest of our lives. I'd definately rather die than go through all of these situations. But I just can't ctb. My family would be devastated. So I keep going to therapy and trying to live my miserable life.

 

[nux_walpurgis]

I know, right?
I am starting psychotherapy (after my psychiatrist's suggestion) and I hope there is no exposure therapt involved or some other bullshit. I don't want to pur myself into this, I don't. It causes my so much mental distress, I cannot do this to myself.

 

[amnesia999]

Once I went to a therapist who specialized in anxiety disorders. We got on the topic of what he'd do about "shy bladder" (which, as you may have guessed, keeps guys from peeing when there's a stranger standing at the urinal next to them, or pissing off the boat when you're out fishing with a group of people, etc.). His method involved going into bathrooms and starting up conversations with random strangers who were there peeing. Nope! Definitely not for me! I'd rather have shy bladder!

The reason I stopped going to him was that he was the spitting image of my abusive father.