Venting I'm tired of everything at this point

[apoptosis]

I'm so tired of existence. Every emotion, every action, every minute of life seems to be draining at an already empty pool of motivation and will. I don't want to work for the future that I don't want to happen.

Everything seems so pointless. Every day is the same. If I have class, I have to wake up early even though— without fail— I'm exhausted. Every morning I feel the need to sleep the rest of the day away. I go to class. Then I either go home and isolate myself, or try to maintain a facade of wanting to be with people when my gf asks me to go somewhere with her. I haven't wanted company for months. I just want to be alone.

Other than that, I don't do anything. I don't have a job. I don't have any other obligations or commitments. I have a very boring life. And it's still too overwhelming yet it's so dull, so boring. I feel like my entire life is witnessed through a haze of gray and numbness. The only things that puncture through give me intense anxiety.

I want to be dead so bad. I'm capable of happiness but it's fleeting, only to melt back into the haze of nothingness. The only thing that really gave me purpose was losing weight and I still wanted to die, it just wasn't on my mind as much. Now though— now that I am eating my woes away, as a way to hate myself more and increase my urge to CTB more— I'm done.

I've contemplated for the past couple nights about attempting. I don't know how much I want to take.

 

[CommitSudoku]

I'm so tired of existence. Every emotion, every action, every minute of life seems to be draining at an already empty pool of motivation and will. I don't want to work for the future that I don't want to happen.

Very well put, I feel the same. It feels like everything just drags me down, or the rare moment of happiness/enjoyment just serves to remind me the rest of the days that I'm exhausted and it was an isolated occurrence.

If you only want to be alone and decline doing things with your significant other, why don't you break up? Just curious, you don't need to answer if you don't want to.

I feel like my entire life is witnessed through a haze of gray and numbness. The only things that puncture through give me intense anxiety.

This was very well written too.

I wish I had better words but I'm becoming braindead now. I wish you the best whatever you decide to do and I'm sorry you're suffering so much, existence can be very cruel and painful.

 

[apoptosis]

If you only want to be alone and decline doing things with your significant other, why don't you break up? Just curious, you don't need to answer if you don't want to.

she's the only person I have. she's been my only best friend for 5 years. I don't want to hurt he feelings since one of the fears she's expressed to me is that I'll break up with her, she told me that she has nightmares about it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand how you feel, to me life is just meaningless suffering, it is just a pointless experience that we go through for the sake of it. I have never wanted to live and I have never had any interest in living, I just prefer the sound of non existence. I do not see the point to struggling for decades. I know that it is awful living such an miserable and dreadful existence. I wish you the best in whatever happens.