Venting i'm the problem, evidently

[konkurs]

My thanksgiving plans to escape my family went to shit so I decided to reach out to a family friend (that I had previously trusted for YEARS) and see if she would let me petsit for that day so I could get out of the house and away from these fuckers, only for her to throw bible verses at me and tell me i'm the problem instead of offering me help or a real solution.




I just had the realization that she's probably been downplaying everything that they have ever done to me for as long as i've known her. She thinks me talking about the abuse they've put me through is the same as her not liking her shitty boss. She has always seen me as nothing more than a whiny brat, and uses me to make her feel better about herself. I feel so betrayed by her and disgusted with myself that this has gone on for so long without me even realizing it until now. i've known her since I was like 8. i'll be 22 in January. This is so utterly pathetic it's almost laughable. How did I not realize this until now? Through all the years that i've known her, Why hasn't she taken this seriously?

 

[khairan]

As someone who used to be religious the kind of mentality we adopted was one of constant self deprecation and magical thinking. We were brainwashed into thinking if we pray hard enough and strive to virtues God will magically solve everything.

Needless to say it is a lie yet my point is that if your friend is religious you shouldn't probably blame them too hard because they're simply not thinking straight and you can't really expect much from them.

Religion is a hopeless coping mechanism to try to give some sense of order to this unpredictable and chaotic existence. It was designed to make powerless people feel in "control" without giving them any power nor control whatsoever.

I'm very sorry for your situation though and I wish I could help.


Edit: On a side note I want to assure you that you're right on feeling disappointed but your friend can't help it if they're into that dumbass religious mentality.
Maybe you shouldn't hate this person but you definitely can't expect much from them. And their arguments are shit: forgiveness does not exist.

 

[AstralMadness]

that's terrible and doesn't sound like a real friend at all. religious or not i'd walk away or talk way less with them

 

[konkurs]

that's terrible and doesn't sound like a real friend at all. religious or not i'd walk away or talk way less with them

yeah, I think I plan on doing this

 

[AstralMadness]

yeah, I think I plan on doing this

you deserve better and this is their fault, they're not listening to you or offering support at all, an actual friend listens, supports, then gives advice if you asked for it

 

[Oreki]

Sometimes I feel like people use religious pressure to make us feel guilty and to emotionally manipulate us, with the intention of controlling someone through guilt and shame. Not everyone does it on purpose, but there are people like that, and in the end, they probably aren't even religious themselves. Whether religion is true or not, I can't say, but dishonest people misuse the concept to emotionally manipulate others. I just wanted to make aware of people like that exist
"My dear, they are not your problem, your thinking is." That's something my family used to tell me as well, even though they were really manipulative. Sometimes it's not about mentality, but the people. You can't sugarcoat everything, and they really need to stop acting like it's always our fault