I’m taking the step.

[ValkyrieCain]

Tbh I had enough, with life in general, daily living itself has become difficult and tedious. Doing simple things, like brushing my teeth or even using the toilet are things I dread to do , cause it would require me to leave my bed.

Im isolated from everyone ; family and friends. I did talk to my gp thou by call to get put on my meds again around last week, but it just feels like its making things worse. I live in constant condemnation every single day, i hate the pityfull state im in, physically and mentally. I neglect myself but at the same time I just dont have the motivation to do anything else but lay cuddled up in my bed. I feel lazy but cant do anything about it.

I've completely let myself go over the past 8 months , a downhill spiral and never really picked myself back up. I even have no job, keep getting constant rejection even from the low experience jobs.

I barely shower now , rarely go out. Currently on a sick note for 3 months.

Im just ready to go at this point, Im tired, im just so done. I look at people going on jogs, working out, waking up early ; going about their daily life , socialising , just living , and wonder how do they manage to do all of that in a day or even have the drive to do it. Its foriegn to me atp.

Im trying to find a way out something painless with a high success rate. Ill be grateful for method suggestions. I've decided to ctb myself, since I decided that , I want it to ctb without the chance of being left in a vegetative state or another failed attempt.

I currently have 20 + tablets of mirtazapine which works as a sedative, its also a trcylic antidepressant.

 

[maniac116]

Mirtazepine is not really a sedative at all. But the side effect is drowsiness.
Its also not not a tricyclic antidepressant. Its a tetracyclic. Please don't try to ctb with it. You may risk serotonin syndrome which is nasty to say the least!!

 

[ValkyrieCain]

Mirtazapine is not really a sedative at all. But the side effect is drowsiness.
Its also not not a tricyclic antidepressant. Its a tetracyclic. Please don't try to ctb with it. You may risk serotonin syndrome which is nasty to say the least!!

I was planning on combining it with some other chemicals like sn, mirtazapine puts me to sleep do i thought it was sedative. I wanna be asleep / barely conscious when using sn , i dont know if this is an effective route but im still researching and looking for sources

 

[maniac116]

I was planning on combining it with some other chemicals like sn, mirtazapine puts me to sleep do i thought it was sedative. I wanna be asleep / barely conscious when using sn , i dont know if this is an effective route but im still researching and looking for sources

I just wanted to clarify about the meds & their actions. If it works for you then do it. It just doesn't sedate, it makes people drowsy.
I'm sorry if I confused you

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand feeling so tired of it all, I also feel so tired of suffering in this existence, I also just wish for a painless way to be free from it all, I really wish there's the option to just simply die in peace and never suffer ever again. But anyway I wish you the best, I hope you find the peace you search for.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

Hi fellow Hu Tao pfp haver, I can relate a lot to your posts, especially when you talked about being alone on Christmas. It's a really somber thing to deal with, this level of loneliness. Few people truly get it, I think, how it feels to be locked away indoors while the outside world keeps moving along, unaware of all the people forced into isolation behind closed doors, when we want to be outside living like everyone else. It's a really cruel fate.

Don't think lesser of yourself because you haven't found a job. The UK job market is particularly bad at the moment, even uni graduates are struggling to get entry level positions or gain any work experience, there's so many people applying for jobs proportional to the number of posts available. A low paying, entry level training gig that I applied for last year (which only required you to have GSCE level education) had over 800 people vying for it, so finding employment seems to be a matter of sheer luck these days. You tried your best, and that's all that matters.

I understand how you feel, being so done with everything. It's been years since I started feeling this way consistently too, and being so tired, weakened physically. It's a horrible state to be in, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I really wish you the best as I know how painful it is to be stuck staring at 4 walls all the time.

Please be careful with mirtazapine. Many people don't know this because often times doctors don't explain the underlying pharmacology before prescribing the drug, but at the low doses it functions primarily as an anti-histamine, and the serotonin modulating properties are dampened compared to the higher doses. So it acts more like benadryl, which is not very pleasant to consume in high quantities, the effects can be a bit scary. Whenever I was taking this medication it made me feel like a complete zombie, and I only took one per day, I can imagine taking multiple would feel really ghastly.

Wishing you the best, no matter what happens

 

[particularrodent]

Hi fellow Hu Tao pfp haver,

hu tao? two tao!

anyway... ive been nonfunctional in this regard for 6 years now too, only getting worse... i can shower thankfully, the one thing i can't tolerate is going too long without a shower or some hygiene... but i no longer understand routine or how people "do" things or go outside and... i really dont know anymore

 

[kosameAmagai]

i've been living like that for 5 years now, you either make a change before its too late or you will keep getting worse and drowning in regret as time goes by, unfortunately thats just how it goes and it doesnt get better if you dont make any change, i wish i could go back in time 4 years ago and took a step to change my situation, now i just feel like its too late for me, think about it carefully because life wont stop just because you are sad and its fucking cruel, getting older and stuck in the past is one of the worst things one can experience

 

[particularrodent]

i've been living like that for 5 years now, you either make a change before its too late or you will keep getting worse and drowning in regret as time goes by, unfortunately thats just how it goes and it doesnt get better if you dont make any change, i wish i could go back in time 4 years ago and took a step to change my situation, now i just feel like its too late for me, think about it carefully because life wont stop just because you are sad and its fucking cruel, getting older and stuck in the past is one of the worst things one can experience

realest shit posted on this website... but it's too late for me