I've signed up almost 2 months ago on this forum. While I'm new here, I've always been watching places like this, until back then when ASH was popular. I suffer from both autism and BPD, along with an anxiety disorder. Life has always been a hell for me in the almost 30 years I've been alive. I was at my worst about 8 years ago, when I have done things and hurt people I'm not proud of. If a product like SN was known back then, I'd have used it without a doubt. Still, life improved over the years, until a new unknown medical issue showed up. I don't want to go into details about this, but after many years there's still no diagnosis, it's getting worse and it's really unbearable to live with.
Euthanasia isn't possible in my case. Yes, I asked already, but because those psychiatrists that "helped" me over the years didn't do their job, work together and write proper reports, there's basically no written evidence I'm indeed suffering and all kind of treatments have been tried. I guess the only option is self-euthanasia. But there's still some hope left this new disease can be treated. I want to give this a chance, because despite all pain in my life, I have had some great moments over the last years. But if this illness fucks up everything I've worked for. I'm not going back from doctor to doctor while being financially unstable, trying to find a solution which won't come anyway. I've had enough of that.
Since things are slowly becoming worse, I did some research and signed up on this forum. I've always done this with good intentions. I quickly read as many details as possible about SN and made sure I had it as soon as possible. It's such a big relief having this product at home now. I feel much calmer, because I know there's an exit. Ok, there will be discomfort, maybe huge discomfort for a very short while when I use it, but based on reports, this discomfort will be nothing compared to the pain I experience.
I didn't ask to be born. So why am I forced by society to live? I've helped some other forum users looking for certain products as well, obviously not in public, although I also never encouraged anyone to CTB and never will. I hope the people who buy SN and other products won't use it at all. I hope they find an alternative. But if they don't, and life is unbearable for them, it's up to them to make their own decision about whether to live or not. Some people I didn't send info at all, based on posts they made here. I mean, sometimes treatment is an option that can help and you have to try first. While I'm so-called pro-choice, I also believe CTB should be the last option, when other options have ran out. It shouldn't be an impulsive choice you make in a few days. But these are my personal views, I respect those who have other opinions.
But all of this got back like a boomerang in my face. I've seen some people being very rude here to new users I was personally in contact with because they were making some mistakes. I've tried to calm them down, which didn't end well. Users, a certain one in particular, accused me of being part of some pro-life group infiltrating here to take down SN routes and reporting to the police. What a bullshit.
But that's just a user, I don't care that much. It got out of hand when I noticed a certain link in the wiki lead to a false version of the PPeH, containing an email address a user got scammed with before. I immediately contacted a moderator about this while telling no one, but unfortunately this moderator didn't come online in time. The next day, I posted this in public and clearly someone was reading along and quickly replaced it with a correct version. The moderator took this as an accusation against him/her, which was simply a misunderstanding, which he/she does not believe. And because there is no hard evidence of that file being replaced, even though another user confirmed it as well, the moderator concluded I am lying and spreading fake news, an accusation he/she posted in public multiple times at multiple places. I even received a formal warning via PM for this.
Well, I'm not gonna explain that whole story again, you can find that in other topics, because that's not the point of this post. The point is that I was here for support, not for a fight. I spent hours and hours trying to reason with this mod, trying to prove my innocence. Because I want to be on this forum. But it appears I am guilty until proven innocent. The issue quickly reached even Marcuis and has been discussed within the mod team. So basically I am now considered a liar, fake news spreader, fear mongoring and possible pro-life infiltrator on this forum, only because I've tried to help people. It is true that I made one post with a statement that turned out to be incorrect, for which I apologised, but I have always handled in good faith. I have done every reasonable attempt to start a constructive conversation with this moderator to clear my name, but I've failed.
As most of these events occured in public, everyone can see this. And what do people see? A fight between me, a new user, and a long-term member and moderator. Ofcourse everyone, including you who are reading this, will conclude I indeed cannot be trusted. I would reason the same way. My reputation has been damaged and unless I can prove my innocence, the moderators and other users will be cautious towards me, at the minimum. I considered creating a new account and start over, but that's against the rules as well.
I don't blame this moderator. I have read through his/her profile and posts and I know this is a person who experiences a lot of pain in life as well. I'm also confident he or she always done the best he/she could and did a lot for this forum. I just deeply regret he/she does not understand how this kind of stuff affects me and is not willing to have a chat about it.
We should be supporting each other goddamnit, not fight each other over some misunderstandings. The moderator in question will read this topic soon and it's his/her choice what to do. If you truly believe I'm a troublemaker, pro-life infiltrator and someone who wants to spread lies about you, then go ahead and ban me. But I hope you won't and I hope you will think this through. We're on the same side, no matter how sceptical you may be. Please note this topic is not meant to open the discussion again, this is my topic to vent my feelings and frustrations about this place.
I feel very unwelcome here. I'm lonely and not welcome at any place actually, so I was hoping a place like this, where there are less tabboo's, might be a good place for me to hang out. But I'm not even welcome at this forum, just because I made the mistake of helping others preventing to get scammed. I'm having the bottle of SN right next to me, I wonder why I don't just use it. It's that little hope maybe, that this illness I have can improve. Hope which will probably be for nothing.
I'm taking a break now. I'll continue lurking around, just less, and won't post much else anymore. If I don't get banned for this post at least. I've done attempts to help people and it backlashed. In the future, I'll think twice before doing such action.
Thanks for reading, if you managed to get to the end of this long post.
Euthanasia isn't possible in my case. Yes, I asked already, but because those psychiatrists that "helped" me over the years didn't do their job, work together and write proper reports, there's basically no written evidence I'm indeed suffering and all kind of treatments have been tried. I guess the only option is self-euthanasia. But there's still some hope left this new disease can be treated. I want to give this a chance, because despite all pain in my life, I have had some great moments over the last years. But if this illness fucks up everything I've worked for. I'm not going back from doctor to doctor while being financially unstable, trying to find a solution which won't come anyway. I've had enough of that.
Since things are slowly becoming worse, I did some research and signed up on this forum. I've always done this with good intentions. I quickly read as many details as possible about SN and made sure I had it as soon as possible. It's such a big relief having this product at home now. I feel much calmer, because I know there's an exit. Ok, there will be discomfort, maybe huge discomfort for a very short while when I use it, but based on reports, this discomfort will be nothing compared to the pain I experience.
I didn't ask to be born. So why am I forced by society to live? I've helped some other forum users looking for certain products as well, obviously not in public, although I also never encouraged anyone to CTB and never will. I hope the people who buy SN and other products won't use it at all. I hope they find an alternative. But if they don't, and life is unbearable for them, it's up to them to make their own decision about whether to live or not. Some people I didn't send info at all, based on posts they made here. I mean, sometimes treatment is an option that can help and you have to try first. While I'm so-called pro-choice, I also believe CTB should be the last option, when other options have ran out. It shouldn't be an impulsive choice you make in a few days. But these are my personal views, I respect those who have other opinions.
But all of this got back like a boomerang in my face. I've seen some people being very rude here to new users I was personally in contact with because they were making some mistakes. I've tried to calm them down, which didn't end well. Users, a certain one in particular, accused me of being part of some pro-life group infiltrating here to take down SN routes and reporting to the police. What a bullshit.
But that's just a user, I don't care that much. It got out of hand when I noticed a certain link in the wiki lead to a false version of the PPeH, containing an email address a user got scammed with before. I immediately contacted a moderator about this while telling no one, but unfortunately this moderator didn't come online in time. The next day, I posted this in public and clearly someone was reading along and quickly replaced it with a correct version. The moderator took this as an accusation against him/her, which was simply a misunderstanding, which he/she does not believe. And because there is no hard evidence of that file being replaced, even though another user confirmed it as well, the moderator concluded I am lying and spreading fake news, an accusation he/she posted in public multiple times at multiple places. I even received a formal warning via PM for this.
Well, I'm not gonna explain that whole story again, you can find that in other topics, because that's not the point of this post. The point is that I was here for support, not for a fight. I spent hours and hours trying to reason with this mod, trying to prove my innocence. Because I want to be on this forum. But it appears I am guilty until proven innocent. The issue quickly reached even Marcuis and has been discussed within the mod team. So basically I am now considered a liar, fake news spreader, fear mongoring and possible pro-life infiltrator on this forum, only because I've tried to help people. It is true that I made one post with a statement that turned out to be incorrect, for which I apologised, but I have always handled in good faith. I have done every reasonable attempt to start a constructive conversation with this moderator to clear my name, but I've failed.
As most of these events occured in public, everyone can see this. And what do people see? A fight between me, a new user, and a long-term member and moderator. Ofcourse everyone, including you who are reading this, will conclude I indeed cannot be trusted. I would reason the same way. My reputation has been damaged and unless I can prove my innocence, the moderators and other users will be cautious towards me, at the minimum. I considered creating a new account and start over, but that's against the rules as well.
I don't blame this moderator. I have read through his/her profile and posts and I know this is a person who experiences a lot of pain in life as well. I'm also confident he or she always done the best he/she could and did a lot for this forum. I just deeply regret he/she does not understand how this kind of stuff affects me and is not willing to have a chat about it.
We should be supporting each other goddamnit, not fight each other over some misunderstandings. The moderator in question will read this topic soon and it's his/her choice what to do. If you truly believe I'm a troublemaker, pro-life infiltrator and someone who wants to spread lies about you, then go ahead and ban me. But I hope you won't and I hope you will think this through. We're on the same side, no matter how sceptical you may be. Please note this topic is not meant to open the discussion again, this is my topic to vent my feelings and frustrations about this place.
I feel very unwelcome here. I'm lonely and not welcome at any place actually, so I was hoping a place like this, where there are less tabboo's, might be a good place for me to hang out. But I'm not even welcome at this forum, just because I made the mistake of helping others preventing to get scammed. I'm having the bottle of SN right next to me, I wonder why I don't just use it. It's that little hope maybe, that this illness I have can improve. Hope which will probably be for nothing.
I'm taking a break now. I'll continue lurking around, just less, and won't post much else anymore. If I don't get banned for this post at least. I've done attempts to help people and it backlashed. In the future, I'll think twice before doing such action.
Thanks for reading, if you managed to get to the end of this long post.
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