Help Im suicidal again because of hyperacusis

[BridgeJumper]

Hello,
I posted on recovery forum again, I really wanted to recover. Got sober, started taking my medication as prescribed, threw out all ropes, pills etc, asked my parents to keep me from going out for a few weeks, torn my suicide note...
But now Im in an entirely different circle of hell.
Im hooked on listening to music, Ive been a headphone abuser for at least 7 years
One day 2 months ago I was compulsively playing a video about Golden Gate jumpers with an awesome metal song in the backround.
And then I woke up with horrible ear pain and sensitivity to sound. Searched the google what it is, apparently its a thing and its called hyperacusis. Everything is so fucking LOUD. I cant switch the light off cause its painful. I hardly leave home because cars passing make me go nuts, just sit in my room with the door closed and earmuffs on. Sometimes Im just tired of all sound and wear them 24/7, then when I take them off everything is even louder and I have a nervous breakdown.Even with the door closed, I can hear the tv perfectly. I feel disabled, I cant enjoy anything anymore. No watching tv, no listening to music, no walks in heavy trafficked places, no anything. I promised Ill recover but its making me feel so terrible and anxious that I legit want to kill myself all over again. Beat my father up with my fists and told him I wish he died because he called me a pathethic drama queen when I cried out in pain after he opened a trashbag really loudly. I guess I just wanted to ask if anyone suffers from this because its debilitating. How can I make it better, is there a way?
I feel so unhinged...

 

[jgm63]

Hello,
I posted on recovery forum again, I really wanted to recover. Got sober, started taking my medication as prescribed, threw out all ropes, pills etc, asked my parents to keep me from going out for a few weeks, torn my suicide note...
But now Im in an entirely different circle of hell.
Im hooked on listening to music, Ive been a headphone abuser for at least 7 years
One day 2 months ago I was compulsively playing a video about Golden Gate jumpers with an awesome metal song in the backround.
And then I woke up with horrible ear pain and sensitivity to sound. Searched the google what it is, apparently its a thing and its called hyperacusis. Everything is so fucking LOUD. I cant switch the light off cause its painful. I hardly leave home because cars passing make me go nuts, just sit in my room with the door closed and earmuffs on. Sometimes Im just tired of all sound and wear them 24/7, then when I take them off everything is even louder and I have a nervous breakdown.Even with the door closed, I can hear the tv perfectly. I feel disabled, I cant enjoy anything anymore. No watching tv, no listening to music, no walks in heavy trafficked places, no anything. I promised Ill recover but its making me feel so terrible and anxious that I legit want to kill myself all over again. Beat my father up with my fists and told him I wish he died because he called me a pathethic drama queen when I cried out in pain after he opened a trashbag really loudly. I guess I just wanted to ask if anyone suffers from this because its debilitating. How can I make it better, is there a way?
I feel so unhinged...

I believe there are specific forums about it, but I think a lot of it centres around learning how to cope with it.....
In terms of what the actual treatment options are, I'm not sure.....

 

[autumnal]

Google diagnosis is one thing, but have you been and seen a doctor about your condition?

 

[BridgeJumper]

I know I shouldnt self diagnose. But its been two months of constant pain and its not going away at all, so I cracked and started google searching. Ive been to forums about it and they basically say its permanent in most cases and its making me go crazy. I cant see a doctor because of the pandemic, Im trying to get a private visit next week

 

[PrettyMoose]

I don't have that but I do have tinnitus which means I hear a chronic phantom noise, in my case high pitched ringing. I've had this for several years and have had suicidal thoughts over it in the past because I always loved silence and I've felt robbed of that forever. I also wear headphones 24/7 even when I sleep, and it is almost constantly playing white noise (a 10 hour long mp3 that repeats) to cover up the ringing. It's also good for covering up the insanely loud people who I am forced to live with.

 

[Forever Wandering]

I've been dealing with mild to moderate tinnitus for many years. I find medication really helps bring it down. Medication such as olanzapine and amitriptyline help a lot.

 

[autumnal]

I know I shouldnt self diagnose. But its been two months of constant pain and its not going away at all, so I cracked and started google searching. Ive been to forums about it and they basically say its permanent in most cases and its making me go crazy. I cant see a doctor because of the pandemic, Im trying to get a private visit next week

There's no harm in doing your own research, but it becomes counterproductive when you then assume the worst-case scenario without getting a proper diagnosis. And worse still when the only solution to that scenario seems to be suicide.

 

[Susan Caswell]

Hello,
I posted on recovery forum again, I really wanted to recover. Got sober, started taking my medication as prescribed, threw out all ropes, pills etc, asked my parents to keep me from going out for a few weeks, torn my suicide note...
But now Im in an entirely different circle of hell.
Im hooked on listening to music, Ive been a headphone abuser for at least 7 years
One day 2 months ago I was compulsively playing a video about Golden Gate jumpers with an awesome metal song in the backround.
And then I woke up with horrible ear pain and sensitivity to sound. Searched the google what it is, apparently its a thing and its called hyperacusis. Everything is so fucking LOUD. I cant switch the light off cause its painful. I hardly leave home because cars passing make me go nuts, just sit in my room with the door closed and earmuffs on. Sometimes Im just tired of all sound and wear them 24/7, then when I take them off everything is even louder and I have a nervous breakdown.Even with the door closed, I can hear the tv perfectly. I feel disabled, I cant enjoy anything anymore. No watching tv, no listening to music, no walks in heavy trafficked places, no anything. I promised Ill recover but its making me feel so terrible and anxious that I legit want to kill myself all over again. Beat my father up with my fists and told him I wish he died because he called me a pathethic drama queen when I cried out in pain after he opened a trashbag really loudly. I guess I just wanted to ask if anyone suffers from this because its debilitating. How can I make it better, is there a way?
I feel so unhinged...

Oh Gosh I am so very sorry to hear this I don't know how to help you I so wish I could or tell you something that helps you may be lucky and its just goes away I have deafening jet plane roaring tinnitus and extreme hyperacusis I cant take any noise not kettle washer a tap running my own voice eating its made me so ill 2 years 8 months anxiety crippling ive tried everything possible I believe sleeping pills and so many anxiety meds caused my hyperacusis I didn't have it at the start my tinnitus was loud but di coped but hyperacusis on top of it I cant live with and very suicidal I feel trapped want my life and want to die for the quiet. Just a level I could live with ok but all so loud my ears are moving vibrating echoing everything is distorted cant mask the tinnitus anxiety and panic is crippling. Can you see an Audiologist or ENT specialist where are you in the world I can feel your pain I was very healthy fit wonderful life id give anything to get this stopped and well again and on with life I am so sorry you have this if you don't have tinnitus and stop music and headphones I feel sure it could just go away for you I pray it does anyone who has never had it cant imagine how life threatening it is that because as humans we need quiet peace calm happy let me know how your doing is it lessening any do you have tinnitus also I could never have imagined this not deafening day after day im terrified too just wish stop for us both x