i'm such a wuss.

[golddustwoman]

i'm literally such a goddamn pussy. i leave this website for months at a time and convince myself i'm doing better, it's all over now. and then she rips my hair out and i'm left with a bald spot. i finally regained some self-confidence. i wore a green blouse with gold detailing and a short skirt and i thought i looked beautiful for once. i haven't dressed like that in so long. it was our anniversary. and then she grabs me by the head and throws me around and rips my hair out. what's the point?

why do i keep bothering to carry on living? it's because i'm scared. those moments of good are so addictive i forget how miserable daily life is. i'm on antidepressants yet i still want to die. i can't go a day without consuming a substance or i end up losing my mind and trying to hurt myself in new and abstract ways. i'm not even proud of it. it's just that cutting doesn't do it anymore. it's not intense enough. if she's going to hurt me all of the time, then when i hurt myself, it needs to be special.

i'm in the uk so if anyone knows any fool-proof methods that'd be easy for a university-aged woman who lives with family then let me know. give me the details. i'm ready to go be with my cat again. he died like, 6 months ago and i miss him more than anything. putting an end to this miserable, painful existance is so much easier to think about when i know he's on the other side waiting for me.

 

[Esc9434]

Sounds like you are in an abusive relationship.

Try to get away from that first before thinking about ctb'ing.

Surround yourself with caring people and focus on improving yourself for a while.

 

[getoutgirl]

If she is doing that to you I don't think you should be seeing her at all.