Venting im such a fraud im so sorry im sorry im sorry im sorry

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

i just cant do it. ugh i just cant im such a fucking pussy i know its so laughable and pathetic im so sorry
my life gets more and more miserable and agonizing every day yet i cant seem to bring myself to do it whatsoever. i fear that i will really suffer another 40 years or so of this miserable life until i finally die from natural causes and am relieved from this hell. god that sounds so horrifying so much unneccessary extra pain and embarassment and misery for 40 years straight!?!?! no please im horrified
i dont deserve to be on this forum. at this point im probably one of those people that get off to watching others do it and i just dont notice it yet.
im at the very minimum a fraud and at worst a total psychopath i shouldnt be on this site

 

[chloramine]

I see nothing for you to apologize for. You do not need to be on your way to ctb in order to be here. Putting aside that death is really hard for a bunch of reasons, this forum is here for support. Yes there's access to method information and you're safe to discuss that, but that's not the main function of ss for many of us. It's community with people who understand. It's okay to not die or be trying to die and be here. You're allowed to be here. You don't need to prove your right by trying to ctb. You don't need to be actively working on a way out. Your belonging is not dependent on your leaving.

 

[Daxter_87]

You're neither a fraud nor a pussy, and it's perfectly understandable that you can't bring yourself to CTB; in fact, there are a variety of reasons why many of us can't go through with it - either for the moment being or ever. One such motive, for example, is that the pro-lifers have taken away almost all peaceful methods of committing suicide - such as Nembutal - in order to deter us from doing so. It is therefore the pro-lifers who are to blame, not vunerable people in pain like you.

Besides, you belong here as much as anyone else. I sometimes feel like you, so I have to remind myself that being actively suicidal 24/7 is not a requirement to participate in this forum; we are human after all. As long as we have the misfortune to continue living, most of us will naturally be inclined towards interests other than death. You may say that these are nothing more than delusions, and I agree, but that does not change the fact that we engage in them anyway.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

You are not a fraud at all and SS is also a home for you like for all us. We all are sitting in the same boat, more or less. It's a supportive community and everyone who asks for support will get it without being judged! CTB isn't as easy as it looks and yes seeing other good members leave is certainly hard sometimes but it's their choice. Don't be so hard to yourself!

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't really think that someone is cowardly if they struggle to ctb as after all suicide is just so unnecessarily difficult especially as we are denied the option of an instant and guaranteed method to just peacefully and permanently fall asleep. But I understand that it really can be so dreadful feeling trapped here, I also find it horrific the thought of potentially being trapped here and suffering for decades longer, it really should be much more straightforward to cease existing.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

I see nothing for you to apologize for. You do not need to be on your way to ctb in order to be here. Putting aside that death is really hard for a bunch of reasons, this forum is here for support. Yes there's access to method information and you're safe to discuss that, but that's not the main function of ss for many of us. It's community with people who understand. It's okay to not die or be trying to die and be here. You're allowed to be here. You don't need to prove your right by trying to ctb. You don't need to be actively working on a way out. Your belonging is not dependent on your leaving.

thank you
im just fucking scared that i wont be able to do it. i really dont want to live another 40 or so years that sounds like a godawful nightmare

 

[アホペンギン]

You're not a fraud for being like this. Its just SI that causes this, its normal. If you're a fraud then almost everyone is a fraud who shouldn't be on this site. Don't worry. Suicide has just been made unnecessarily bothersome and difficulty to pull off by the society and survival instinct makes it even worse. You're not alone, don't worry.

 

[SVEN]

When you are ready, you'll take what action you need to. It may be CTB, it may be finding a reason or way to get through life. Whatever you decide this group is a support one, not a judgemental one. Use coming on here in whatever way helps you most.
Good wishes.