OvertheRainbeaux
stuck down a rabbit hole of misery
- Jan 1, 2020
- 43
I AM MISERABLE. I AM ANGRY. I AM TIRED.
I'm MISERABLE because my life is repetitively awful no MATTER what I do to make progress okay no matter fucking what.
I'm ANGRY because when I vent to people to get it off my chest I get nothing but surface level advice that is fucking common sense and have already done so it feels like I'm trapped in a cage SCREAMING and no one can hear me.
I'm TIRED because I keep fighting to stay alive, fighting these emotions that kill me everyday and I'm losing the battle.
IM EXHAUSTING ALL MY RESOURCES TO HAVE A BETTER LIFE AND NOTHING CHANGES.
Want to know why? Because this is my life.
I can choose to learn to cope with it or end the pain and suffering.
Why am I so bad to want to choose the latter? Why would that make certain people angry with me? They didn't listen to my truly in life so in death you're still not gonna have compassion for me? Not gonna take it as a lesson to FULLY listen when someone tells you they are in pain? STOP GIVING ME SURFACE LEVEL ADVICE PEOPLE IT DOESNT WORK. and maybe I need to understand that there is no advice for me, this is who I am. I will always be abandoned, abused, and alone. Always.
But I'm getting closer to the courage to end it and the confidence to do so.
I will still exhaust my resources which should show people that me wanting to end my life is not purely on emotional whim but on a lot of thought and processing.
TAKE A STEP IN MY SHOES FOR A WHILE REAL WORLD BEFORE YOU JUDGE ME.
IM SO ANGRY.
SO ANGRY.
I'm MISERABLE because my life is repetitively awful no MATTER what I do to make progress okay no matter fucking what.
I'm ANGRY because when I vent to people to get it off my chest I get nothing but surface level advice that is fucking common sense and have already done so it feels like I'm trapped in a cage SCREAMING and no one can hear me.
I'm TIRED because I keep fighting to stay alive, fighting these emotions that kill me everyday and I'm losing the battle.
IM EXHAUSTING ALL MY RESOURCES TO HAVE A BETTER LIFE AND NOTHING CHANGES.
Want to know why? Because this is my life.
I can choose to learn to cope with it or end the pain and suffering.
Why am I so bad to want to choose the latter? Why would that make certain people angry with me? They didn't listen to my truly in life so in death you're still not gonna have compassion for me? Not gonna take it as a lesson to FULLY listen when someone tells you they are in pain? STOP GIVING ME SURFACE LEVEL ADVICE PEOPLE IT DOESNT WORK. and maybe I need to understand that there is no advice for me, this is who I am. I will always be abandoned, abused, and alone. Always.
But I'm getting closer to the courage to end it and the confidence to do so.
I will still exhaust my resources which should show people that me wanting to end my life is not purely on emotional whim but on a lot of thought and processing.
TAKE A STEP IN MY SHOES FOR A WHILE REAL WORLD BEFORE YOU JUDGE ME.
IM SO ANGRY.
SO ANGRY.
