Venting I’m still on the fence

[guineapiglover8503]

I know some of my posts sound otherwise, but I'm still on the fence about CTB. I am trying to plan ahead if all else fails, and I am trying to give myself at least until I get into college for a while to do it if I feel there is no other option. If you feel this way about yourself, I understand as well as CTB is permanent and so it is quite the heavy decision. Listing all the nuances and whatnot can take a long time and those things change over time in many ways. If you have made up your mind, whether it is or isn't CTB, I hope that you find peace in your decision and are happy with what you have compared with the two.

If I do end up CTB, oh well. I tried my best. If I don't, then hopefully I will be able to live happy and be happy about my decision. This has been at the forefront of my mind for years and tipping the scales either way may never happen but I hope that when I do it's an educated decision. Part of me also wants to fail on my first attempt as a cry for help and also I want to try mental health counseling again. I've never been able to find a therapist that fits well with me but I hope there is one out there if I try that again.

As for you who is reading this, regardless of your decision on this or if you are undecided, please take care. I've only met nice people here and so I wish yall the best. Love yall

 

[sorararara]

i think it's best that you continue trying to live until you're absolutely sure about wanting/needing to ctb. see how college works out for you!
and i don't suggest consciously failing an attempt as a cry for help, it's risky and unnecessary. you can walk into an ER, express your suicidal thoughts, and yield the same results as a failed attempt. getting the professional help that you need and deserve is a big step in the right direction. the process can be fucking exhausting, but anything's worth it if it provides the peace that you need.

you do seem to have a decent amount of hope which is always great to see! just exhaust all of your options and take your time to figure things out. you have all the time in the world to make this decision, so there's no need to rush or stress yourself out.
i hope you find your peace, and i hope everything works out in your favor. :)

 

[gummyshark]

when you do make up your mind, ctb or not, I hope you find peace either way and hopefully everything works out. Good luck !!

 

[guineapiglover8503]

i think it's best that you continue trying to live until you're absolutely sure about wanting/needing to ctb. see how college works out for you!
and i don't suggest consciously failing an attempt as a cry for help, it's risky and unnecessary. you can walk into an ER, express your suicidal thoughts, and yield the same results as a failed attempt. getting the professional help that you need and deserve is a big step in the right direction. the process can be fucking exhausting, but anything's worth it if it provides the peace that you need.

you do seem to have a decent amount of hope which is always great to see! just exhaust all of your options and take your time to figure things out. you have all the time in the world to make this decision, so there's no need to rush or stress yourself out.
i hope you find your peace, and i hope everything works out in your favor. :)

thank you so much