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phoenixx
Experienced
- Apr 8, 2019
- 262
I haven't been on here in a few years. I don't know if anyone I knew back then is still here, but I'm going to post an update anyway.
Let's just say nothing has really changed. If anything, things have just got worse.
I'm 27 and my life is pretty fucking meaningless still. No career. I'm more isolated than ever, I don't even have online friends anymore. I cut them all off. I still don't have a social life or anything.
I'm still addicted to painkillers, I did try to stop multiple times but the past few months.. it's gone out of control. I've been buying otc painkillers and alcohol, taking other people's prescription painkillers.. I've consumed so many painkillers and bottles of vodka in the past few months that I'm surprised I'm still alive. It was only the other week I was throwing up blood and thought I was going to pass out and not wake up. Unfortunately I did.
The only reason I'm still hanging on is for my five year old niece. She means everything to me but I'm starting to think she would be better off without me.
I don't have much hope for the future. It seems like even my family are getting fed up of me, that's with them not even knowing about my addiction. Everyday I wake up and it's just awful. I hate myself. I just don't want to live this life anymore. I just hope I have the guts to ctb soon. It'll be better for everyone else anyway.
Let's just say nothing has really changed. If anything, things have just got worse.
I'm 27 and my life is pretty fucking meaningless still. No career. I'm more isolated than ever, I don't even have online friends anymore. I cut them all off. I still don't have a social life or anything.
I'm still addicted to painkillers, I did try to stop multiple times but the past few months.. it's gone out of control. I've been buying otc painkillers and alcohol, taking other people's prescription painkillers.. I've consumed so many painkillers and bottles of vodka in the past few months that I'm surprised I'm still alive. It was only the other week I was throwing up blood and thought I was going to pass out and not wake up. Unfortunately I did.
The only reason I'm still hanging on is for my five year old niece. She means everything to me but I'm starting to think she would be better off without me.
I don't have much hope for the future. It seems like even my family are getting fed up of me, that's with them not even knowing about my addiction. Everyday I wake up and it's just awful. I hate myself. I just don't want to live this life anymore. I just hope I have the guts to ctb soon. It'll be better for everyone else anyway.