If you're seriously bothered by suicidal thoughts/ideation, please seek professional help. As much as many of us here badmouth doctors and therapists, sometimes they could really provide help. If you're not comfortable with professionals, I think a lot of us on here are happy to lend an ear (or a pair of eyes, more likely) for your troubles.
If you are leaning toward CTB, I hope you choose your methods wisely and it all goes the way you hope.
I've been in and out of psychiatric hospitals, shit gets expensive quick. They treat you like cattle, and the doctors only have 30 seconds to check up on you, so you know they don't really care. Speaking to the members of this form has actually helped me untangle the mess in my brain because - to some degree - we can all relate to one another. My psychiatrist helps well, I like talking to him, but he's running out of tools to help me. On our last appointment, he was basically begging to make an appoint with a therapist, since they're trained in critical and interpersonal skills.
I'm very skeptical about therapy, I don't trust them. I'm scared of what I might find out.
@AnnihilatedAnna recommends that I go see a one to manage my symptoms, but I find it unsettling disclosing my personal life to a person I don't know / care for; however, I know this is a next logical step if I want to ever get better. I just have to make a leap into faith.
