I feel the same way and I hope we both get to CTB in the most peaceful way and I hope you find the peace you deserve. But I will say, there is something we as people can often forget and we as people on SaSu is that, we are in a community of likeminded people who are going through similar issues and have found ourselves here as a last thread i suppose. We forget that while we are here before its over, we are together. And I think that is the most morbidly beautiful thing. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I feel you and I wish you relief and peace and some comfort in the end. <3