Venting I'm sorry to everyone I know

[C:/]

All my life I have just given excuses on how I have failed. It makes me realize, do I even have the potential to do anything in life, if I can't even keep up with schoolwork and keep up a sleep routine? My room is an absolute mess. I have given up on self care. All I do daily is a mix of music and self-loathing. I will never be enough for anyone or anything in this world. All I am is a burden.
Recently I have had a talk with my dad, and he says he doesn't get why I am giving up. I have everything I need. I should be happy, but all I feel is melancholy. I want to feel, whether that be happiness, sadness, anger, etc. My inability to function as a human being has fucked over my career plans, and now I am just dead weight slowing down my family. I just turned 18, but I still rely on my parents help like a selfish asshole. Even though I am surrounded by people I know, I have never felt more alone. My entire battle is just me.

I want someone to help me, give me a hug and tell me everything is going to be okay. But that is fiction, nothing is going to work out my way because of this hell of my own making that I am stuck in. I know if I ever got this help I would selfishly take advantage of it with my touch deprived warped sense of relationships. I have not once in my life ever been in a healthy relationship, whether that be family or romantic. I'm not good enough, I'll never be. I'd just hold them back.

My parents have emphasized that I have no discipline and am just a lazy piece of shit. I've tried to explain that I am depressed and just recently got diagnosed with ADHD, but it is just an excuse. They taught me that no one in the real world gives a shit about you, they just care about the results you show. I want a way out.

In the words of my dad, "Your entire life is just excuses", and he is right.

 

[Valky]

I had the same problems as you. Grades dropping, sleep completely ducked up. Getting the impression I am just a lazy piece of shit who takes advantage of everything.

But I made it and you can too :)

Feel free to pm me if you wanna talk (I am running late kdbfekeudbe)

 

[groucho]

You're 18 you can turn it around, you may not think it now but trust me 18 is so young.

I appreciate you may not be thinking clearly at the moment if you're deep in depression but are your parents objectively negative in their interactions with you, or are they supportive? You may want to write down what they actually said or did rather than how you felt because if you're in a depressed mindset you may precieve supportive words as negative unless they are carefully worded.

If they are actually supportive but frustrated you maybe able to have a frank and honest conversation with them about what you need and how you feel.