Venting I’m sorry love.

[iloveloving]

My love often calls me to tell me how horrible I am and how much I've ruined his life.

He says he hates me but afterwards follows he loves me. He blames everything on me and says it's my fault for his behavior. He threatens to hit me when he's very angry. He claims I am a bad person and I'm very selfish. He talks about me being mean. When I try to tell him about my thoughts and feelings, he dismisses it. ETC.

I did hurt him in the past by breaking up with him and ever since he's held a grudge against me. But this all was happening even before then, so I don't know. I am extremely lovable and patient with him. Yes, I do get upset; but I never dare to insult, raise my voice, or curse at him, ever.

It makes me feel absolutely terrible about myself. All I can think of is how much I want to CTB when I'm listening to him. I cannot leave while he's talking or else he will leave me. This is a strict rule. One time he held me over the phone for 8 hours all night of constantly bashing me, and doing snow.

He confuses me very much because even now I think about walking away since I am a terrible lover, but I love him dearly.

Why doesn't he leave me? Why does he claim he loves me but does this? Is this because he's unhealed or he's struggling with mental health?

I'm sorry for everything. I still have hope of us working out and I want to love you, but I'm not sure if I can live physically anymore. You will be better off without me. I'm sorry my love.

 

[jexiste]

Don't apologize to him. You're in an abusive relationship with someone who has both isolated you and attempted to take control of your sense of self worth. You are clearly a very caring, attentive person with a genuine desire to both help and satisfy people. Your partner not recognizing this wonderful characteristic that you have and additionally gaslighting you ad infinitum is atrocious behavior.

You seem like a wonderful person and I'm saddened that your desire to end your life is being imposed on you by a sociopathic narcissist asshole. You are not a terrible partner or any of the things you are calling yourself/being called by this manipulative person. He's certainly struggling with mental health issues and it's not on you to fix his problems.. or to deal with his abusive behavior towards you.

 

[maniac116]

My love often calls me to tell me how horrible I am and how much I've ruined his life.

He says he hates me but afterwards follows he loves me. He blames everything on me and says it's my fault for his behavior. He hits me when he's very angry. He claims I am a bad person and I'm very selfish. He talks about me being mean. When I try to tell him about my thoughts and feelings, he dismisses it. ETC.

I did hurt him in the past by breaking up with him and ever since he's held a grudge against me. But this all was happening even before then, so I don't know. I am extremely lovable and patient with him. Yes, I do get upset; but I never dare to insult, raise my voice, or curse at him, ever.

It makes me feel absolutely terrible about myself. All I can think of is how much I want to CTB when I'm listening to him. I cannot leave while he's talking or else he will leave me. This is a strict rule. One time he held me over the phone for 8 hours all night of constantly bashing me, and doing snow.

He confuses me very much because even now I think about walking away since I am a terrible lover, but I love him dearly.

Why doesn't he leave me? Why does he claim he loves me but does this? Is this because he's unhealed or he's struggling with mental health?

I'm sorry for everything. I still have hope of us working out and I want to love you, but I'm not sure if I can live physically anymore. You will be better off without me. I'm sorry my love.

Why would you want to be with someone like that?
Get away from the abuser any way you can!
You do not deserve that. Nobody does.
I hope you can find your way to a better situation & I know you can if you try.
Peace

 

[pain6batch9]

I'm going to tell you this because he isn't.

He doesn't love you. People who love you, don't treat you this way. He's trying to possess you. At least that's what it sounds like to me.

I'm sorry you're going through this, but no other person is worth the effort of checking out. That has to be personal. My biggest cuddles and sympathy to you and I hope you find a way to finally say goodbye, to him.