Venting I’m so tired of being cum rags for men.

[crea_the_hopeless]

None of you will probably read this. It'll get lost in the heap of more important posts (which I hope it does actually.) I know this probably has nothing to do with anything. I just don't have any friends and this is the only place where I could vent.

I don't know what it is about me but almost every guy that I meet that is somewhat attracted to me fucks me. And not in some flattering, "I really like you" type of way. Most of these dudes are straight up manipulative/disrespectful with it. Idk what it is about me that causes that reaction at first glance. It's not like I'm some special super attractive girl. I'm fat, ugly, and black. They see me and immediately see sex.No one ever wants to take me serious or do nice things for me. No one takes me on dates. It's always just talk and sex. None of them even have the audacity to wear condoms after I ask them to. It's always some excuse.

But what's even more fucked up about this is the fact that I let it happen. I just let them do what they want. I don't know how to say no. It's like i know the action is inevitable yet I don't know how to control it. And it makes me feel terrible each time. Like dirt. Scum. Waste. But it's almost as if I deserve this. Being hyper sexual is a struggle. After years of being molested in early childhood it's like a go to of mine for some reason. It's the only affection I get. The only times that I'm not lonely. The only time i get to connect. I know it's not real love but I don't know how to not engage.

I never spark up these encounters. I never initiate the sex act. I never ask for it. I don't wear revealing clothes. I don't talk about sex to provoke it. It just happens. I don't know how to say no. I don't know how to say stop. I just let it happen. It's almost as if men look at me and immediately see that I'm easy or something. They can see the submissiveness. I'm easily conquered and I'll probably be that way the rest of my life. I've lost count of the number of people that have already got what they wanted. Ik it's only going to get worse.

I've been suicidal for most of my life. I really hate myself. Honestly, for as long as I could recognize my consciousness. My sheer existence has fucked up so many opportunities for my parents. They try their best to show love regardless but I can't forgive myself for existing. Realizing at a young age that i'm dirty and I do nothing but provide pleasure for men that want to take hasn't been that helpful either.

If I don't kill myself I'm sure that one day a disease will.

 

[Macc Lad]

you need to raise the bar a touch higher sweet.......plenty of men out there that will/do take advantage! x

 

[jake3d]

Agree. Don't be that easy. Look at yourself in the mirror and practice saying "no". (jeez, i wish i took my own advice).

I can totally relate, My inability to say no (although it doesn't have to do with sex) has brought upon the damage that i now have to leave this life for.

 

[Jean Améry]

I'm sorry to hear you were treated so disrespectfully. You deserve far better. I know this is easier said than done but you need to figure out why you let this happen (from what I gather you weren't raped or molested but clearly taken advantage of) and stop letting men do this to you. If you haven't tried this already I'd suggest counseling or introspection. Anything that might help you deal with the effects of the sexual abuse. I really am sorry that happened to you. For the life of me I don''t understand how anyone can be so evil as to abuse a child.

It's sad that you feel this is the only way you can get the attention you need. While our situations are obviously very different I recognise your deep need of belonging/connectedness in myself aswell. I think it's clear you're very loney and need positive attention and affection. I truly empathize with that as it is what I seek too.

You need to stay away from men who treat you like nothing but a piece of meat. You're a human-being who deserves respect and kindness. There are good men out there who'll want to hang out with you for you and not just your body.

When I read about things like this I almost feel ashamed to be male.

From the clear way you are able to verbalize your feelings and thoughts I think it's obvious you're intelligent. This should allow you to realize you're obviously not worthless, where these feelings are coming from and that the past does not necessarily has to dictate the future.

 

[GeorgeJL]

I'm sorry that you've had such bad experiences with men. If you want I can help you up your game and attract high quality men. But you will have to do a lot of work on yourself. You can PM me.

 

[suffering]

You sound like a very self aware and observant person, which is rare. I'm sorry you are going through this, I wish you strength to fight for your peace of mind, I'm sure you deserve it.
One way to disincentivise yourself from engaging is this kind of behavior is thinking about the horrible possible side effects. You could end up pregnant and suffer the pain of an abortion or even worse, you could bring a child into this world, which is the biggest crime anyone can commit.
Just put yourself first.
Especially after I discovered how hard it is to commit suicide (I might never be able to do it, my survival instinct is too strong) I have become very paranoid and careful with everything I do. I think long term. I hit the gym, I avoid spending money and I most importantly stay away from anyone who I suspect might be toxic. We're all alone in this world and many bad things can happen. Avoiding suffering is more important that seeking pleasure.
Sending hugs!

 

[NoDream]

When they abused you during your childhood years they programmed you to become the person you are today.

Yes, the men see this on you, they can tell how you are programmed. They are predators and you are their victim.

It is possible to break the cycle, but it often requires a skilled Psycholog, a loving family or friends that cares, and a lot of time and money.

But you seem to be unusually intelligent, maybe you could try self hypnosis to reprogram yourself?

(This is the base, when you haved tried a couple of times you can add the message you want to give yourself.)

Please visit wikiHow directly

www.wikihow.com

 

[Soul]

Ohhh Crea, I understand and empathize and care. You can find help turning off the programming that's letting men prey on you. I might start by taking some kind of self-defense class for women, to help you protect the little girl who's still being abused. People who run courses like that understand that you need self-esteem built from the ground up and are very likely to be able to direct you to good forms of therapy.
(((Hugs)))

 

[PatKat]

None of you will probably read this. It'll get lost in the heap of more important posts (which I hope it does actually.) I know this probably has nothing to do with anything. I just don't have any friends and this is the only place where I could vent.

I don't know what it is about me but almost every guy that I meet that is somewhat attracted to me fucks me. And not in some flattering, "I really like you" type of way. Most of these dudes are straight up manipulative/disrespectful with it. Idk what it is about me that causes that reaction at first glance. It's not like I'm some special super attractive girl. I'm fat, ugly, and black. They see me and immediately see sex.No one ever wants to take me serious or do nice things for me. No one takes me on dates. It's always just talk and sex. None of them even have the audacity to wear condoms after I ask them to. It's always some excuse.

But what's even more fucked up about this is the fact that I let it happen. I just let them do what they want. I don't know how to say no. It's like i know the action is inevitable yet I don't know how to control it. And it makes me feel terrible each time. Like dirt. Scum. Waste. But it's almost as if I deserve this. Being hyper sexual is a struggle. After years of being molested in early childhood it's like a go to of mine for some reason. It's the only affection I get. The only times that I'm not lonely. The only time i get to connect. I know it's not real love but I don't know how to not engage.

I never spark up these encounters. I never initiate the sex act. I never ask for it. I don't wear revealing clothes. I don't talk about sex to provoke it. It just happens. I don't know how to say no. I don't know how to say stop. I just let it happen. It's almost as if men look at me and immediately see that I'm easy or something. They can see the submissiveness. I'm easily conquered and I'll probably be that way the rest of my life. I've lost count of the number of people that have already got what they wanted. Ik it's only going to get worse.

I've been suicidal for most of my life. I really hate myself. Honestly, for as long as I could recognize my consciousness. My sheer existence has fucked up so many opportunities for my parents. They try their best to show love regardless but I can't forgive myself for existing. Realizing at a young age that i'm dirty and I do nothing but provide pleasure for men that want to take hasn't been that helpful either.

If I don't kill myself I'm sure that one day a disease will.

I'm really sorry you go through that. I can relate though I gave up relationships, and even being touched. Every relationship I have had I have been abused, and manipulated so I just stopped them. I dont have any issues being alone now.

I seem to attract those types so I can blame myself. I read that we are the type of people that they prey on which is sad. Men and women do this also so dont feel alone. If you ever want to talk I am here. I hope you feel better.

 

[HappyEnding]

You're going to have to work up the courage to say no, especially to unprotected sex with the risk with an unwanted pregnancy. I know that sometimes you just want affection and companionship but it's better to be alone than to be fucked over time and again. I say weed out the toxic people in your life and keep those you trust. And if those you trust stab you in the back, kick them to the curb too. Saying no will be hard, but living a life of continued abuse, regrets and self-hatred will be harder.

 

[ninaevol]

I can relate. Although I haven't been molested, I've always been hypersexual and also used sex as a form of self-harm. I think your inability to say no also stems from your need for intimacy, affection and a connection (or the illusion of it), as it does for myself as well.

 

[crea_the_hopeless]

I can relate. Although I haven't been molested, I've always been hypersexual and also used sex as a form of self-harm. I think your inability to say no also stems from your need for intimacy, affection and a connection (or the illusion of it), as it does for myself as well.

Yeah i struggle with self harm (cutting) and having sex is definitely another form if it. I feel like I deserve all the hurt.

When they abused you during your childhood years they programmed you to become the person you are today.

Yes, the men see this on you, they can tell how you are programmed. They are predators and you are their victim.

It is possible to break the cycle, but it often requires a skilled Psycholog, a loving family or friends that cares, and a lot of time and money.

But you seem to be unusually intelligent, maybe you could try self hypnosis to reprogram yourself?

(This is the base, when you haved tried a couple of times you can add the message you want to give yourself.)

Please visit wikiHow directly

www.wikihow.com

Thank you for this. I will have to try it.
I appreciate everyone's kind words. Thank you for your advice and empathy. If I am to keep on living I have to choose better ways to deal with this. Thank you

 

[Jean Améry]

Yeah i struggle with self harm (cutting) and having sex is definitely another form if it. I feel like I deserve all the hurt.

Why do you feel like you deserve to be hurt?

 

[KnightOfEnceladus]

@crea_the_hopeless: the only thing I can think of is starting by trying to reclaim your body and your sexuality for yourself.

What was done to you permanently altered how you perceive your ownership of your body, and more importantly, your emotions. You never got to set boundaries for yourself. And yes, men can see this, and some will take advantage of it, because those particular men are scum. They are taking advantage of someone who's already traumatized and suffering from a distorted sense of her own self worth.

One woman to another, I'd say this: start by fantasizing in bed about what you want from an ideal lover. I don't know if you like women at all; if you do this may be easier, as women tend to be a lot gentler for the simple reason that they know about this kind of pain. In any case, fantasize about what you'd want to do together with--not just "what you would want done to you," as if you were a piece of meat!--someone you were deeply in love with and felt completely safe around.

This will be easier if you have a good grasp of your body's sensitive places, in particular your clitoris and possibly your nipples. Imagine not just a lover using his (her?) mouth and lips and tongue and fingers on you, but being able to communicate in the moment what feels good and makes you feel safe...and that s/he is attentive and responsive to it. When you're really close with someone, you and they become nearly telepathic and very in tune with even small nonverbal cues.

Mostly, you need to be able to tell yourself that you are worthy of love, worthy of being loved, worthy of having a lover who builds you up as a person by way of your pleasure spots and your body. This is not an easy road or a short one, but the first step on it is to overpower the negative, controlling memes you've been implanted with.

 

[jake3d]

Yeah i struggle with self harm (cutting) and having sex is definitely another form if it. I feel like I deserve all the hurt.

You deserve to be loved and fucked hard and pleased. Not hurt. Try repeating that in your mind a few times.

 

[not_a_robot]

Edit: never mind. That was not the right advice for someone with low self-esteem.

 

[crea_the_hopeless]

Why do you feel like you deserve to be hurt?

I really dislike myself. Like it's an intense hate. I'd imagine it's the way someone feels about their worst enemy. So when I hurt myself I don't necessarily get pleasure, just an extreme satisfaction.

 

[Final Escape]

None of you will probably read this. It'll get lost in the heap of more important posts (which I hope it does actually.) I know this probably has nothing to do with anything. I just don't have any friends and this is the only place where I could vent.

I don't know what it is about me but almost every guy that I meet that is somewhat attracted to me fucks me. And not in some flattering, "I really like you" type of way. Most of these dudes are straight up manipulative/disrespectful with it. Idk what it is about me that causes that reaction at first glance. It's not like I'm some special super attractive girl. I'm fat, ugly, and black. They see me and immediately see sex.No one ever wants to take me serious or do nice things for me. No one takes me on dates. It's always just talk and sex. None of them even have the audacity to wear condoms after I ask them to. It's always some excuse.

But what's even more fucked up about this is the fact that I let it happen. I just let them do what they want. I don't know how to say no. It's like i know the action is inevitable yet I don't know how to control it. And it makes me feel terrible each time. Like dirt. Scum. Waste. But it's almost as if I deserve this. Being hyper sexual is a struggle. After years of being molested in early childhood it's like a go to of mine for some reason. It's the only affection I get. The only times that I'm not lonely. The only time i get to connect. I know it's not real love but I don't know how to not engage.

I never spark up these encounters. I never initiate the sex act. I never ask for it. I don't wear revealing clothes. I don't talk about sex to provoke it. It just happens. I don't know how to say no. I don't know how to say stop. I just let it happen. It's almost as if men look at me and immediately see that I'm easy or something. They can see the submissiveness. I'm easily conquered and I'll probably be that way the rest of my life. I've lost count of the number of people that have already got what they wanted. Ik it's only going to get worse.

I've been suicidal for most of my life. I really hate myself. Honestly, for as long as I could recognize my consciousness. My sheer existence has fucked up so many opportunities for my parents. They try their best to show love regardless but I can't forgive myself for existing. Realizing at a young age that i'm dirty and I do nothing but provide pleasure for men that want to take hasn't been that helpful either.

If I don't kill myself I'm sure that one day a disease will.

I can relate, this was my route into prostitution. I had the same issues. How old are u? Were u ever sexually abused in childhood? Hopefully u are still pretty young and can get a handle on this. The best thing I think u can do is not be alone with any guys u meet because when they get u alone it becomes more difficult to resist or give in.

This right here is why they used to really be on women to avoid sex before marriage or not before a guy has commited to u. Sex is way more impactful on women than it is on a man. Many partners for women is damaging to us but not as much for men. It hurts our ability to pair bond which raises risk of relationship breakdown in the future. I know it's not easy to do but you have to stop or reduce the risk of hooking up with guys that just want sex.

You have to raise your standards and not have sex until a guy actually gained your trust fully over time. If he really likes u he would be willing to wait, if not then at least u won't risk single motherhood, or just being used and made to feel like shit. Sorry I missed it, I saw that u were sexually abused, well that explains a lot about why it's hard for u to set boundaries and assert yourself with men. Totally understand, I had same problems. Sorry u have to go through this too :("

I heard of a resource to help women overcome this trauma but u might have to look for these meetings. Search on internet. Basically there is some sort of meetings for sexual abuse survivors but u have to look in your area. Your issues are trauma related. It's easy for me to sit here and say stop doing that but I realize it's way easier said than done. This situation can really get out of your control like an addiction.

You feel valuable because some guy makes u feel wanted, but then u feel ashamed because u didn't really want that to happen. Then u beat yourself up over it and wonder why u feel like u have such lack of self control. I would keep repeating this destructive behavior because I was trapped in some weird cycle. I can't explain it. There was tons of shame though.

Remember that as a young woman u are at high value biologically and men are low value when young biologically, guys are much less picky about who they have sex with than women because men are not 100% sure a child is theirs so they are less discriminating about sex partners. Men are willing to hook up with most women especially when women are young and reasonably attractive. So u have to be more discriminating and choose a guy carefully because even with birth control there's risk for pregnancy and abortion is not something u want to go through. Just make sure u are looking for moral qualities in a man not going for the unreliable bad ones who will not be around in the event that u get pregnant.

 

[Sitokirment]

Do you a think a proper relationship would make you happier?

 

[Divine Trinity]

I wouldn't say that men can tell when a woman is emotionally/mentally vulnerable, as a species we're relatively poor at communicating, or at least not as good as we imagine, this includes body language. Unless you're trained in these things at best you're unaware of your own reactions while conversing. Moreso for males during these times as they're raised to have anti-social characteristics, the hurdle is just that much higher. Point being, don't waste your time searching for a villain, rather than learning what caused you and those people to act up to that 'final' point so you can prevent and maybe recover from your experiences.

Obviously as you said there's a history and early trauma, perhaps exploring those details and understanding the mechanisms at play that influenced your ego (sense of self, conciousness) can lead to the next step.

I believe these early steps are the hardest, and can't be resolved from 3rd parties until you know what you're looking for. I'm no expert but hope this helps, feel free to pm for some references to some of the mechanisms that influence our behavior.

 

[ImsooDone1N]

I'm so sorry Crea. I wish I could be of more help here, but as someone pointed out, you do sound like a self aware & observant person. So I hope that this is something you can work to change. It makes me feel terrible to hear this. There was a lot of good feed back here & I just hope your able to make use of some of it as you deserve better.