Venting i'm so scared of dying

[sorararara]

i have nearly everything prepared, just need to get a few things done. i'm gonna ctb this friday. i'm so fucking scared of dying. i know it's inevitable, it'll happen no matter what, but i can't shake this fear.
i absolutely need to die before sunday (before saturday, ideally) but i'm so anxious.

i'm going to do it, i'm just so scared. i've been so anxious since making the decision. everything is scaring me.
i'm scared of failing. i'm scared that i'll have to tell all of my worried friends that i didn't actually die. i'm scared of being found too early and becoming brain damaged. i'm scared of SI kicking in. i'm scared of absolutely everything.

i wish i didn't have to die but i really don't have a choice now. it's die now, or be miserable and die later. i wish i could've lived a happy and peaceful life.

 

[No More Tears]

Death is a hard thing to comprehend. I'm not going to tell you not to be scared, because everyone goes through the emotions. It's always a battle.

Remain strong my friend.

 

[Aprilfarewell4]

i have nearly everything prepared, just need to get a few things done. i'm gonna ctb this friday. i'm so fucking scared of dying. i know it's inevitable, it'll happen no matter what, but i can't shake this fear.
i absolutely need to die before sunday (before saturday, ideally) but i'm so anxious.

i'm going to do it, i'm just so scared. i've been so anxious since making the decision. everything is scaring me.
i'm scared of failing. i'm scared that i'll have to tell all of my worried friends that i didn't actually die. i'm scared of being found too early and becoming brain damaged. i'm scared of SI kicking in. i'm scared of absolutely everything.

i wish i didn't have to die but i really don't have a choice now. it's die now, or be miserable and die later. i wish i could've lived a happy and peaceful life.

I'm sorry. I understand. You are NOT alone. I'm ctb too.
there is a good chance your fear will overcome, for better or worse I don't know.
Either way, it's going to be alright.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you have to suffer so much, it truly is such a cruel existence. But anyway I wish you all the best.

 

[agony1996]

i have nearly everything prepared, just need to get a few things done. i'm gonna ctb this friday. i'm so fucking scared of dying. i know it's inevitable, it'll happen no matter what, but i can't shake this fear.
i absolutely need to die before sunday (before saturday, ideally) but i'm so anxious.

i'm going to do it, i'm just so scared. i've been so anxious since making the decision. everything is scaring me.
i'm scared of failing. i'm scared that i'll have to tell all of my worried friends that i didn't actually die. i'm scared of being found too early and becoming brain damaged. i'm scared of SI kicking in. i'm scared of absolutely everything.

i wish i didn't have to die but i really don't have a choice now. it's die now, or be miserable and die later. i wish i could've lived a happy and peaceful life.

I understand and sympathize with you.
I know i have to ctb as well I can't bear this pain but like you I'm terrified of dying.
I actually don't want to die but I have no choice but I'm so scared of everything about it. Ctbing is the most difficult, scariest, loneliest decision to make.
It takes in unbelievable amount of courage not everyone has that amount of courage so if you don't go through with it don't be hard on yourself. Hugs

 

[pariah80]

I'm doing it Saturday, but I feel your fear. It's the unknown. For some reason, we're programmed to fear it. I'm still going through with it. I mean, I'm going to die eventually anyway. Might as well be this weekend, by my own hand. I'm scared, but there are worse ways to go. Good luck to you, no matter what happens.

 

[promapicide]

I feel the same way. Can anyone confirm it gets better?

 

[Chronicallyunwell]

What the fuck people? Unless you have a chronic painful illness that cannot be cured please give life a chance.
Do it for me and people on this forum who truly have no choice.

 

[shego1217]

What the fuck people? Unless you have a chronic painful illness that cannot be cured please give life a chance.
Do it for me and people on this forum who truly have no choice.

I really think life is unbearable across the board (just my perspective). I'm not sure if I would meet your criteria based on me having multiple sclerosis and some other conditions/health stuff. While having a chronic illness sucks for me and is a large part of why I want to CTB, so is a bunch of other stuff (anxiety/depression, grieving the loss of my support system (my mom who passed towards the end of last year), being lonely since I have no siblings, significant other, kids, barely any friends, being unattractive, failing at my job, etc.) and I think other people can relate to these/or similar reasons outside of chronic illness.

Disclaimer: Not trying to convince anyone to CTB or argue with the person who posted the initial comment I'm replying to, just sharing my perspective

 

[sorararara]

update: got some money :3 i can stay a bit longer now

What the fuck people? Unless you have a chronic painful illness that cannot be cured please give life a chance.
Do it for me and people on this forum who truly have no choice.

i know you likely meant well, i'm sure you just wanted to help and i appreciate that, but this is a pretty ignorant take. even people without chronic illnesses can be in hopeless situations. some people just have no interest in living, and choosing not to live for that reason is valid in a lot of cases.

i'm not going to dive into my my entire situation, but i will explain a bit:
i wouldn't kill myself just because i'm in a temporarily bad situation. i meant it when i said that i don't WANT to die. if i felt as if i had any chance to live a happy life, i never would have joined sasu. most of my issues lie within facts that cannot be changed.
i don't want to live in a hateful society and i don't want to adapt to it either. that's an unfixable problem.
no matter how much professional and emotional support i receive, i am miserable and paranoid in every relationship that i have ever been in, platonic or otherwise. i guess the solution here would be to isolate? i've done it before, i was isolated for years and i can't handle being alone like that again. it's a lose-lose situation.

i could go on, but i don't want my comment to be too long.

i've tried to plot out every single future circumstance, and for a million different reasons i can't see myself being truly happy in any of them. i can see myself being distracted and/or somewhat content, but i don't want that. i don't want constant underlying misery. i'm not even sure why i'm trying again right now.

thank you again for trying to help and apologies for the super long comment

 

[Chronicallyunwell]

update: got some money :3 i can stay a bit longer now

i know you likely meant well, i'm sure you just wanted to help and i appreciate that, but this is a pretty ignorant take. even people without chronic illnesses can be in hopeless situations. some people just have no interest in living, and choosing not to live for that reason is valid in a lot of cases.

i'm not going to dive into my my entire situation, but i will explain a bit:
i wouldn't kill myself just because i'm in a temporarily bad situation. i meant it when i said that i don't WANT to die. if i felt as if i had any chance to live a happy life, i never would have joined sasu. most of my issues lie within facts that cannot be changed.
i don't want to live in a hateful society and i don't want to adapt to it either. that's an unfixable problem.
no matter how much professional and emotional support i receive, i am miserable and paranoid in every relationship that i have ever been in, platonic or otherwise. i guess the solution here would be to isolate? i've done it before, i was isolated for years and i can't handle being alone like that again. it's a lose-lose situation.

i could go on, but i don't want my comment to be too long.

i've tried to plot out every single future circumstance, and for a million different reasons i can't see myself being truly happy in any of them. i can see myself being distracted and/or somewhat content, but i don't want that. i don't want constant underlying misery. i'm not even sure why i'm trying again right now.

thank you again for trying to help and apologies for the super long comment

Please give it a chance, i would give anything for one day even free from physical pain. I would beg you to do this for me.

 

[suffering_mo_7]

Please give it a chance, i would give anything for one day even free from physical pain. I would beg you to do this for me.

I have terrible physical pain but I also got damaged mentally and neurologically, keeping me from sleeping, having horrible depression, inability to connect with the ones I love, etc, etc. So I understand your point that health is gold. Mental illness can sometimes be just as bad. I have never been extremely happy. Most of my life has been "content" and I was good with that. However, I have been through horrible periods where I didn't have chronic pain but had extreme major depression with severe insomnia, anxiety and sometimes akathisia and those were horrendous times also. It's hard to understand when we haven't lived it. I don't judge anyone but sometimes, I feel people are suiciding for reasons that just seem transient, or things that can be lived through (breakups, etc) or because they are upset with a parent, etc, etc. Life isn't, nor will it ever be easy. Sometimes never really "good" but suicide should never be an option if you can bear it.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

The best way so far that I have come up with to combat SI is to tell myself that I will eventually have to overcome it someday no matter what. Whether it is by choice or by force. Statistics imply that most people will an uncomfortable or painful death, not a peaceful natural decline such as in their sleep. At least by CTBing on my own terms, I can try and maximize my odds of the latter as much as I can.