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imalreadyd3ad
New Member
- Aug 23, 2024
- 3
hi all, i'm "new" to this site and i mean i was here on 2019/2020 and then i had to fight for so many things but i never forgot the love and care i received here.
since then, things got worse, my dad passed away two years ago and since he left i can't find reasons to live and depression is getting worse. i promised him i'll finish university but i'm not even doing exams anymore,
I keep putting off exams, feeling anxious because they'll soon realize that I'm no longer able to study.
I'm not as well off as other people who attend my university, I see them doing their exams on time and even in a few days, I see them celebrating in all things. I, on the other hand, no longer find meaning, I live with the fear of death, but at the same time I would like to stop living. very often I don't even remember the names of things or people and I believe that all this came following the last depressive episode in which I spent 8 months in bed sleeping, I didn't wash myself and I never wanted to eat, I just went by of chocolate.
my ex occasionally gets in touch with me and pretends to be my friend, in reality she always finds a perfect excuse to tell me how beautiful her life is since her boyfriend is with her.
while I don't even have two friends in my life, i struggle in doing friendships and in university they laugh at me every time. also, if you have a friend in university studying will be also easier. my love life has been always bad and no girl has ever loved me, including her.
they only used me.
I spend most of my time alone at home and if it weren't for that video game that still keeps me alive (Fortnite) I would feel completely useless.
I have no friends, I can't make friends anymore and the people in my city have turned out to be opportunists. one day they say hi to you and the other day they pretend that they don't even see you.
How much I would like to just have a trusted friend, but I know I will always be alone.
I'm not afraid of death, if I'm the one who has to die, I really wish there was a faster method than SN and i wish i'm able to ctb in september before going back to university
since then, things got worse, my dad passed away two years ago and since he left i can't find reasons to live and depression is getting worse. i promised him i'll finish university but i'm not even doing exams anymore,
I keep putting off exams, feeling anxious because they'll soon realize that I'm no longer able to study.
I'm not as well off as other people who attend my university, I see them doing their exams on time and even in a few days, I see them celebrating in all things. I, on the other hand, no longer find meaning, I live with the fear of death, but at the same time I would like to stop living. very often I don't even remember the names of things or people and I believe that all this came following the last depressive episode in which I spent 8 months in bed sleeping, I didn't wash myself and I never wanted to eat, I just went by of chocolate.
my ex occasionally gets in touch with me and pretends to be my friend, in reality she always finds a perfect excuse to tell me how beautiful her life is since her boyfriend is with her.
while I don't even have two friends in my life, i struggle in doing friendships and in university they laugh at me every time. also, if you have a friend in university studying will be also easier. my love life has been always bad and no girl has ever loved me, including her.
they only used me.
I spend most of my time alone at home and if it weren't for that video game that still keeps me alive (Fortnite) I would feel completely useless.
I have no friends, I can't make friends anymore and the people in my city have turned out to be opportunists. one day they say hi to you and the other day they pretend that they don't even see you.
How much I would like to just have a trusted friend, but I know I will always be alone.
I'm not afraid of death, if I'm the one who has to die, I really wish there was a faster method than SN and i wish i'm able to ctb in september before going back to university