_Minsk
death: the cure for life
- Dec 9, 2019
- 1,110
when does the time come that i finally can enjoy life?
im so pissed, im waiting now for nearly 7 years im giving my best, im suffering at my work place for so long now, i have been trough so much sh*t now, it hurts so damn much!!
i feel like im waiting my whole life for the one day where i can finally enjoy my life, where im able to look into the face of my parents and say im glad that im here, im thankful for all you have been doing, without faking a stupid happy face and hiding my tears all the time.. ive been waiting for so long, while others are just being di*cks, making others feel miserable to make themselves feel better and enjoying life, driving a big car and all this nonsense... its so damn unfair, ive been trying so hard to treat others good, eating healthy, doin sports and being mindful of what im doing,.. i cant even kill spiders, mosquitoes without feeling instant bad about it.. ive become so apathetic over the last few months, i wish i had more control over my life but im so damn tired, panic attacks daily, insomnia, nightmare, social anxiety, fibromyalgia, dp + dr, highly sensitive, ocd, mental and cognitive issues and all this stuff are making my life a perfect hell.. i have no energy, my body aches each morning and the days i thought humans do care are over.. one month ago i entered a relationship with my perfect woman, she has so many similarities, it felt unreal..
the last week i started to get more and more depressed due to my pain on my whole body du to fibromyalgia.. i no longer the one i was, i feel so sorry for her, shes the perfect one but my problems make me depressed so much that i cant spend a whole hour with her without getting aggressive and apathetic.. life feels like a damn cruel joke to me.. i dont want people to care anymore i just want this to end, ive spend so much time to improve and fix my life but i cant.. im so empty inside, and now i cant breakup, shes the perfect one if i would do it she would commit suicide, i cant show how much i appreciate her, how glad i am to have her, i cant give the feeling of being loved and needed anymore, ive become so disassociated to my feelings due to all this pain and suffering and it made me fear death even more.. in what a cruel thing we got into, i never wanted to be into this shitty abusive world, living in this crappy, damaged body:( sorry for all that rant, i felt like writing it all down im pretty sure i will regret it the next hours or days but i dont care anymore im just so sick of it all.....
im so pissed, im waiting now for nearly 7 years im giving my best, im suffering at my work place for so long now, i have been trough so much sh*t now, it hurts so damn much!!
i feel like im waiting my whole life for the one day where i can finally enjoy my life, where im able to look into the face of my parents and say im glad that im here, im thankful for all you have been doing, without faking a stupid happy face and hiding my tears all the time.. ive been waiting for so long, while others are just being di*cks, making others feel miserable to make themselves feel better and enjoying life, driving a big car and all this nonsense... its so damn unfair, ive been trying so hard to treat others good, eating healthy, doin sports and being mindful of what im doing,.. i cant even kill spiders, mosquitoes without feeling instant bad about it.. ive become so apathetic over the last few months, i wish i had more control over my life but im so damn tired, panic attacks daily, insomnia, nightmare, social anxiety, fibromyalgia, dp + dr, highly sensitive, ocd, mental and cognitive issues and all this stuff are making my life a perfect hell.. i have no energy, my body aches each morning and the days i thought humans do care are over.. one month ago i entered a relationship with my perfect woman, she has so many similarities, it felt unreal..
the last week i started to get more and more depressed due to my pain on my whole body du to fibromyalgia.. i no longer the one i was, i feel so sorry for her, shes the perfect one but my problems make me depressed so much that i cant spend a whole hour with her without getting aggressive and apathetic.. life feels like a damn cruel joke to me.. i dont want people to care anymore i just want this to end, ive spend so much time to improve and fix my life but i cant.. im so empty inside, and now i cant breakup, shes the perfect one if i would do it she would commit suicide, i cant show how much i appreciate her, how glad i am to have her, i cant give the feeling of being loved and needed anymore, ive become so disassociated to my feelings due to all this pain and suffering and it made me fear death even more.. in what a cruel thing we got into, i never wanted to be into this shitty abusive world, living in this crappy, damaged body:( sorry for all that rant, i felt like writing it all down im pretty sure i will regret it the next hours or days but i dont care anymore im just so sick of it all.....
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