Venting I'm so fucking sensitive

[Scribble Fan]

My dream, when younger, was to be a composer or artist of some sort. Problem is I take everything so... hard and personally. I've always envied people who can just ignore things, like it doesn't even matter. Water on a raincoat. How.. do they manage that? I get very upset when attacked, not good for taking critique. It doesn't help that I feel utterly bare and vulnerable in a depressive / suicidal state. The thought of conflict just gives me intense anxiety these days.

It doesn't make it any better that the man stereotype is supposed to be extremely... emotionless, by the looks of it? Stoic. I know both genders have their problems but society annoys me with all their weird expectations. Everyone's supposed to be perfect robots as opposed to, you know, actual human beings. How most public figures get by is a wonder to me, I can empathize more with the ones who have a visible meltdown.

I don't know, being a HSP has it's ups and downs but, wow. It almost feels like a disorder sometimes. I'm trying to work on a mentality that doesn't care at all about what people think or expect but, like everything worth having in life, it's not easy to attain. Any advice would be more than welcome on how to let go. I'm tired of my emotional state feeling so helpless and at the mercy of other people's bad whims.

 

[AutumnEmbers]

Unfortunately, I can't offer you any advice because I'm exactly the same way, but hopefully you can take some comfort in knowing that you're not alone. The only difference is I'm a woman (though woman-child would be a more accurate term lol). I completely agree with you though, that society's expectations for men to be completely stoic and resilient to everything is unfair. I do think that men and women are different, but not nearly as much as society would like us to believe.

I'm an HSP with extremely low self-esteem (among other things), which leaves me utterly unable to cope with life. I have no idea how other people do it (especially people in the public eye, like you said). I'm hypersensitive to criticism, easily affected by other people's emotions, and can't handle any sort of conflict. If someone upsets me, it leaves me feeling depressed and anxious for days and, to some extent, stays with me forever. It's definitely a disorder in my case, since it gets in the way of living and affects my mental health so severely. I hope you can find a way to deal with it better than I do. Sorry I can't be of any help. :(

 

[Scribble Fan]

Unfortunately, I can't offer you any advice because I'm exactly the same way, but hopefully you can take some comfort in knowing that you're not alone. The only difference is I'm a woman (though woman-child would be a more accurate term lol). I completely agree with you though, that society's expectations for men to be completely stoic and resilient to everything is unfair. I do think that men and women are different, but not nearly as much as society would like us to believe.

I'm an HSP with extremely low self-esteem (among other things), which leaves me utterly unable to cope with life. I have no idea how other people do it (especially people in the public eye, like you said). I'm hypersensitive to criticism, easily affected by other people's emotions, and can't handle any sort of conflict. If someone upsets me, it leaves me feeling depressed and anxious for days and, to some extent, stays with me forever. It's definitely a disorder in my case, since it gets in the way of living and affects my mental health so severely. I hope you can find a way to deal with it better than I do. Sorry I can't be of any help. :(

Thank you for sharing! I am sorry you feel so similar, and I deeply appreciate hearing and understanding from people going through the same. That does help

 

[onamy]

I used to compose, a little bit, nothing big. I also discuss things online a lot. I like to think I'm good at taking critique, but maybe I'm not.

What I've kind of found out in therapy is that I might actually be very bad at taking true critique, instead, I'm very good at protecting myself from critique by avoiding things. I make sure to do everything so thoroughly and perfectly that there's nothing to criticize, and I only do things I'm good at. I've become really good at logically arguing on the internet, but when it rarely turns out I'm wrong, it hurts. The music I've posted online, out of the few comments, any negative ones stick to my mind way too strongly.

It might be that the "trick" to being good at everything that I'm not actually that good, but I pick very carefully what I actually do, leading to situation where I barely ever do anything.

Out of my background I might have quite a bit common with you. Related to this topic: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...inful-to-get-anything-done.17943/#post-343008

I also did very well in school, though the last time I performed well was when I got in a burnout because sacrificing my free time to stay at the perfection. Nowadays I'm very unmotivated for anything. It feels like nothing interests me anymore, but according to my therapy, it might be that I'm just avoiding stuff because I feel like I can't do anything good enough, nothing fits me good enough. That's just theory, with some glimpses of stuff that sometimes supports it, but most of the time I just feel unmotivated and uninterested. I'd like to make good music and video games, but it's just too hard to make it perfectly enough, so I've pretty much given up. Thus actually I'm not unmotivated, but the requirement of perfection is preventing me from doing anything.

Like, I could potentially just go and do something without the intent of accomplishing anything, but I just can't. If I do something, I want to do it properly and in the best way possible. But doing that is hard, so I do nothing. This goes to absurd lengths, like not watching shows I'm interested in, because I feel like it has to be in the right set and setting, like good time of day, good snacks, I have to be in the right mood etc. or else I think it will ruin the experience. Thus I rarely feel motivated to watch anything. Like, how hard can it be to sit there and watch a show? Apparently very hard. It feels like I'm not interested, the show wouldn't be worth it, but actually I'm just putting way too high requirements for how to engage in doing it, while being actually interested.

Even now, I'm kind of posting to two threads at the same time, I'm pretty much considering whether to post it at all because it's half off topic. asdfghjk

 

[Scribble Fan]

I used to compose, a little bit, nothing big. I also discuss things online a lot. I like to think I'm good at taking critique, but maybe I'm not.

What I've kind of found out in therapy is that I might actually be very bad at taking true critique, instead, I'm very good at protecting myself from critique by avoiding things. I make sure to do everything so thoroughly and perfectly that there's nothing to criticize, and I only do things I'm good at. I've become really good at logically arguing on the internet, but when it rarely turns out I'm wrong, it hurts. The music I've posted online, out of the few comments, any negative ones stick to my mind way too strongly.

It might be that the "trick" to being good at everything that I'm not actually that good, but I pick very carefully what I actually do, leading to situation where I barely ever do anything.

Out of my background I might have quite a bit common with you. Related to this topic: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...inful-to-get-anything-done.17943/#post-343008

I also did very well in school, though the last time I performed well was when I got in a burnout because sacrificing my free time to stay at the perfection. Nowadays I'm very unmotivated for anything. It feels like nothing interests me anymore, but according to my therapy, it might be that I'm just avoiding stuff because I feel like I can't do anything good enough, nothing fits me good enough. That's just theory, with some glimpses of stuff that sometimes supports it, but most of the time I just feel unmotivated and uninterested. I'd like to make good music and video games, but it's just too hard to make it perfectly enough, so I've pretty much given up. Thus actually I'm not unmotivated, but the requirement of perfection is preventing me from doing anything.

Like, I could potentially just go and do something without the intent of accomplishing anything, but I just can't. If I do something, I want to do it properly and in the best way possible. But doing that is hard, so I do nothing. This goes to absurd lengths, like not watching shows I'm interested in, because I feel like it has to be in the right set and setting, like good time of day, good snacks, I have to be in the right mood etc. or else I think it will ruin the experience. Thus I rarely feel motivated to watch anything. Like, how hard can it be to sit there and watch a show? Apparently very hard. It feels like I'm not interested, the show wouldn't be worth it, but actually I'm just putting way too high requirements for how to engage in doing it, while being actually interested.

Even now, I'm kind of posting to two threads at the same time, I'm pretty much considering whether to post it at all because it's half off topic. asdfghjk

Wow, I can relate to a lot of what you said. I thought I was crazy for not being able to watch a simple movie because every last thing has to line up and feel right, otherwise I feel deeply agitated. Didn't know that was caused be being a perfectionist, but that makes complete sense now.

That's also where the copious amounts of stress come from when doing literally anything. I think everything would be easier if I could just let go of perfection and free myself. Easier said than done, I've been this way my whole life, but it may be the only solution.

The problem is, like you, it's a defense mechanism. It makes me secure in knowing that I'll be alright as long as whatever I'm doing is flawless... which causes nothing to get done

Thanks for replying! I've actually learned so much about myself, much appreciated friend!

 

[inconsequential]

I am similar to you, but as I am a female, humans expect me to be hysterical to some extent. I try to remain stoic, but I have my nightly breakdown, and occasionally cry in public. Which of course, renders me totally embarrassed & afraid to go back to that place.

Things upset me way more than they should. This includes both obviously upsetting things like unkind words & violence, but also things like losing the joint I just had, misplacing an inhaler, my potato not being cooked right. They make me want to CTB with an absurd sense of urgency. Luckily, most of the time I can recognize that & not make any stupid "attempts".

 

[Scribble Fan]

I am similar to you, but as I am a female, humans expect me to be hysterical to some extent. I try to remain stoic, but I have my nightly breakdown, and occasionally cry in public. Which of course, renders me totally embarrassed & afraid to go back to that place.

Things upset me way more than they should. This includes both obviously upsetting things like unkind words & violence, but also things like losing the joint I just had, misplacing an inhaler, my potato not being cooked right. They make me want to CTB with an absurd sense of urgency. Luckily, most of the time I can recognize that & not make any stupid "attempts".

Yep, I hear ya. I react way over the top to small things too, feels like intense pressure is building up in my skull and any little dilemma becomes CTB worthy. Makes me grateful I have a solid anchor keeping me down here or I would've killed myself over a missing cheese grater by now.

 

[Donewith_]

I was unable to take criticism.. any small unwanted happening would end me up in tears. and me feeling embarassed coz i can't stop myself crying .. and i know that people are watching me . some used to wonder why i break down to small things.. they can't know until they face it. Thats all i can say.
well, what helps me is.. i write things down ..like i maintain a journal of things that bother me or just when i feel like to let things out.
it helps me to some extent.. to keep my emotions in control. I have this habit from childhood.

 

[Scribble Fan]

I was unable to take criticism.. any small unwanted happening would end me up in tears. and me feeling embarassed coz i can't stop myself crying .. and i know that people are watching me . some used to wonder why i break down to small things.. they can't know until they face it. Thats all i can say.
well, what helps me is.. i write things down ..like i maintain a journal of things that bother me or just when i feel like to let things out.
it helps me to some extent.. to keep my emotions in control. I have this habit from childhood.

I wonder why the smallest things feel like being hit by a freight train too. I know it's not harming anybody being this sensitive (well, except myself) but it still brings me shame.

And writing things down is a good idea! Maybe it will help me understand my emotions so I can regulate them easier.

 

[been_there]

Hadn't heard of HSP before. Difficult times in which we live, when psychology has to keep creating labels, and everyone has a book and website to sell. While there is 'good' perfectionism (giving a shit) it can also can add to depression, so there's that old saying : don't sweat the small stuff. And if you can't do that, then take a pill that makes you not care.

Everyone's supposed to be perfect robots as opposed to, you know, actual human beings.

This is, sort of, the bigger issue. Everyone has to fit into society's boxes, when society is fucked in the collective head waaay beyond anyone here. Even mental health professionals, who should know better, struggle if you don't fit into whatever box their manual dictates. Then you're difficult, or treatment-resistant. Its all a bit victim-blaming.

Society is set up to pit people against each other, isolate and eradicate the weak. Bullying is human nature. The glee in identity politics isn't from being in a tribe, its from fighting some other perceived tribe. Such bullshit. Anyone non-violent, or abused for long enough to become avoidant; that isn't being highly sensitive, or conflict adverse. That's just sanity and self protection.

 

[Orin]

Anyone non-violent, or abused for long enough to become avoidant; that isn't being highly sensitive, or conflict adverse. That's just sanity and self protection.

This is such a great insight.

 

[Scribble Fan]

Hadn't heard of HSP before. Difficult times in which we live, when psychology has to keep creating labels, and everyone has a book and website to sell. While there is 'good' perfectionism (giving a shit) it can also can add to depression, so there's that old saying : don't sweat the small stuff. And if you can't do that, then take a pill that makes you not care.

Everyone's supposed to be perfect robots as opposed to, you know, actual human beings.

This is, sort of, the bigger issue. Everyone has to fit into society's boxes, when society is fucked in the collective head waaay beyond anyone here. Even mental health professionals, who should know better, struggle if you don't fit into whatever box their manual dictates. Then you're difficult, or treatment-resistant. Its all a bit victim-blaming.

Society is set up to pit people against each other, isolate and eradicate the weak. Bullying is human nature. The glee in identity politics isn't from being in a tribe, its from fighting some other perceived tribe. Such bullshit. Anyone non-violent, or abused for long enough to become avoidant; that isn't being highly sensitive, or conflict adverse. That's just sanity and self protection.

Your post was a breath of fresh air. I've always thought society is poison, that there's something disturbing under the rug that nobody wants to look at, but you put it into words much better than me. I also loved that good bit Orin pointed out.

Thank you for sharing!

 

[Severen]

I'm the exact opposite of you, OP. And I always end up pissing people off by accident. I've become as cold as ice. But when I was kid, I was very sensitive. When I was in 4th grade, someone made fun of me once and I cried. I don't really know how I changed since then. But with each passing year, I just became less sensitive. I think people who are HSPs have brains that are just wired different so there is nothing you can do. Just tell people you are an HSP. And hopefully, they wont be too stupid to expect you to be a stoic person. Tell them to google it. EDIT: Once in awhile, I start raging at people though but then after like 30 minutes, I'm totally calm and don't care anymore about what pissed me off before. Just bursts of rage, here and there.

 

[Scribble Fan]

I'm the exact opposite of you, OP. And I always end up pissing people off by accident. I've become as cold as ice. But when I was kid, I was very sensitive. When I was in 4th grade, someone made fun of me once and I cried. I don't really know how I changed since then. I think people are HSPs have brains that are just wired different so there is nothing you can do. Just tell people you are an HSP. And hopefully, they wont be too stupid to expect you to be a stoic person. Tell them to google it. EDIT: Once in awhile, I start raging at people though but then after like 30 minutes, I'm totally calm and don't care anymore about what pissed me off before. Just bursts of rage, here and there.

Well, it's a relief to hear HSP brains are just inherently wired different. Maybe I can stop wasting time trying to change myself now, communication sounds like a much better idea.

 

[Severen]

Well, it's a relief to hear HSP brains are just inherently wired different. Maybe I can stop wasting time trying to change myself now, communication sounds like a much better idea.

I don't understand what you are saying. But before I joined this community. I've never heard of "HSP." And if people who are different don't see that it is actually, the result of the brain being different, then they will jump to all kinds of false conclusions. Sometimes, you have to educate people in your social circle so then they don't have unrealistic expectations, like expecting a cat to bark or a dog to fly. It will make your life easier. Prevent people from giving you shit for being a HSP. And prevent them from hating you.

 

[Scribble Fan]

I don't understand what you are saying. But before I joined of this community. I've never heard of "HSP." And if people who are different don't see that it is actually, the result of the brain being different, then they will jump to all kinds of false conclusions. Sometimes, you have to educate people in your social circle so then they don't have unrealistic expectations, like expecting a cat to bark or a dog to fly.

I must have worded that badly.

I'm just saying I've spent far too much time trying to kill my sensitivity, trying to pretend to be "stoic" when in reality I'm not. If being a HSP is the result of my brain being different then that's a huge relief on my end. Instead of having to change everything about myself I can just accept my personality now and move on.

I also agreed with having to educate people, that's what I meant by communication being a better path. I'm sick of people's false conclusions. Telling my circle how I am instead of pretending to be something I'm not looks like a much better life to me.

 

[Imgonnadie]

same bro. guy at my work talked shit to me every day for months making me quit.
stubbing my toe makes me want to kill myself.

I constantly want to just scream

 

[Severen]

I must have worded that badly.

I'm just saying I've spent far too much time trying to kill my sensitivity, trying to pretend to be "stoic" when in reality I'm not. If being a HSP is the result of my brain being different then that's a huge relief on my end. Instead of having to change everything about myself I can just accept my personality now and move on.

I also agreed with having to educate people, that's what I meant by communication being a better path. I'm sick of people's false conclusions. Telling my circle how I am instead of pretending to be something I'm not looks like a much better life to me.

Yeah, when it comes to anyone who is different from the rest, they have no idea until it is brought into light. And society does a very poor job of doing this. So much ignorance. You have PTSD? Then go find a cure... Someone with PTSD does something violent. Then he is seen as a psychopath who should go to prison. You have depression? You must be low on vitamin D or you must not be getting enough exercise or you must be an attention whore. So much ignorance in this world. People who are different from the rest will have to educate everyone around them or constantly deal with hostility and/or ignorant advice etc... I didn't know anything about PTSD and depression etc until these things affected me. Because it's just not brought to light enough. And if you show them info about HSP, then it would be absurd for them to just reject it unless they wear tin foil hats. There was a time when society viewed war veterans with PTSD as nothing more than drama queens... So these men, just became alcoholics and saw themselves as pieces of shit.

 

[been_there]

And prevent them from hating you. @severin why would they hate the op?

Telling my circle how I am instead of pretending to be something I'm not looks like a much better life to me.

Accept it yourself by all means, but you don't have to inform others. My experience of sharing MH issues is that few care. Most just drop you, others can't process it, and some scumbags use it to insult or torment you for their own inadequacies.

 

[WinterIsComing]

I don't like HSP or whatever name people give. I cry or get scared so easy

 

[Severen]

And prevent them from hating you. @severin why would they hate the op?

Telling my circle how I am instead of pretending to be something I'm not looks like a much better life to me.

Accept it yourself by all means, but you don't have to inform others. My experience of sharing MH issues is that few care. Most just drop you, others can't process it, and some scumbags use it to insult or torment you for their own inadequacies.

Well if someone is ignorant when it comes to people like the OP and then they communicate with him or her in a way that they are accustomed to when it comes to most people, they don't expect an extremely hostile emotional reaction. And if they get one, they will jump to a false conclusion that these people are just spoiled brats, snowflakes, immature, need medication or are just horrible people etc... Because from their point of view, they didn't do anything wrong and received a hostile emotional reaction. It would be like them trying to pet a dog and the dog bites their hand, from their point of view. But if they are educated about people like the OP, they wont jump to such conclusions and just accept such emotional reactions as some people, being different.

 

[Scribble Fan]

And prevent them from hating you. @severin why would they hate the op?

Telling my circle how I am instead of pretending to be something I'm not looks like a much better life to me.

Accept it yourself by all means, but you don't have to inform others. My experience of sharing MH issues is that few care. Most just drop you, others can't process it, and some scumbags use it to insult or torment you for their own inadequacies.

I may not inform everybody I know. I understand many people can't properly digest mental health issues and there's no way I'd want to make myself vulnerable to antagonism, but a choice few people I trust should get it. Just to make everything easier.

 

[been_there]

And if they get one, they will jump to a false conclusion that these people are just spoiled brats, snowflakes, immature, need medication or are just horrible people etc...Because from their point of view, they didn't do anything wrong and received a hostile emotional reaction.

Much like pro-lifers then. Who just thoughtlessly spill platitudes based on their own limited experience. If they hate the OP for that, its their problem.

 

[Severen]

And if they get one, they will jump to a false conclusion that these people are just spoiled brats, snowflakes, immature, need medication or are just horrible people etc...Because from their point of view, they didn't do anything wrong and received a hostile emotional reaction.

Much like pro-lifers then. Who just thoughtlessly spill platitudes based on their own limited experience. If they hate the OP for that, its their problem.

Pro lifers are religious freaks who refuse to surrender their delusions. All their beliefs when it comes to life and death all come from a religion, they refuse to turn their back on... So no. Some people are just ignorant about certain things. Because they have literally never heard of certain things. And if they don't think something exists, how can they do any research? And I would say, people like the OP having to deal with backlash and being hated would make their lives a lot worse. EDIT: And on the bright side, the existence of HSPs does not clash with any popular religion on this planet but clashes instead with the religion of stoicism and the "stiff upper lip." So most people wont just be like, "HSPs do not exist." and "They just need help." Most people wont treat such people the same way depressed people are treated and suicidal people are treated if they are told to google "HSP." I just googled "HSP" and found this.

The Highly Sensitive Person

The Highly Sensitive Person: Books, Information, Self-tests, Events and Research

hsperson.com

I would have to be some kind of religious freak to instantly reject what is written there or just a really horrible person.

Accept it yourself by all means, but you don't have to inform others. My experience of sharing MH issues is that few care. Most just drop you, others can't process it, and some scumbags use it to insult or torment you for their own inadequacies.

Then the people who drop you are doing you a favor. And when it comes to the other people, then you know, who to cut out of your life.
I should also mention that the religion of "tough love." makes people torture HSPs...

 

[WinterIsComing]

Not all pro Life are religious...is that they are the loudest or the mayority. I have a friend who his dad was a police and he hates the idea of suicide like he has to keep trying.
I know other one raised by her single mother psychologist of gestalt, pro gay, anti marriage and have that belief of superiority of the strongest....

 

[GinaIsReady]

I'm the exact opposite of you, OP. And I always end up pissing people off by accident. I've become as cold as ice. But when I was kid, I was very sensitive. When I was in 4th grade, someone made fun of me once and I cried. I don't really know how I changed since then. But with each passing year, I just became less sensitive. I think people who are HSPs have brains that are just wired different so there is nothing you can do. Just tell people you are an HSP. And hopefully, they wont be too stupid to expect you to be a stoic person. Tell them to google it. EDIT: Once in awhile, I start raging at people though but then after like 30 minutes, I'm totally calm and don't care anymore about what pissed me off before. Just bursts of rage, here and there.

Yeah - I think it's been some days since you went off on a rant!

 

[been_there]

Why should anyone have to tell their circle how to treat them with compassion? For all its faults, the internet does at least place understanding at everyone's reach. Idiocy is no excuse. If people are nasty claiming they were unable to understand, that is through not wanting to understand, not because their victim didn't explain to them that they should.

Everyone makes excuses to themselves for their own spite, superiority and stupidity. People are full of shit.

 

[Orin]

My dad used to accuse me of being "too sensitive."

But whenever i bust his balls, he gets pissed..... what a fucking hypocrite.

 

[GinaIsReady]

And prevent them from hating you. @severin why would they hate the op?

Telling my circle how I am instead of pretending to be something I'm not looks like a much better life to me.

Accept it yourself by all means, but you don't have to inform others. My experience of sharing MH issues is that few care. Most just drop you, others can't process it, and some scumbags use it to insult or torment you for their own inadequacies.

HSP isn't a mental health issue. it's not a diagnosis. it's a trait (something you are born with, can't be changed).

 

[been_there]

I get them mixed up. You'll have to explain how MH issues can be changed.