Venting i'm so fucking scared

[kinzokukae]

i have two exit plans. one, the far less complicated one, is to successfully CTB before august ends. i wish it was that easy though. i've tried partial time and time again, only for it to never work. i don't think i've even ever passed out from it. and since all my prior attempts have failed, i get discouraged from trying again whenever i have the opportunity since i know it's not going to work anyway.

then there's my other plan - which is far more complicated, gets other people involved and is probably less likely to succeed, no matter how much research i do ahead of time. basically, i'd leave my home and stay with a friend that lives pretty far away, and eventually cross to belgium, hopefully make a friend before i go there and stay with them while i apply for euthanasia.

it's so fucking terrifying - why the fuck is it so hard to die? why does the body struggle so much? why must SI exist to keep our bodies alive despite how much our head hurts. it's ridiculous. what's worse is that if i don't CTB by august, i'll probably be too scared to go through with my next plan for fear of it failing, and my mother finding out. i don't want to have responsibilities. i can't deal with them. why can't i just fucking leave this world so i don't have to do any fucking thing.

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

Because we aperantly have superbodies that refuse to die no matter what. Choke it, feed it poison, drink shit, cut, infect, drug, drown or jump. Most of the time it will all fail because "God has purpose for us".

Then someone who wants to live slips and dies on spot. What are the odds. Life sure can suck.

 

[idontwannadothisanym]

hope you're okay

 

[I screwed up]

U bet its so fuckng sad that people who are struggling to live peacefully cannot even die peacefully. Although physically I m perfectly fine but I know my life will never improve and its just downhill for me from here. I have dug myself a hole I cannot come out of nor can I end it all.

 

[Meditation guide]

cross to belgium, hopefully make a friend before i go there and stay with them while i apply for euthanasia.

Don't you have to be an actual citizen of Belgium? I don't think they let others do that there. Unfortunately.

 

[kinzokukae]

Don't you have to be an actual citizen of Belgium? I don't think they let others do that there. Unfortunately.

yeah i think so, which is why i was hoping to find someone willing to let me move in with them /: it's a reach but honestly it might end up being the last resort if SI doesn't fuck off

 

[rhiino]

yeah i think so, which is why i was hoping to find someone willing to let me move in with them /: it's a reach but honestly it might end up being the last resort if SI doesn't fuck off

They would let you abort the euthanasia, though. SI can even there mess it up for you.

 

[HeavensOpenDoor]

...hopefully make a friend before i go there and stay with them while i apply for euthanasia.

You're gonna ctb at a random strangers house? Not to kick against you my friend but u sound rather young, not that age has anything to do with the struggles of life but think of all your options first. Oftentimes we are scared of a perceived obstacle in our life and we naturally try to seek an out when if we face our obstacle head on we find out that what we initially were fearful of was not so bad afterall. I think your fear has to deal with the unknown. Fear of possible pain maybe? The reason why I say this is because if the fear was not there you will find a super effective way of doing it successfully. I don't know you obviously but something is telling me that you should try to find someone to talk to instead maybe? Please keep us posted my friend ok!

 

[Deleted member 19654]

yeah i think so, which is why i was hoping to find someone willing to let me move in with them /: it's a reach but honestly it might end up being the last resort if SI doesn't fuck off

I'm afraid you have to live in Belgium for at least 5 years before you're eligible to be a citizen and there are definitely other steps too.

 

[Meditation guide]

Being a citizen of Belgium means you were born there, not that you are living there. You would have to prove you are a citizen of that country to be able to get to euthanize yourself with the help of a doctor.
It would be wonderful if all you had to do was go to Belgium to get help with your self deliverance but unfortunately you need to be a citizen, meaning you were born there.



Please let people vent or express themselves how they need to without telling them what they should or shouldn't do.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I don't know that much about euthanasia but I'm sure it's only available to those in unbearable pain whether it's psychological or physical due to a medical condition etc. I think you'd have to have severe depression for years, tried all medication/therapies etc and if nothing works you can apply and they'll go through the process of considering your application

 

[Meditation guide]

I don't know that much about euthanasia but I'm sure it's only available to those in unbearable pain whether it's psychological or physical due to a medical condition etc. I think you'd have to have severe depression for years, tried all medication/therapies etc and if nothing works you can apply and they'll go through the process of considering your application

In Belgium it is my understanding you do not need to have any particular reason medical or otherwise. Just a desire to die.


I've had beloved pets euthanized when they were hopelessly sick and suffering for days and weeks without a chance of getting better. That is one way our pets are so much better off than we are.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

Surely it would have to be at least case of severe/chronic depression, no? Because doctors have to approve it and wouldn't there need to be a psych evaluation too. I don't think just a desire to die would be enough to convince doctors to help you, there needs to be a good reason

 

[Deleted member 14386]

In Belgium it is my understanding you do not need to have any particular reason medical or otherwise. Just a desire to die.


I've had beloved pets euthanized when they were hopelessly sick and suffering for days and weeks without a chance of getting better. That is one way our pets are so much better off than we are.

Damn if that's the case I'm booking a flight lol! It's that simple? Genuinely curious. I can stay at a belgium persons house and apply for euthanasia for no other reason than wanting to ctb? That's wild
edit: I missed the 'being a citizen' part, no worries

 

[rhiino]

No, it is not that easy. Those are the requirements:

the medical situation does not allow for a positive outlook and causes constant and unbearable physical or psychological suffering which cannot be alleviated and is caused by a life‐threatening and incurable accidental or pathological illness.

(https://www.ieb-eib.org/ancien-site/pdf/20121208-dossier-euthanasia-in-belgium-10-years.pdf)

It even says depression is explicitly excluded in the law. Great.

 

[Meditation guide]

No, it is not that easy. Those are the requirements:


(https://www.ieb-eib.org/ancien-site/pdf/20121208-dossier-euthanasia-in-belgium-10-years.pdf)

It even says depression is explicitly excluded in the law. Great.

I would qualify from about 6 different diseases.

 

[kinzokukae]

I'm afraid you have to live in Belgium for at least 5 years before you're eligible to be a citizen and there are definitely other steps too.

shame (,:

You're gonna ctb at a random strangers house? Not to kick against you my friend but u sound rather young, not that age has anything to do with the struggles of life but think of all your options first. Oftentimes we are scared of a perceived obstacle in our life and we naturally try to seek an out when if we face our obstacle head on we find out that what we initially were fearful of was not so bad afterall. I think your fear has to deal with the unknown. Fear of possible pain maybe? The reason why I say this is because if the fear was not there you will find a super effective way of doing it successfully. I don't know you obviously but something is telling me that you should try to find someone to talk to instead maybe? Please keep us posted my friend ok!

i appreciate the sentiment but i already have considered my other options, and while there are plenty available, that doesn't make them favourable in the slightest

 

[Bauhaus]

(https://www.ieb-eib.org/ancien-site/pdf/20121208-dossier-euthanasia-in-belgium-10-years.pdf)

Thanks for this. I'm from Belgium and the chance is indeed pretty slim if you don't suffer from a terminal illness.

Foreigners can apply for euthansia in Switzerland, but I don't know if it's only for terminal diseases.

 

[Philosykos]

I don't think there's a single country with legal euthanasia where one would be eligible for it 'only' for wanting to die because of depression. In terms of psychological illnesses, one needs to be incurably ill, suffering in the extreme and have tried a multitude of other treatments first - like therapy and medications and get the official 'stamp of approval' for being incurable. And even then one would need to find a doctor willing to do it because they aren't required by law to practise euthanasia for anyone. I might be wrong about some of these things or have only minimal, shallow knowledge about them; I knew I wouldn't be eligible so didn't do any further research.

At any rate, I'm very sorry your situation is so very dire that you are this desperate to end it, kinzo. The few times I've run into you on the forums, you always seemed so lovely and relatable to me. I remember you reacting to a post of mine where I said that I like the 'idea of summer' and your reaction to it was so spot on. I won't try to talk you out of your decision, that's not my place nor anyone else's. Have you considered any of the other means to ctb that are frequently talked about on this forum?

 

[kinzokukae]

At any rate, I'm very sorry your situation is so very dire that you are this desperate to end it, kinzo. The few times I've run into you on the forums, you always seemed so lovely and relatable to me. I remember you reacting to a post of mine where I said that I like the 'idea of summer' and your reaction to it was so spot on. I won't try to talk you out of your decision, that's not my place nor anyone else's. Have you considered any of the other means to ctb that are frequently talked about on this forum?

i have, and i've considered most of them, though many wouldn't be applicable for me since i wouldn't be able to use any method with medication bc of my emetophobia /: i still need to research some more but i think for now partial might be the most effective thing, considering i can try whenever i'm alone (:

i'm surprised you remembered me from a reply (,: that's actually really nice to see, thank you (((^:

 

[Philosykos]

i have, and i've considered most of them, though many wouldn't be applicable for me since i wouldn't be able to use any method with medication bc of my emetophobia /: i still need to research some more but i think for now partial might be the most effective thing, considering i can try whenever i'm alone (:

i'm surprised you remembered me from a reply (,: that's actually really nice to see, thank you (((^:

Of course I remembered you. Your comment actually made me look up and get into 'slice of life-anime'.

And that's a shame about the emetophobia. While I mostly hope your life will turn around yet, if it does not and you are truly determined, I hope you find a peaceful way to go. The exit bag is not an option I guess?

 

[kinzokukae]

Of course I remembered you. Your comment actually made me look up and get into 'slice of life-anime'.

And that's a shame about the emetophobia. While I mostly hope your life will turn around yet, if it does not and you are truly determined, I hope you find a peaceful way to go. The exit bag is not an option I guess?

glad to hear that (: and no probably not, i wouldn't be able to order what i need discretely enough /:

 

[Mooshi]

i don't want to have responsibilities. i can't deal with them. why can't i just fucking leave this world so i don't have to do any fucking thing

I feel the exact same way...

 

[Pan]

I have travelled to many parts of the world, enough, I guess, to say that there is no place to run.