I'm so fucking scared to do it.

[100percentbeer]

I was just nearly homeless and had to move home. I have none of my friends after a schizophrenia diagnosis in my midtwenties. I'm approaching 30 and feeling alone. My brain is constantly screaming at me to kill myself despite being very medicated.

I'm depressed. I'm so depressed. I feel like the only way people will care about me is if I die. And then I won't even be here to see it.

I don't know what to do. I'm heartbroken. But I'm so scared to go through with it... It still feels like murder, and I don't know what's on the other side.

All I know is therapy and all that crap has done nothing for me. I'm sad and alone and basically mentally disabled by the schizophrenia thing.

I want to try tonight but I don't know how to overcome my fear.

 

[itsgone2]

I want to try tonight but I don't know how to overcome my fear.

I'm in the exact same situation. I wish life was different for us.

 

[honorando]

maybe its not time to go yet, its okey to be scared

 

[jatty]

same. I feel so horrible because I probably wont die. My anxiety is just so bad all the time. And now i feel like im suffering forever like im in hell. Stupid fucking si.

 

[itsgone2]

same. I feel so horrible because I probably wont die. My anxiety is just so bad all the time. And now i feel like im suffering forever like im in hell. Stupid fucking si.

I'm afraid of this, not dying. Just continuing to suffer. Yes, like I'm already in hell. I don't want this anymore. I just want something to end.

 

[58Alice85]

overcoming fear?
what works for me is imagining all the people who screwed me over and this sensation when you have to physically fight
just push through it fear is just this disgusting feeling the body creates
i use this everytime i get afraid like when i have to go to the dentist

 

[jakerjays]

Hi, I understand feeling like nobody will care about you until you die, and then being disappointed that you won't be there to see it. I never used to understand 'they only care when you're dead' until the last two years.
I'm really sorry that you're struggling. Everybody on this site is here for you.