Venting I'm so fucking pissed at my family.

[watereyes]

Hey,

I know noone's gonna bother reading or answering this but whatever, I need to vent.
So I want to kill myself, I guess thats obvious given the fact that I'm here. But my family, my f$cking family. They keep FUCKING UP my attempts! None of my attempts have been successful because they kept interfering! My father took my SN in february. I never forgave him since then. My brother took my rope when I tried to hang myself and thought I was alone.

This is just so cruel. Why would you do that to a poor soul who just wants to not be? It's not like I'm asking anything crazy. I just dont want to be part of this world anymore. I never wanted to. I was brought to life for no fucking reason, and here I am suffering every day.

It just doesnt make sense.

I want to die. period. Why won't they let me? I'm confused.

 

[Apricity]

Hey,

I know noone's gonna bother reading or answering this but whatever, I need to vent.
So I want to kill myself, I guess thats obvious given the fact that I'm here. But my family, my f$cking family. They keep FUCKING UP my attempts! None of my attempts have been successful because they kept interfering! My father took my SN in february. I never forgave him since then. My brother took my rope when I tried to hang myself and thought I was alone.

This is just so cruel. Why would you do that to a poor soul who just wants to not be? It's not like I'm asking anything crazy. I just dont want to be part of this world anymore. I never wanted to. I was brought to life for no fucking reason, and here I am suffering every day.

It just doesnt make sense.

I want to die. period. Why won't they let me? I'm confused.

What's got you wanting to ctb? Why not have your stuff sent elsewhere like one of those office stores that let you get mail?

 

[watereyes]

What's got you wanting to ctb? Why not have your stuff sent elsewhere like one of those office stores that let you get mail?

There are none in my city.

 

[Apricity]

There are none in my city.

Is Poste Restante an option?

 

[Dear Agony]

I'm in the same situation rn, well almost. I'm sure if I went to a hotel and planned things before hand I could be successful, but my mom crying and begging me to comes to my head. I can't live with the guilt what this will do to her. So it's a form of interference ig. I just wish she would understand I have no reasons to live.

 

[Apricity]

I'm in the same situation rn, well almost. I'm sure if I went to a hotel and planned things before hand I could be successful, but my mom crying and begging me to comes to my head. I can't live with the guilt what this will do to her. So it's a form of interference ig. I just wish she would understand I have no reasons to live.

Family can be annoying. They want you to live for them, regardless of what pain you're in.

 

[watereyes]

Is Poste Restante an option?

already tried. fail.

 

[ConfusedAndWeird]

I know exactly how you feel. My family keeps screwing up my attempts too and then it gets even worse when they react with an entitled attitude like I owe my future to them. But to be fair, if they cared enough to listen to you when you said you didn't want to exist enough under any conditions, they probably wouldn't have conceived you in the first place. How I rationalized it was, they say they want you to stay alive because they "love you". However they ignore your continued and ongoing pain and suffering and anything else that would make you want to CTB and act like they are entitled to have you stay alive for them. Is this what a truly loving person would do? Force you to endure pain against your will? No. But the vast majority of people you meet would say that the reason is because they love you" anyways. Not to mention it seems like the reactions of family can be extremely irrational at times and are inexplicable unless you assume they are extremely emotionally attached to you. This is clearly a paradox.

I think the reason is that love doesn't truly exist. When your parents and your brother stop you from killing yourself because they "love you", it's not because they care deeply about how you feel, about making you happy, or taking away your suffering in any way, or supporting your personal decisions unconditionally. It's because, when they conceived you (if they conceived you intentionally that is), they had a certain "idea" of what kind of a child they wanted to have. They had a fantasy and they wanted to force you to fulfill it for them. They might have wanted you to fund their retirement, or to "become a productive citizen", or they might have wanted you to be their emotional outlet. No matter the reason, you can't do any of these things if you're dead. People only love the idea of the person they have in their head and not the person themselves. That's why they stop you from killing yourself, because they want to protect the happy productive citizen or the happy emotional outlet that only exists in their heads and who isn't a reality.

The truth is that most people don't care in the slightest how other people feel unless their feelings resonate with their own. You can probably see this a lot with other things beside suicide. Good luck trying to find someone who supports your decision not to get a paying job because you don't want to contribute to a corrupt economy. Good luck trying to find someone who doesn't try to convert you into their religion or their "pseudo-religion" if you don't already believe in it. But all of these people would say they try to force their views on you because they care about you. Which is extremely frustrating, I understand, because it's blatantly obvious from the consequences and the fact they won't listen to you at all, that they don't care about the real you at all, only the version of "you" that these people want you to be for them. And of course since their emotional attachment is genuine, nobody will really take your side if you call anybody out for this. Anybody who thinks like we do are all alone save for each other, I'm afraid.

 

[BeyondGoodNEvil]

Hey,

I know noone's gonna bother reading or answering this but whatever, I need to vent.
So I want to kill myself, I guess thats obvious given the fact that I'm here. But my family, my f$cking family. They keep FUCKING UP my attempts! None of my attempts have been successful because they kept interfering! My father took my SN in february. I never forgave him since then. My brother took my rope when I tried to hang myself and thought I was alone.

This is just so cruel. Why would you do that to a poor soul who just wants to not be? It's not like I'm asking anything crazy. I just dont want to be part of this world anymore. I never wanted to. I was brought to life for no fucking reason, and here I am suffering every day.

It just doesnt make sense.

I want to die. period. Why won't they let me? I'm confused.

look i might get hate for this but if one of my family members were suicidal i would to try to prevent them for doing it.not because i just want them to live for my sake but becasue i cant think why their would be a solid reason why they should do it.you have to understand what they think,no matter what you tell them how cruel,shit,lonely your life is no one will truly understand you.Its why majority of people want to prevent suicide not because their cruel but because most people had or will expereince a good life so obviously they wont relate to this forum they just think its strange that people want to die.

 

[FuneralCry]

I can relate. I have family members who would want to keep me alive at all costs. I am worried about failing a method because I am found by others too early. Many methods require significant time alone to succeed. I find that fact frustrating. I see the right to die as important as we did not ask to exist in the first place, so we have no obligations to stay alive. Other people cannot comprehend what suffering we are going through as they are not experiencing it themselves. I would never tell others that I want to ctb for this reason as they would constantly watch me.

 

[archipelago]

Family can be annoying. They want you to live for them, regardless of what pain you're in.

This is where I am rn. I delayed ctb twice in part because I felt guilty, only to have more shit thrown at me during those times. Just made me regret not going sooner. So, I hardly feel guilty anymore. I get to do something to help myself, finally.