Livingvsdying25
Enlightened
- Dec 8, 2019
- 1,188
I have been for like a long time... I think since like 10-11yrs old. (Will by 25yrs old soon)
I'm tired of life & living it. Im burnt out from trying so hard to make life easier or better or liveable.
Im just... burnt the fuck out. Its been a decade plus
it's not natural or ok or strength that I've been going for so long. I've wanted to disappear since I was 3 yrs old and die since I was 8 yrs old. I'm sick of this.
There's no such thing as a break in this life/being this poor and there sure as hell isn't one long enough for me to actually get some restoration in.
I'm so god damn sick of everything. Im not pretending anymore either. So if that means actually living in burn out and expressing it then so fucking be it. On Wednesday I went the whole day pretending. My self hate was eating me alive and just growing bigger and bigger but no one wants to hear about that. So I didn't bother mentioning it.
It took till like 2am to be able to rest in bed. Due to CPTSD shit. I didn't sleep at all either bc of emotional flashbacks. Im tired of it.
Im going to attempt soon or smthin. Or maybe just live as a fucking hikikomori (I can't think of a better word to describe this. Tho I obv won't be living at my parents home) ig shut in or recluse but I dunno. I've thought of this for yrs like 5 yrs plus but.... I just figure living like that... death is better... but im always feeling like death & dying is impossible anyway.
So I dunno as usual feeling trapped. It's 3am. I've been up for an hour. My throat no longer hurts but my freaking nose is stuffed. Like blowing em almost makes it worse wtf. I should be "well" by tmrw(Monday) tho.
Just... sighs towards everything. I refuse to remain trapped in this life.
gotta find a way out yadda yadda same old shit from me.
I'm tired of life & living it. Im burnt out from trying so hard to make life easier or better or liveable.
Im just... burnt the fuck out. Its been a decade plus
it's not natural or ok or strength that I've been going for so long. I've wanted to disappear since I was 3 yrs old and die since I was 8 yrs old. I'm sick of this. There's no such thing as a break in this life/being this poor and there sure as hell isn't one long enough for me to actually get some restoration in.
I'm so god damn sick of everything. Im not pretending anymore either. So if that means actually living in burn out and expressing it then so fucking be it. On Wednesday I went the whole day pretending. My self hate was eating me alive and just growing bigger and bigger but no one wants to hear about that. So I didn't bother mentioning it.
It took till like 2am to be able to rest in bed. Due to CPTSD shit. I didn't sleep at all either bc of emotional flashbacks. Im tired of it.
Im going to attempt soon or smthin. Or maybe just live as a fucking hikikomori (I can't think of a better word to describe this. Tho I obv won't be living at my parents home) ig shut in or recluse but I dunno. I've thought of this for yrs like 5 yrs plus but.... I just figure living like that... death is better... but im always feeling like death & dying is impossible anyway.
So I dunno as usual feeling trapped. It's 3am. I've been up for an hour. My throat no longer hurts but my freaking nose is stuffed. Like blowing em almost makes it worse wtf. I should be "well" by tmrw(Monday) tho.
Just... sighs towards everything. I refuse to remain trapped in this life.
gotta find a way out yadda yadda same old shit from me.
