I've been suffering from depression and anxiety since 2022. i've never talked to anyone about it and i've never been to a therapist. i'm really messed up. i hate everyone i know. why is everyone using me? at school everyone calls me a freak or an idiot and bullies me. when i talk to someone on the internet they always block me, when i'm in a relationship i never feel like i'm enough for it, i always ruin it too. I don't want to do anything, I don't want to shower, I don't want to go to school, I don't want to live anymore but I don't want to die either. sometimes when I'm really really sad I cut myself but this year I've been doing it a lot less but in 2022 literally every time someone touched me my wounds would start bleeding and I would feel so bad. school is bad yes but being at home is worse than being at school. When I come home my mom yells at me all the time and literally bullies me. She always says I'm so useless, I look like a pig, I'm depressed, I'm a slut or something like that. why doesn't anyone understand me? I want to kill myself but I am afraid of it. when I die I don't want to suffer or see blood but if I survive I am always in pain. I want to rot in my bed. I don't want to do anything. if I had a choice I wouldn't go to school or go out.
I want to shoot myself when everyone looks at me. they should see what they did to me. they never tried to understand me. my parents too. i hate it. if i had a gun i would shoot everyone before i die. they should die with me. it's their fault. they don't deserve to live. i should get my revenge. i just don't want to do anything. i just sleep in my bed 24/7. if i do that i will be much happier. I'm really messed up. why should I keep living in this world if there's another life or why should I keep living if there's no other life? why doesn't everyone think about suicide? it's so inconceivable, it can't be real. i feel like i'm living in a simulation. should i put an end to all this or should i just do nothing and keep living? sorry if i'm babbling too much, i just wanted to write.
I want to shoot myself when everyone looks at me. they should see what they did to me. they never tried to understand me. my parents too. i hate it. if i had a gun i would shoot everyone before i die. they should die with me. it's their fault. they don't deserve to live. i should get my revenge. i just don't want to do anything. i just sleep in my bed 24/7. if i do that i will be much happier. I'm really messed up. why should I keep living in this world if there's another life or why should I keep living if there's no other life? why doesn't everyone think about suicide? it's so inconceivable, it can't be real. i feel like i'm living in a simulation. should i put an end to all this or should i just do nothing and keep living? sorry if i'm babbling too much, i just wanted to write.
