Im scared

[ecolofienjoyer]

Im scared to ctb. Theres nothing i want more than to just go to sleep and not wake up. to not have to care. to forget. but what if i wake up with brain damage? what if i get caught? im scared. what if itll hurt? what if i back out? fuck i dont even have a proper method. im just... I cant do this anymore. my fav song lyric is "I dont wanna go; I dont wanna stay" I feel like that all day. Idk

 

[sweetdrowning]

I hear you. I feel the same way. I don't want the way I go to hurt but unfortunately it seems that isn't possible, you can only minimize it. The only thing I can say is if you do decide, you need to be sure and prepare yourself for it. It will make it easier if you feel prepared instead of impulsive. Sending love.

 

[ecolofienjoyer]

I guess i just wanna hear someone say its ok. you can leave. i wanna be held while i go. i know its not possible not to hurt without fent or heroin or smth. but... idk. i guess i just want to hear its ok. maybe i just like arguing. i think i argue with my friends about it(to the point they leave me) bc i wanna believe there is a reason to stay. any reason at all. and there never is one. there is no reason. never. idk

 

[Sphinxi]

It's completely normal to feel scared. Bear in mind that as life you have an inate drive to impact your environment. We want to do things, and in this sense suicide is completely antithetical to what you are. It goes against your most basic instincts. This might also explain why you feel that you want a reason to not commit suicide.
In my experience, the more you think about it, the more normalized it becomes in your mind, until you can't really think of other options. Some people also interpret their suicide as an artful or otherwise meaningful act, and this reduces their fear

 

[amor.dor]

The only way I found to feel calmer is by detaching from life and accepting death, especially when I realized what normal deaths are like. They aren't beautiful, they aren't clean. Few die sedated in a hospital; most die slowly from illness, some from violence. It's rare for a person to die peacefully—something that a well-planned suicide could be: a luxury. But even so, your instinct will want to flee from death, and that's normal. Yet understanding what life and existence truly are makes me feel calmer. But falling out of love with life takes time.