I'm scared

[NoOneLovesMiMi]

So no more limbo.
I was told yesterday if I didn't have my Paperwork work by Friday I would be terminated.
I knew I wouldn't so I just quietly left.
I was happy that I wasn't escorted out like some criminal because they didn't know I was leaving.
I was supposed to start making arrangements when I woke up this morning.
Clean up my place so it will be decent. But all I did was eat and sleep.
I'm scared to fail.
I'm scared of possible pain.
I'm angry that I have to do this.
I go back and forth with blaming others for the situation.
But then I go to maybe this is the opportunity I needed.
Just terrified it won't work because I need this to work.
I'm exhausted
I'm sick of living a life I can no longer survive and never wanted.
Please pray for me to finally pass away. Pray for me to not have to much memory or pain after my attempt.
Pray that I'll finally get the heaven I deserve.
I can't fail because I have nothing here and I refuse to be homeless or in some institution.
Tomorrow I said I would start cleaning so I can die in my nice environment.
And when eventually found the place will be decent.
Send love and light for me to be free.
Will post tomorrow

 

[lostforever77]

I am so sorry abut your Job! I can also understand about not cleaning up, my room is a complete mess. Ever since my wife said she was leaving I just have not had the will or desire. I have been lucky so far with my job, because I work from home, no one knows when I go off camera and just start crying. Also my boss has been patient, though I am sure that is not eternal. I also understand the fear of failing, its hard thinking that if we can just bring ourselves to do this one thing then we will be fine, but what if we fail. Know that we are here, and at least for me, I am almost on here 24/7 minus a few hours per day to sleep.

 

[NoOneLovesMiMi]

I am so sorry abut your Job! I can also understand about not cleaning up, my room is a complete mess. Ever since my wife said she was leaving I just have not had the will or desire. I have been lucky so far with my job, because I work from home, no one knows when I go off camera and just start crying. Also my boss has been patient, though I am sure that is not eternal. I also understand the fear of failing, its hard thinking that if we can just bring ourselves to do this one thing then we will be fine, but what if we fail. Know that we are here, and at least for me, I am almost on here 24/7 minus a few hours per day to sleep.

Thankyou
I really needed this

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel so tired of suffering in this cruel existence, I hope that you eventually find the freedom you are searching for.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope you find freedom and peace what you are searching for.

 

[hopeless08]

I am so sorry abut your Job! I can also understand about not cleaning up, my room is a complete mess. Ever since my wife said she was leaving I just have not had the will or desire. I have been lucky so far with my job, because I work from home, no one knows when I go off camera and just start crying. Also my boss has been patient, though I am sure that is not eternal. I also understand the fear of failing, its hard thinking that if we can just bring ourselves to do this one thing then we will be fine, but what if we fail. Know that we are here, and at least for me, I am almost on here 24/7 minus a few hours per day to sleep.

I feel for you and understand the loneliness and fear. I as well am on here all the time because I have nothing to do but think of painful memories. Before I found this site I was basically catatonic.
When you have so much pain, the kind of emotional pain that actually becomes physical, you can't even get a word out of your mouth. This site is all I have and am grateful to have you guys

 

[NoOneLovesMiMi]

I feel for you and understand the loneliness and fear. I as well am on here all the time because I have nothing to do but think of painful memories. Before I found this site I was basically catatonic.
When you have so much pain, the kind of emotional pain that actually becomes physical, you can't even get a word out of your mouth. This site is all I have and am grateful to have you guys