I'm Scared

[SadPingu]

I'm glad I found this forum but I'm sacred I'm here.

I have bipolar 2 disorder so this clearly indicates I'm not well right now which I know but I'm not sure I realise just how unwell I might be.

No one knows how bad it is right now. I'm very good as masking because what else can I do besides go on with day to day life.

I'm seeing my GP tomorrow. I obviously can't admit I'm using a forum like this as they're already concerned enough that I might SH or CTB.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Why would you be scared to be here? it's better to be among others who may have experienced your "problems" already and they will understand you and your personal desires without judging you. This is much better support than anything else I would say. As you already said, it's better not to mention anything about CTB thoughts/plans.

It's so incredibly difficult for people to speak openly about their true problems and desires outside this refuge.

 

[Zebulon]

I feel you. I also wanna call my Psychiatrist. But my fear is, if I mention I wanna CTB they will lock me away.
This forum gives me kinda hope though, I can get out of bed and actually do something.
For example today I was at my GP to get my Metoclopramid.
I'll still have the fear though, that I'll even get banned here, if I talk in detail about my method. Not sure if this is true though

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'll still have the fear though, that I'll even get banned here, if I talk in detail about my method. Not sure if this is true though

Why do you think so? It's fine to discuss methods. It can help others too.

 

[SadPingu]

Why would you be scared to be here? it's better to be among others who may have experienced your "problems" already and they will understand you and your personal desires without judging you. This is much better support than anything else I would say. As you already said, it's better not to mention anything about CTB thoughts/plans.

It's so incredibly difficult for people to speak openly about their true problems and desires outside this refuge.

I think the fear is that being here means I must have some actual real desire to CTB. I've had ideation in the past but that's all it's been now it's kinda constant. There's this statistics that most people who have ideation or thoughts aren't actually actively wanting to or going to CTB (that might be wrong but I'll take it at face value). So it's starting to feel real now iykwim.

 

[Zebulon]

Why do you think so? It's fine to discuss methods. It can help others too.

I'm still unsure how the
Encourage acts, ask for encouragement, or help anyone commit any acts.
rule is enforced

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I think the fear is that being here means I must have some actual real desire to CTB. I've had ideation in the past but that's all it's been now it's kinda constant. There's this statistics that most people who have ideation or thoughts aren't actually actively wanting to or going to CTB (that might be wrong but I'll take it at face value). So it's starting to feel real now iykwim.

Just being here doesn't require you to actively consider CTB this is your own personal decision at any time! You can be here just to vent whenever you want or whatever you want if that is relief for you already, you can also visit the recovery section if that is what your are searching for. If you are really bothered by your CTB thoughts and you do not want to CTB in any case you'd need to seek professional help with the risks of being sent to a psych ward, psych meds and other stuff. Whether that really solves your personal problem is trial and error in my opinion.

To me personally CTB is inevitable to be relieved from all agony and suffering and that's why I'm personally not bothered by any thoughts or plans regarding CTB for myself.

I'm still unsure how the
Encourage acts, ask for encouragement, or help anyone commit any acts.
rule is enforced

Showing empathy is not encouraging someone. It's only understanding the other one and respecting their personal decisions. And if you have knowledge about methods and you can help someone else preventing them from a disaster that's also appreciated.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be tiring and awful having to suffer like that, existence really is too cruel. But anyway best wishes, at least to me I certainly wouldn't see it as being a good idea opening up about anything suicide related outside of this site.

 

[Ambivalent1]

This site is limbo. North of earth but south of heaven

 

[SVEN]

Please don't be apprehensive about being here, we represent every viewpoint from across the whole spectrum of being weary/tired/scared/sick of living through to those who have chosen to fight on (have a look on the Recovery section for more optimistic posts).
Whatever you feel you wish to do, all anyone here will try to do is offer understanding (many of us will have been where you are) and support.
Best wishes in your present situation.

 

[Sweet Tart]

I think the fear is that being here means I must have some actual real desire to CTB.

I'm sorry you're having a rough time, @SadPingu . I wanted to join this site for years but held back due to fear, too. Never because I thought this was a harmful place, just that it meant admitting something to myself that I'd been afraid to admit for a long time.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think everyone needs to think about their own mental health and ultimately- what they want. If you don't want to CTB. If you want to actively fight those thoughts- I would actually say- perhaps this isn't the best place to be. Perhaps not the suicide section anyhow. If you want your life to be more focused on recovery- then- perhaps it's 'safer' to spend more time there.

I think a lot of people here are comfortable with thinking that CTB is a likelihood for them. I'm not saying this place will convince you to think the same- I really protest at the accusation that we're some death cult. STILL- when we're feeling low- these very negative thoughts- I find can feel more comforting. They can feel more familar/ realistic and it can feel relaxing to just not fight them anymore. Still- I think you need to decide yourself on whether that's the course you want to take. I expect you'll realise fairly soon whether this environment is aiding you or not. Some people do join, only to realise they want to recover, or that they need to leave. I guess it's like anything in life- you need to judge whether something is helpful or detrimental to what you REALLY want. I hope your visit with your GP goes well.