I have a feeling I don't understand what you're asking. I fantasize about hanging myself, but would prefer a more peaceful, painful route. Something about my last thoughts and feelings being panic doesn't sit well with me... But, if I were to ever hang myself I would likely take a lot of benzos, drink a good amount of booze, and take numerous sleep aids to avoid the scary feeling and just pass out with the rope/belt around my neck wedged in a doorway, and let my body weight do the rest.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 37,160
I do not think that there is a way to force yourself to go through with it. Only you know when you are ready and I believe that it is a feeling that someone has, that they know that it is time to leave. I think that many people manage to get the courage to ctb when the pain of living gets unbearable for them and they get desperate. Hanging sounds like difficult method and I have never personally attempted because of the fear of failure. If it was easier to leave, I would already be gone.
I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from your suffering. I'm sorry that it has come to this point for you.
I hope that in whatever happens, you find relief from your suffering. I'm sorry that it has come to this point for you.
I can't function properly, can't form sentences or perform basic tasks, I'm binge eating everyday like 30k calories,I'm a bad person with no impluse control, I'm irresponsible and I hurt everyone around me, the only people who stick with my are my parents with whom I live and they have enough of me as well. I have no place on this world. I would want to use SN but I'm not smart or motivated enough to get the full set up. I don't want people to see me as I am right now (I've gained weight). Recently I've realised that there's plenty of things wrong with me (socially, mentally, physically) and I have zeeeeroooo discipline to change that. I've always been irresponsible and mean, thought I'll be able to change but I gave up. I'm 19, my free trial on life has just ended, mentally I'm 5 and I'll never be responsible or functioning. I have to kill myself because every day I am on this earth I just get worse and worse. I don't know how the world works, idk how people work.
Also, if it wasn't already apparent, I'm self-centred af. I've already attempted a few times but I always chicken out, I don't really wanna do it, but I have to out of decency (and fear of diabetes)
Can you be open with your parents about how you think about yourself and that you want to change, but don't seem to be able to fully do this on your own. Many people change from 19, I think you shouldn't be too hard on yourself.
But honestly, 30k cal? Is it even possible to eat this much food? Like 60 hamburgers?
I've been to therapy since I was 13, I think my brain is just fried and overstimulated, I should just get my shit together but I have zero discipline or motivation, it's over for me, I had multiple chances of getting better
I wish I could call someone just before doing it, someone who wouldn't stop me and would just remind me of how there's truly no other way for me
Tbh I didn't count calories for past two weeks (that's how long I've been binging) last binge I've 'recorded' was 8k but it was on normal food after that I started buying a lot of junk food and I'm not sure if it's 30 or 40 or more idk
Literally all I do is lay and eat all day. I've had a few days where I'd buy a shit ton of junk drive to a forest with the noose and tried to hang myself but I've never suspended. That's why I need encouragement (more like a reminder)
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LeavingEarly
Experienced
- Mar 19, 2022
- 287
LeavingEarly
Experienced
- Mar 19, 2022
- 287
From what you have described it sounds like your feeling a pressure that you're putting on yourself to CTB. It sounds like you feel that everyone would be "better off" without you.
Or is it, underneath your current reasoning, the level of pain that you're in?
Do your parents honestly feel that they've had enough of you and that they would not miss you once you're gone? As far as a death of a loved one; natural causes are enough to accept but suicide is a different topic. A very different topic.
I know that you're in a tough spot, I truly do, but may not be a good idea to CTB if you feel like you "have to".
If your mental health is beyond treatment and you don't feel that you will ever achieve any quality of life that's one thing.
But if you are ending your life because you feel a self-created sense of pressure to do so then I would try to rethink things.
You sound like you're in a bad place and I don't know what you've been through up to this point in your life so I don't think simplistic, pithy advice would be very helpful in this situation.
I know that it sounds like a longshot but I'm going to wish you good well anyway and hope that you can find life solutions that work for you.
I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. I really am. For what it's worth I wish you good health.
Or is it, underneath your current reasoning, the level of pain that you're in?
Do your parents honestly feel that they've had enough of you and that they would not miss you once you're gone? As far as a death of a loved one; natural causes are enough to accept but suicide is a different topic. A very different topic.
I know that you're in a tough spot, I truly do, but may not be a good idea to CTB if you feel like you "have to".
If your mental health is beyond treatment and you don't feel that you will ever achieve any quality of life that's one thing.
But if you are ending your life because you feel a self-created sense of pressure to do so then I would try to rethink things.
You sound like you're in a bad place and I don't know what you've been through up to this point in your life so I don't think simplistic, pithy advice would be very helpful in this situation.
I know that it sounds like a longshot but I'm going to wish you good well anyway and hope that you can find life solutions that work for you.
I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. I really am. For what it's worth I wish you good health.
i attempted but my rope broke. i got myself up on the chair situated my neck and went over "how to knock yourself out" on google by blowing on your thumb and i was unconscious but unfortunately woke up on the floor bc the rope broke
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