I'm scared to be better

[ambivalent_thespian]

I need professional help and probably some sort of medication. I haven't been screened for anything since I was 6, and obviously so much has changed since then. I need to be evaluated for ptsd.


But I'm worried about how people will react. I'm worried I'll have upset people with the fact that I have a full plan made already. I'm not used to people actually caring about my needs, and I tend to become hostile with unfamiliarity. I don't know what I should be doing anymore, but many people recommended that I post here due to my age and concerns that I might be acting rashly.

Feelings are hard so I'm sorry in advance for any cynicism, I promise it is not meant to be disrespectful or rude, but an expression of my genuine feelings on most things.

 

[jadepalace]

If the people you're worried about upsetting are friends/family you don't have to tell them the reason you're in therapy. You can say it's just for general depression or stress from work/school.

 

[drearybreadd]

If it's any support I really feel the same way. I support anyone who wants to get professional help despite not finding the strength to do it myself. You got this :) ignore what other people think, they have no idea what you've been through. Are you afraid of people being upset or of their opinions of you changing? Second is inevitable, first one should really not be a big deal. You are hurting so much more than they will finding out. Trust, they would be a lot more hurt if they found out later on which they eventually will unless you manage to hide for the rest of your life

 

[HighFlight]

Hi @ambivalent_thespian - Thank you for sharing. It's OK to need/want to get some help, and this can be a very scary realization.

You still have control over what you share or don't share. There's no need to tell them that you had a full plan. As others have said, you can start slowly and approach as general anxiety and depression. Tell them how you're feeling and why, but I don't think you have to go into the details of how you were planning to solve the problem. Maybe in the future once you are more comfortable.

Also, being 18 in the US means that you have protection in terms of what can be shared by professionals with your parents. But it sounds like you have caring parents, and if you approach them properly, they could be your strongest allies. As a parent, the hardest thing to hear was my son admitting he had suicidal ideation. But we are now much closer and working towards recovery one day at a time.

You're starting a journey, and that can be scary. But the goal can be worth the effort. Like the Chinese proverb says:

"A journey of a thousand miles
begins with a single step"

Feel free to reach out to me if you want to talk.