Venting I'm scared of the future

[Can'tStandAnymore]

It's been almost 2 years since I got progressive brain disease. I was watching anime, reading things a lot, and feeling very intense emotions back in the time. I lost all of them, I don't even recognize myself anymore. Cognitive impairment, loss of libido, overactive bowel, CFS and depersonalization...
I'm just 18, despite the crippling anxiety disorder I had all the time; I wish I lived longer.
I'm scared because this is a progressive disease. I'm not even able to cry because my mind is completely void. I remember the first time I came to this forum, I was still feeling a bit more emotion and my mind were like less disintegrated then. I was merely talking with my friends.

I don't know what is worse, the present moment, or the future. I will probably be in vegetative state. But it's so painful to get to see myself get dumber and dumber every day.

I have SN, domperidone and antiacid, all ready in my schoolbag. But I don't want to do this to my family.

 

[Beautifulletdown]

I hate to hear this so much. That you're going through so much. If I could trade my life for yours I'd do it in a heartbeat. I warn you my body isn't perfect though, society considers me a bit on the heavy side.

 

[ralphnol]

what you describe is very similar to what I feel as well. have you gotten diagnosed?

 

[wendydong1]

It's been almost 2 years since I got progressive brain disease. I was watching anime, reading things a lot, and feeling very intense emotions back in the time. I lost all of them, I don't even recognize myself anymore. Cognitive impairment, loss of libido, overactive bowel, CFS and depersonalization...
I'm just 18, despite the crippling anxiety disorder I had all the time; I wish I lived longer.
I'm scared because this is a progressive disease. I'm not even able to cry because my mind is completely void. I remember the first time I came to this forum, I was still feeling a bit more emotion and my mind were like less disintegrated then. I was merely talking with my friends.

I don't know what is worse, the present moment, or the future. I will probably be in vegetative state. But it's so painful to get to see myself get dumber and dumber every day.

I have SN, domperidone and antiacid, all ready in my schoolbag. But I don't want to do this to my family.

does SN work well with domperidone? I thought the standard is meto?

 

[b12ruinedme]

I know it's a hard thing to do to your family. But out of all people I think people with brain disease have a right to die, and preferably peacefully

what you describe is very similar to what I feel as well. have you gotten diagnosed?

Same here, have you?

 

[Stan]

I have SN, domperidone and antiacid, all ready in my schoolbag. But I don't want to do this to my family.

Your story is heart wrenching and I wish I had words to console you. I could not say either way anything to help you come to a decision, it is really your decision. I believe from what you wrote you understand all the factors, your quality of life against the impact to your family. @Blackjack has the reverse situation to you in the way of family dynamics, she is a parent leaving her sons. Maybe you should read a few of her posts, they may or may not help. I wish you peace with whatever you decide.

 

[ralphnol]

Same here, have you?

No I didnt, not brain disease, no.

 

[Worndown]

I understand not wanting to hurt your family but it looks like they will have this pain either way. I wish you the best with your decision, whatever it may be.

 

[Can'tStandAnymore]

what you describe is very similar to what I feel as well. have you gotten diagnosed?

No I haven't. Doctors don't think I have a problem. Intelligence and cognitive ability is a subjective thing, there is no way I can prove.

does SN work well with domperidone? I thought the standard is meto?

I thought domperidone would be better. It doesn't cross BBB, thus it wouldn't cause EPS.

 

[ralphnol]

No I haven't. Doctors don't think I have a problem. Intelligence and cognitive ability is a subjective thing, there is no way I can prove.
I thought domperidone would be better. It doesn't cross BBB, thus it wouldn't cause EPS.

Ok, I figured. You still seem pretty sharp tho.

 

[Darkhaven]

Hey! Just saw this thread now, but i want to say that i'm really on a similar situation.
Last year i got diagnosed with a neurodegenerative disease.
My body, mostly my hands and arms, shakes uncontrollably and that added to my social anxiety, makes me look like a disabled fool in front of other people.
I only feel well when i'm totally alone and away from people.
As time passes and my parents start to expect me to start looking for work, my depression becomes unbearable.
I still don't know what i can do of my life, but one thing's certain: i will only get worse as the disease progresses.

 

[Can'tStandAnymore]

Ok, I figured. You still seem pretty sharp tho.

I have asperger's. I'm in one of the best college in the country. That's reasonable that I still have communicating ability.

 

[b12ruinedme]

I have asperger's. I'm in one of the best college in the country. That's reasonable that I still have communicating ability.

We're in such a similar situation haha I can't believe it... We're the loneliest people in the world as nobody will ever get it. Intellect is such a personal thing. People around me also don't think anything is wrong with me.

I have asperger's. I'm in one of the best college in the country. That's reasonable that I still have communicating ability.

They also think it's just about performing and cognitive ability. No it is not, it's how you live trough life, see and experience things every day...

Hey! Just saw this thread now, but i want to say that i'm really on a similar situation.
Last year i got diagnosed with a neurodegenerative disease.
My body, mostly my hands and arms, shakes uncontrollably and that added to my social anxiety, makes me look like a disabled fool in front of other people.
I only feel well when i'm totally alone and away from people.
As time passes and my parents start to expect me to start looking for work, my depression becomes unbearable.
I still don't know what i can do of my life, but one thing's certain: i will only get worse as the disease progresses.

What disease you have if I may ask? is euthanasia available in your country?

 

[mnjkl]

If you're headed to a vegetative state then no one would blame you for checking out early. You should be certain of that first though, when you're young it's more likely that symptoms can point to the wrong disease.