Venting I'm ruining my own life

[KenDuh]

I have just discovered that I've been sabotaging my life, I've stopped myself from living, having friends, important people in my life, because I was gonna ctb, but I'm too scared to do it, I've been depriving myself for years now, thinking it was the best. I even messed up with this girl I like, telling her that I would kill myself so we would need to cut contact. I can't kill myself and I act like a nuisance for my own life. I don't even know what to do anymore, I refuse to live a quiet life and then complain that life is horrible, I can't trust myself to make decisions, but then idk what to do, I don't want to disturb more people with my delusional ideas.

 

[cakedog]

I read some of your threads and seems like your bigger issue is lacking or seeing a meaning in life
i still think you can fix your life i don't think you have completely destroyed it but yeah without seeing a purpose it may feel counterproductive
can't really give much advice other than the typical find something that motivates you to live another day and the like but i don't think you should undermine it billions of lives work under that principle

sending hugs

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

I have just discovered that I've been sabotaging my life, I've stopped myself from living, having friends, important people in my life, because I was gonna ctb, but I'm too scared to do it, I've been depriving myself for years now, thinking it was the best. I even messed up with this girl I like, telling her that I would kill myself so we would need to cut contact. I can't kill myself and I act like a nuisance for my own life. I don't even know what to do anymore, I refuse to live a quiet life and then complain that life is horrible, I can't trust myself to make decisions, but then idk what to do, I don't want to disturb more people with my delusional ideas.

For me this man called Simba ruined my life and yes I can safely say so and yes he is the reason why I'm committing suicide soon and yes I can say what I want and he wants me to die so it's both of us getting what we want.

Happy for everyone involved.

Minutes of uncomfortability are much better than a lifetime of misery and trauma.

I will not comment on anyone else going further as this is something I can only know what I know.

I want me dead more than anyone else in this world.