I’m relapsing hard

[SMG08ABUSER]

After a hiatus from this forum, I have been relapsing hard over the past few weeks. I started cutting myself a few weeks ago. The wounds on my arm have since healed, but I can still see the scars.

I'm really starting to wonder why I'm even still going. I am studying a field that is very oversaturated right now and will likely continue to remain oversaturated for years to come. The chances of me getting a job are at lottery level odds with an average of 3% interview rate from what I've seen online. Even then, people in the field consider a measly 3% interview rate to be quite high nowadays. What's the whole point of even staying alive, putting myself through college if I'm just going to do all of that learning, classwork, exams, projects, and resume building just to end up working minimum wage again after I graduate?

I am also completely alone romantically. I am 24 and have never been on a date or even kissed anyone. At this point, it's pretty much over for me in the dating scene. Women will immediately sense that I am inexperienced and I will repulse them due to my ugliness, boring personality, lack of social skills, and lack of experience. I will never be understood and appreciated just as I am.

It hurts so much to be deprived of such experiences. I genuinely believe my future is doomed. There is literally no aspect of my life to look forward to at all. If I don't die while I'm still young, it is highly likely I will spend the rest of my life lonely while working night shift minimum wage warehouse jobs for <$20/hr. I will never be able to start the life I always dreamt of, and it's my fault for being so incompetent at life. I will most likely be dead within this decade.

 

[Hvergelmir]

What's the whole point of even staying alive, putting myself through college if I'm just going to do all of that learning, classwork, exams, projects, and resume building just to end up working minimum wage again after I graduate?

Your concern for your career path is valid.
Are you willing and able to do what it takes to compete with the top 3%? Will your education provide significant value outside of your career (skills and knowledge doesn't have to be all about work)?
If not, it makes sense to steer your education and career in another direction. Adaption is in no way a failure.

I am also completely alone romantically. I am 24 and have never been on a date or even kissed anyone. At this point, it's pretty much over for me in the dating scene. Women will immediately sense that I am inexperienced and I will repulse them due to my ugliness, boring personality, lack of social skills, and lack of experience.

Inexperience isn't necessarily a bad thing. (The other day a woman on this very forum asked how you could ever see anything special in having sex or romantic relations with a man whom had other women.)
Ugliness is subjective, but can also be remedied in various way if you're willing to do so.
Boring personality is very subjective. On the other end of the spectrum are eccentric maniacs. Boring is often safe and trustworthy.
Skills can be learnt, and experience is gained simply by trying.

it is highly likely I will spend the rest of my life lonely while working night shift minimum wage...

If you drop any and all aspiration for anything else, sure, then it's likely.

Even in low skill jobs you can rise above the very worst. Moving from minimum wage night time warehouse worker to well-payed daytime forklift operator, is for example very realistic, where I live. You can also pursue mid or even high skill jobs later in life.
To most people, their job is just a tool to finance more fulfilling goals. Passion and exciting opportunities in terms of employments are mostly recruitment buzz words.

I find it sad when young people stuck in education gives up on life as a whole. Education has great potential, but it makes no sense destroying oneself for it.

 

[jinx <3]

I also feel like my life is going to end up boring and sad if I continue along the path that I've been going down. I don't really know what field I want to work in, but I doubt I'll be able to maintain a job in any field due to my mental illnesses. I understand the pain and loneliness that you've experienced. I hadn't been with anyone romantically until just last year. I'm sure you'll find someone someday, there are a LOT of people out there after all. I just hope you survive long enough to experience all of the things there are in life that make it worth living. Good luck with college and your future career (and remember, pivoting to something new is not the same as admitting failure).

 

[theboy]

Be strong, you can do it :)

 

[SMG08ABUSER]

Your concern for your career path is valid.
Are you willing and able to do what it takes to compete with the top 3%? Will your education provide significant value outside of your career (skills and knowledge doesn't have to be all about work)?
If not, it makes sense to steer your education and career in another direction. Adaption is in no way a failure.

Inexperience isn't necessarily a bad thing. (The other day a woman on this very forum asked how you could ever see anything special in having sex or romantic relations with a man whom had other women.)
Ugliness is subjective, but can also be remedied in various way if you're willing to do so.
Boring personality is very subjective. On the other end of the spectrum are eccentric maniacs. Boring is often safe and trustworthy.
Skills can be learnt, and experience is gained simply by trying.

If you drop any and all aspiration for anything else, sure, then it's likely.

Even in low skill jobs you can rise above the very worst. Moving from minimum wage night time warehouse worker to well-payed daytime forklift operator, is for example very realistic, where I live. You can also pursue mid or even high skill jobs later in life.
To most people, their job is just a tool to finance more fulfilling goals. Passion and exciting opportunities in terms of employments are mostly recruitment buzz words.

I find it sad when young people stuck in education gives up on life as a whole. Education has great potential, but it makes no sense destroying oneself for it.

The way I see it, I'm doing myself a huge favor by permanently avoiding an entire lifetime of disappointment and mediocrity. I'm so tired of having hope only to be proven wrong each time.

If my 14 year old self saw where I was at in life 10 years later, he would be extremely disappointed. It's over for me

 

[Linda]

After a hiatus from this forum, I have been relapsing hard over the past few weeks. I started cutting myself a few weeks ago. The wounds on my arm have since healed, but I can still see the scars.

I'm really starting to wonder why I'm even still going. I am studying a field that is very oversaturated right now and will likely continue to remain oversaturated for years to come. The chances of me getting a job are at lottery level odds with an average of 3% interview rate from what I've seen online. Even then, people in the field consider a measly 3% interview rate to be quite high nowadays. What's the whole point of even staying alive, putting myself through college if I'm just going to do all of that learning, classwork, exams, projects, and resume building just to end up working minimum wage again after I graduate?

I am also completely alone romantically. I am 24 and have never been on a date or even kissed anyone. At this point, it's pretty much over for me in the dating scene. Women will immediately sense that I am inexperienced and I will repulse them due to my ugliness, boring personality, lack of social skills, and lack of experience. I will never be understood and appreciated just as I am.

It hurts so much to be deprived of such experiences. I genuinely believe my future is doomed. There is literally no aspect of my life to look forward to at all. If I don't die while I'm still young, it is highly likely I will spend the rest of my life lonely while working night shift minimum wage warehouse jobs for <$20/hr. I will never be able to start the life I always dreamt of, and it's my fault for being so incompetent at life. I will most likely be dead within this decade.

What field are you studying?
A woman who likes you won't care if you are inexperienced, since you will acquire the necessary experience very quickly. So don't worry about that.

 

[SMG08ABUSER]

What field are you studying?
A woman who likes you won't care if you are inexperienced, since you will acquire the necessary experience very quickly. So don't worry about that.

I'm going for a bachelor's in software engineering. Lots of people applying to thousands of positions and still getting nothing, even after graduating. I have been spending all of my free time studying and passing my exams. I actually found myself really enjoying learning how to program. For the first time in a while, I have found something that I am genuinely interested in.

I finished 2 classes in 2 months so far, and I'm in my first term. The job market looks awful and I'm really starting to doubt if it's even worth it since theres a very high chance I'll still be working minimum wage after graduating. I am scheduled to graduate within 2-3 years. It would be a complete waste of time and effort if I am still working minimum wage years after graduating due to not being able to find a job.

 

[Linda]

I'm going for a bachelor's in software engineering. Lots of people applying to thousands of positions and still getting nothing, even after graduating. I have been spending all of my free time studying and passing my exams. I actually found myself really enjoying learning how to program. For the first time in a while, I have found something that I am genuinely interested in.

I finished 2 classes in 2 months so far, and I'm in my first term. The job market looks awful and I'm really starting to doubt if it's even worth it since theres a very high chance I'll still be working minimum wage after graduating. I am scheduled to graduate within 2-3 years. It would be a complete waste of time and effort if I am still working minimum wage years after graduating due to not being able to find a job.

I have been writing code since 1971, and I still write code when I need it. (These days usually in C++.)
I think what you need to do is develop skills in some more specialised area, so that you differentiate yourself from the vast mass of people who are just "software engineers". AI seems to be the hot topic at the moment, and I think it will continue to be so for at least another decade. There is a scarcity of people who really understand the subject and who can work effectively in it. My advice would be to get deep into the topic of AI, really master it, and eventually make yourself known as a near-expert in it. That would need hard work, and probably a lot of it, but the payoff would be good.

 

[Hvergelmir]

I'm going for a bachelor's in software engineering. Lots of people applying to thousands of positions and still getting nothing, even after graduating. I have been spending all of my free time studying and passing my exams. I actually found myself really enjoying learning how to program. For the first time in a while, I have found something that I am genuinely interested in.

I finished 2 classes in 2 months so far, and I'm in my first term. The job market looks awful and I'm really starting to doubt if it's even worth it since theres a very high chance I'll still be working minimum wage after graduating. I am scheduled to graduate within 2-3 years. It would be a complete waste of time and effort if I am still working minimum wage years after graduating due to not being able to find a job.

Right now the economy isn't great, but I have a hard time perceiving the market the way you're describing it.

If you graduate as an engineer I don't think you'll ever be forced into warehouse jobs.
The bottom tier jobs would be more like advanced technical support or some kind of technician - mid tier jobs, for normal people.

More generally I'd put my focus on what I'm personally interested in. This makes it much easier to become an expert (or whatever level you're aiming for).
Second, I'd go for developing versatile and fundamental skills. This enables you to move more freely between different fields, as times and interests change.