I'm really trying, but I'm still such a mess

[End Piece]

I'm doing DBT group 2x a week and individual therapy 1x a week, completing the assigned homework. Keeping some semblance of a schedule. I'm going to yoga classes, computer classes on the weekend. I'm in a healthy relationship. I'm in the process of moving out. I'm pretty good about taking my meds (cipralex and abilify).
But I still can't keep my shit together. My mood is extremely disregulated. I cry uncontrollably - I'm talking full on, fetal position sobbing. My bulimia is out of control. Looking for work is extremely demoralizing for me because it reminds me of the skills I lack.
So I want to know, what next? Keep doing what I'm doing and wait? Or add something else in to this routine? I am so scared.

 

[Empty Smile]

Keep doing what you're doing as far as therapy. Add something to the mix to keep yourself occupied and your mind off things that are bringing you down.

I like going fishing and hiking into the woods. It doesn't erase the problems, but it takes it off my mind for a few hours. It's like putting yourself in a different world.

 

[End Piece]

Keep doing what you're doing as far as therapy. Add something to the mix to keep yourself occupied and your mind off things that are bringing you down.

I like going fishing and hiking into the woods. It doesn't erase the problems, but it takes it off my mind for a few hours. It's like putting yourself in a different world.

Unfortunately, I live in the city. I think that's part of the reason I'm so depressed - nature deficit disorder. I was thinking of incorporating some sort of spiritual practice into my life.

 

[WhiteDespair]

You do more than I do. When I'm down I can really only go to the office and do that job. I've been washing clothes and draping them over a chair so they don't get completely wrinkled while rummaging through a hamper of clean clothes for socks. The fact you can fit all of that in is excellent. Much props.

I work in the city and, yes, for all the people it's strangely isolating. There's everything to do which means paralysis from too many choices. For nature, is there any way you can get to a park?

 

[NordNihilist]

Unfortunately, I live in the city. I think that's part of the reason I'm so depressed - nature deficit disorder. I was thinking of incorporating some sort of spiritual practice into my life.

Civilization and urban environments are just extremely inhumane. We were not evolved for these environments. Sometimes I wonder if our hunter-gatherer ancestors were happier living in small tribes despite leading shorter and more brutish lives.

 

[End Piece]

You do more than I do. When I'm down I can really only go to the office and do that job. I've been washing clothes and draping them over a chair so they don't get completely wrinkled while rummaging through a hamper of clean clothes for socks. The fact you can fit all of that in is excellent. Much props.

I work in the city and, yes, for all the people it's strangely isolating. There's everything to do which means paralysis from too many choices. For nature, is there any way you can get to a park?

The only reason I manage to do all these things is because I'm unemployed! You go to work, you take the time to do laundry and care enough to make your clothing wrinkle free. That shows a level of self respect and should not be discounted. So props to you too.
A park is a good idea. I guess I get nervous walking around because then intrusive thoughts have an opportunity to sneak in.

Civilization and urban environments are just extremely inhumane. We were not evolved for these environments. Sometimes I wonder if our hunter-gatherer ancestors were happier living in small tribes despite leading shorter and more brutish lives.

I have this thought all the time. The happiest I've EVER been in my adult life was when I was volunteering full time for 6 months, living with 11 other people and working with them to help the community. I would be content with living a very minimalistic life, but I don't know how to make that happen.

 

[WhiteDespair]

The only reason I manage to do all these things is because I'm unemployed! You go to work, you take the time to do laundry and care enough to make your clothing wrinkle free. That shows a level of self respect and should not be discounted. So props to you too.
A park is a good idea. I guess I get nervous walking around because then intrusive thoughts have an opportunity to sneak in.

I have this thought all the time. The happiest I've EVER been in my adult life was when I was volunteering full time for 6 months, living with 11 other people and working with them to help the community. I would be content with living a very minimalistic life, but I don't know how to make that happen.

Thank you. It's funny. We each are doing what we think is the bare minimum and that doesn't look like it to someone else.

 

[jgm63]

If you are interested in a spiritual teaching, then I suggest Barry Long
You could make a start with :

Spoiler: HOW TO STOP THINKING

He also has many good books.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I'm doing DBT group 2x a week and individual therapy 1x a week, completing the assigned homework. Keeping some semblance of a schedule. I'm going to yoga classes, computer classes on the weekend. I'm in a healthy relationship. I'm in the process of moving out. I'm pretty good about taking my meds (cipralex and abilify).
But I still can't keep my shit together. My mood is extremely disregulated. I cry uncontrollably - I'm talking full on, fetal position sobbing. My bulimia is out of control. Looking for work is extremely demoralizing for me because it reminds me of the skills I lack.
So I want to know, what next? Keep doing what I'm doing and wait? Or add something else in to this routine? I am so scared.

Maybe that is something that you can bring up to your therapist.

 

[Final Escape]

I'm doing DBT group 2x a week and individual therapy 1x a week, completing the assigned homework. Keeping some semblance of a schedule. I'm going to yoga classes, computer classes on the weekend. I'm in a healthy relationship. I'm in the process of moving out. I'm pretty good about taking my meds (cipralex and abilify).
But I still can't keep my shit together. My mood is extremely disregulated. I cry uncontrollably - I'm talking full on, fetal position sobbing. My bulimia is out of control. Looking for work is extremely demoralizing for me because it reminds me of the skills I lack.
So I want to know, what next? Keep doing what I'm doing and wait? Or add something else in to this routine? I am so scared.

Sounds like u should start to journal, I guess a huge part of therapy is to make friends with writing out what u are feeling everyday. You pull up the list of feeling words so u can accurately identify emotions beyond just happy, sad, afraid, helpless, mad. I feel it is helping but it's slightly hard to make time to force myself to do this every morning or most days of the week. The meds u are on might actually be making things worse. I was once put on a drug similar to abilify it was called rexulti. Omfg within two weeks I was trying to suicide.

It was very activating and made it impossible to sleep. Took me a couple weeks to feel better after I stopped the med. I had brain zaps and my head hurt from withdrawal. Initially the rexulti improved my motivation and I was wanting to do stuff but then I began to get psychosis probably due to the lack of sleep or it was just too activating to my brain. Since beginning to journal daily I began to notice how I'm not feeling my feelings or trying to avoid them. In order to get better u have to feel your feelings and become comfortable with bad feelings instead of trying to ignore and suppress them.