I'm probably catching the bus soon, could use some advice.

[AloneInCollege]

I go back to school in late august, so it has to be before then. I've been suicidal for a long time but I never really attempted for real, although I almost did multiple times. I think I would get in my head and convince myself that I had things to live for, but recently I've really been thinking and I have decided that I don't and that I really am ready to go. (This is going to be a bit of a vent lol) Of the people that I was friends with at college, I would consider maybe 5 or 6 of them actually my friends, but I never actually added anything positive to their life and none of them actually go out of their way to talk to me now, I stopped reaching out first to see if anyone would reach out and its been probably 3 weeks now. Anyway of the 5 actual friends I have here, I'm the least important person in the group and I always feel the smallest anytime we all hang out. I don't have any of my own money, I'm too depressed to work, a couple years ago I worked fastfood for a year and even then I called off all the time just cause I couldn't go in due to anxiety and depression and I'm significantly worse now. Right now I'm back at home so my dad pays for food and stuff, but I don't have any spending money, he has me do yard work but its so hard, well in college he also payed for food but everything was so expensive and every month he would send 200 for food but my expenses would always be at least 300 so I would have to ask for more and feel worse every time. My roommate from college owes me like 120-ish, but he's working on getting an American bank account, but even then he probably doesn't care or forgot, plus 120 isn't even that much money anymore. The first year of school already has me in debt through loans since I got basically zilch in gov funding or scholarships (did you know student loans are forgiven in cases of death lol). Anyway I have no point here and I have so much more I could say about how shitty me and my life is but I'll spare you guys.

So because I really don't have money, my methods are limited. We have pills, but I wouldn't want to waste other peoples pills and I don't think mine would be able to cause death in the case of an OD. I think my best chance is partial hanging, I don't have any rope but my dad has lots of neckties. Plus, for various reasons, I usually sleep through the day and am awake at night alone, so I have plenty of time. One problem is that both my dad and my sister have their birthdays in the fourth week of June, and I don't want to make it about me so I'll probably wait until July to CTB, though I'm in so much pain idk if I can last that long. Anyway I want to do it on the couch where it's comfortable but the only place that I think would have enough support is the stairway railings which is wood but I think is sturdy enough. The problem is that in comparison to the couch it's at a weird angle, I'll make a follow up post another day for more help, but does anyone know if there is any knot tricks that would let me support the tie on something else? I know there is the thread that shows you that you can do it with your foot, but doesn't that only make you pass out and not die? Anyway thank you for reading my nonsense, if you have any tips or tricks for partial please let me know! Also any advice about things I should do / get in order during my last month-ish would be very appreciated. Thank you.

 

[LoveYoux]

No one can encourage you, no one really can offer the help you want, all we can suggest is to familiarise yourself with the resources on this site and beyond
Speaking completely subjectively, partial hanging is reportedly unreliable, tourniquet compression is a similar method, but the main misconception is that the intent is blood constriction, not suffocation, so the act can be relatively comfortable
Read up, be organised, stick around x

 

[FuneralCry]

I do not know that much about hanging, I have never attempted before and the fear of failure is what holds me back from doing it. I understand having limited access to methods and I'm sorry that it has come to this point for you. I know that it is hard to carry on when you are in so much pain. I hope that you find relief from your suffering in whatever you decide to do.