Sk8Bones11
I can’t do this without you…
- Aug 14, 2024
- 4
I'm typically depressed this time of year, no surprise.
In the past year I've been happier and thinking less about catching the bus. I'd been more engaged in life and doing pretty well.
But in the past week I've been wanting out again. I'm sitting here tonight frustrated that there's a huge part of me that wants to live but I wish I could just be ready to end my life and not hesitate.
I have a lot to be grateful for, but no matter what, that lingering feeling of wanting out of this life is always there.
Sometimes I have moments where I feel very strong and ready to end it. I'll get a burst of confidence and no fear and even say out loud that I know if I drink a few beers I'd be able to blow my head off no problem.
I'm too fucking sensitive. I love too deeply. And I always end up thinking about people in my life who claim to love me and how it might affect them.
Why??
I want out. I'm tired. I'm tired of hurting. Tired of struggling. Tired of having hope and hanging on only to end up suffering again.
I hope I can just be ready soon and not second guess.
In the past year I've been happier and thinking less about catching the bus. I'd been more engaged in life and doing pretty well.
But in the past week I've been wanting out again. I'm sitting here tonight frustrated that there's a huge part of me that wants to live but I wish I could just be ready to end my life and not hesitate.
I have a lot to be grateful for, but no matter what, that lingering feeling of wanting out of this life is always there.
Sometimes I have moments where I feel very strong and ready to end it. I'll get a burst of confidence and no fear and even say out loud that I know if I drink a few beers I'd be able to blow my head off no problem.
I'm too fucking sensitive. I love too deeply. And I always end up thinking about people in my life who claim to love me and how it might affect them.
Why??
I want out. I'm tired. I'm tired of hurting. Tired of struggling. Tired of having hope and hanging on only to end up suffering again.
I hope I can just be ready soon and not second guess.
. Like, from an outsider's perspective this may appear to be what people call "hope," but it really just feels more like I'm being chained at the bottom of the ocean and I can see the light touching the top of the water and I'm reaching out to go to it, but everytime I make an attempt toward the surface my ankles are bruised and yanked by the chains. 
It feels like we can never win lol.
