nopointofliving
Warrior
- Apr 19, 2021
- 513
I'm not feeling well, and I think I will stay alone forever. Even I'm too kind and considerate about others, but others don't give a damn about me, and they don't even try to re-phrase their sentence to seem more friendly or kinder. I'm really tired. I know I'm a weak person, I know many people put labels on me, and that's okay. But sometimes I cant manage it, and now I can't handle it, so I prefer to be away. I'm barely trying for my life. But others don't see the struggle , they just want to make comments. I was chatting with someone (from a language site). He's considered a successful person in society (he's married, has two daughters, and stable job...money...etc). He was showing off that he is buying a new car, which really annoys me. Then, I was telling him that I'm confused what language to focus on. Then he said: "first you should find a job". This sentence really triggered me . It might be nothing for you, but it really hurts and annoys me.
After that, I was talking with a friend, and I told him: "how life can be a bitch" and he said: "No, life is good". I told him: "how can you say that? you know how much I tried for my life, you know what did I do??" he said: "yes but you refused to enroll many jobs , that others accept". And again this really destroyed me: "then I need to pick up wrong jobs so I can be socially accepted". This is awful. Then I told him: "I need a break , I'm tired". he said: "you wanna leave, i dislike your behavior, if I don't agree with you, you leave". Everyone can be right, and I'm the wrong one, why??? because I'm failing. So if I was dancing somewhere, making good amount of money, I won't be wrong , I will be right because I'm rising. People can't understand how awful life can be to me unless they experience that, then they can understand my pain, and others' pain
unfortunately, I'm isolating myself more and more. I'm left with no one because most of them are mean and unkind. I can't fake my emotions and words. I can't pretend I'm okay with them. I'm not, so I'm pulling myself away. And guess what, it makes no difference to them or to anyone. People will run after their benefits, that's it. Once I'm out of their circle, I'm no longer important. I'm writing this while crying... I'm losing... I'm really losing... I can't take this shitty life alone. It's like you're lying down and everyone is stabbing you with a knife. It's awful.
After that, I was talking with a friend, and I told him: "how life can be a bitch" and he said: "No, life is good". I told him: "how can you say that? you know how much I tried for my life, you know what did I do??" he said: "yes but you refused to enroll many jobs , that others accept". And again this really destroyed me: "then I need to pick up wrong jobs so I can be socially accepted". This is awful. Then I told him: "I need a break , I'm tired". he said: "you wanna leave, i dislike your behavior, if I don't agree with you, you leave". Everyone can be right, and I'm the wrong one, why??? because I'm failing. So if I was dancing somewhere, making good amount of money, I won't be wrong , I will be right because I'm rising. People can't understand how awful life can be to me unless they experience that, then they can understand my pain, and others' pain
unfortunately, I'm isolating myself more and more. I'm left with no one because most of them are mean and unkind. I can't fake my emotions and words. I can't pretend I'm okay with them. I'm not, so I'm pulling myself away. And guess what, it makes no difference to them or to anyone. People will run after their benefits, that's it. Once I'm out of their circle, I'm no longer important. I'm writing this while crying... I'm losing... I'm really losing... I can't take this shitty life alone. It's like you're lying down and everyone is stabbing you with a knife. It's awful.
