Venting I'm not the same person that I used to be

[Notmadeforthislife]

When I see pictures and videos of myself when I used to be happy I feel like I'm not even the same person anymore. It's like that person I used to be is already dead. People still expect me to be like I was back then, but that's not who I am anymore. I wish I could get that person back, but I can't. I used to be active with my family and productive at work. Now all of my drive and motivation is gone. I hate the person I've become, but I feel powerless to change it. My experiences in the past year have ruined me. I don't believe I'll ever be the same again. I wish I could ctb, but I have four children and a disabled wife depending on me. I'm stuck in this awful life.

 

[stanner]

Yep same here, " It's like that person I used to be is already dead" is the summary of my life.

 

[GonnaGoBye]

same. all the enthusiasm, and dreams lost in a blink of an eye. all of those things lost and cannot be gained back. We will always remember our past selves but we can never be them again. Its just. I dunno, sad.

 

[thereandgone]

same. all the enthusiasm, and dreams lost in a blink of an eye. all of those things lost and cannot be gained back. We will always remember our past selves but we can never be them again. Its just. I dunno, sad.

Same here. Wish I could've gone when I still was that past self.

 

[Notmadeforthislife]

same. all the enthusiasm, and dreams lost in a blink of an eye. all of those things lost and cannot be gained back. We will always remember our past selves but we can never be them again. Its just. I dunno, sad.

And to make matters worse, the people who know us think our condition is just temporary. They seem to think someday we'll just snap out of it and be our old selves again. But that can never be.

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

Same here. I can barely recognize myself anymore. I miss that younger me

 

[thethatsitboy]

S-A-M-E

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I feel exactly the same. I look at old pictures of myself and it's like I'm looking dead woman. I hate the way I look now and the person I have become due to chronic trauma. Some people around me think I can just "get over it" and say "well you used to be different"...they don't understand the impact of trauma. I can't be who I used to be. I want to be me again...the woman who had a name, had goals and hobbies. Life robbed me of myself...I'm a shell of a person just a void now.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I went and just deleted all digital photos and threw away physical ones because I just don't recognise myself.

 

[stanner]

I feel exactly the same. I look at old pictures of myself and it's like I'm looking dead woman. I hate the way I look now and the person I have become due to chronic trauma. Some people around me think I can just "get over it" and say "well you used to be different"...they don't understand the impact of trauma. I can't be who I used to be. I want to be me again...the woman who had a name, had goals and hobbies. Life robbed me of myself...I'm a shell of a person just a void now.

same, even my family dont understand/like who i became. I fear that they remember me as how i am now and not how I used to be. I used to be so happy, motivated and sociable. Now I am full of pain and i just cant smile and do basics stuff, feels like im not alive anymore

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Exactly the same. When I think about my past I want to ctb. When I see pictures before everything went to shit, too. It sucks. When my friends told me about some things we did in the past before I was suicidal it makes me depressed. I want to die so bad

 

[Notmadeforthislife]

I feel exactly the same. I look at old pictures of myself and it's like I'm looking dead woman. I hate the way I look now and the person I have become due to chronic trauma. Some people around me think I can just "get over it" and say "well you used to be different"...they don't understand the impact of trauma. I can't be who I used to be. I want to be me again...the woman who had a name, had goals and hobbies. Life robbed me of myself...I'm a shell of a person just a void now.

Most people just don't understand how much traumatic life events can change you. And that change can't always be reversed. Some things just change you forever and there's no going back.

 

[NekoNomNom]

My boss sat down with me last week and literally told me that him and everybody else in the department "miss the old me and want me back." He then went on to say that "you just need to be positive, and you'll get that out of life." I understand that he means well, he really does. It just baffles me that anybody could think that I want to live like this; this isn't living. I wish that I could just not be this way, that I could take away all of my problems.

This hasn't gotten any better.

 

[Living_Hurts_so_Much]

My boss sat down with me last week and literally told me that him and everybody else in the department "miss the old me and want me back." He then went on to say that "you just need to be positive, and you'll get that out of life." I understand that he means well, he really does. It just baffles me that anybody could think that I want to live like this; this isn't living. I wish that I could just not be this way, that I could take away all of my problems.

This hasn't gotten any better.

I've never met anyone who understands until I found this community. People who actually know what it feels like.

 

[Notmadeforthislife]

My boss sat down with me last week and literally told me that him and everybody else in the department "miss the old me and want me back." He then went on to say that "you just need to be positive, and you'll get that out of life." I understand that he means well, he really does. It just baffles me that anybody could think that I want to live like this; this isn't living. I wish that I could just not be this way, that I could take away all of my problems.

This hasn't gotten any better.

People like your boss just don't understand. You can't just flip a switch and fix yourself.

 

[Mgl91]

When I see pictures and videos of myself when I used to be happy I feel like I'm not even the same person anymore. It's like that person I used to be is already dead. People still expect me to be like I was back then, but that's not who I am anymore. I wish I could get that person back, but I can't. I used to be active with my family and productive at work. Now all of my drive and motivation is gone. I hate the person I've become, but I feel powerless to change it. My experiences in the past year have ruined me. I don't believe I'll ever be the same again. I wish I could ctb, but I have four children and a disabled wife depending on me. I'm stuck in this awful life.

everyone expects you to be the person you were when most of those people were part of the problem. I am just like you with children but I think differently, that I serve in this world if I can hardly get out of bed, if my days are sad. I have no goals but to die

 

[just_someone]

That's exactly how I feel when I see my old pictures: smiling, enjoying life, looking happy... I just can't recognize the person I used to be in the past, and it makes me feel bad because my life has become meaningless. I look desperately for physical death, but the truth is I'm already dead inside.

 

[stationarymillennial]

My boss sat down with me last week and literally told me that him and everybody else in the department "miss the old me and want me back." He then went on to say that "you just need to be positive, and you'll get that out of life." I understand that he means well, he really does. It just baffles me that anybody could think that I want to live like this; this isn't living. I wish that I could just not be this way, that I could take away all of my problems.

This hasn't gotten any better.

I'm sorry. I went to reply about your boss, but my eyes rolled so far back into my head for 10 minutes that I actually forgot what I was going to say. Oh yes! I dislike it when people say things like this. I feel blessed to have some people that get it kind of, but even then, they don't really know what it feels like. Maybe one friend off the top of my head.