Venting I'm not sure if i'll ctb soon

[Bouquet]

Since last week all i've thought about is killing myself, especially today my thoughts are so complicated, although i have not made a decision yet ('cause i have not gotten what i need to ctb lmfao) a part of me hopes that my life will get better and the other wishes my heart would stop beating, my mind is a mess now, i'm not really enjoying living.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I think there's a name for what you're feeling - hope. Sounds like you still have some. There's nothing wrong with that. It may just not be your time yet to CTB. *Usually*, all hope needs to die before someone is actually able to ctb, or circumstances have to get so bad that there's really no choice. I think that hope is a really fickle bitch, and "she" leaves when she's good and ready to leave. You may just have to ride it out as best you can until you reach that hopeless place. No doubt it's hard. Being in limbo is hard. It makes doing any kind of living hard. I don't know of anything that someone can do to speed-up the process of losing all hope. It sort of just has to happen organically, and it's different for everyone. I hope (no pun intended) that you get to where you want to be.

 

[Macc_Lad_71]

Since last week all i've thought about is killing myself, especially today my thoughts are so complicated, although i have not made a decision yet ('cause i have not gotten what i need to ctb lmfao) a part of me hopes that my life will get better and the other wishes my heart would stop beating, my mind is a mess now, i'm not really enjoying living.

always here for a chat! best wishes!

 

[UKscotty]

I believe that until we actually carry out the act, there is always hope of recovery.

Good luck whatever you decide.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I should've CTBed last year and I had so many good options to do it but I didn't - most likely bc there's still too much hope left. Living is hard dying is even harder to achieve.

I'm sorry u have to go through this.

 

[Linda]

If you are not 100% certain that you want to ctb, then don't ctb.

 

[xmissellax]

Thank you for sharing. It's really hard. Living, dying. It's all so complicated and difficult.

Right now, I feel rushed to CTB which is hard but not impossible. I still want to CTB even if I thought I might have had more time, it's still not worth to me, I don't care. If I have to CTB now I will.