I'm not even depressed

[genghis khan]

I go through bouts of psychotic depression sometimes. (I haven't been diagnosed, but when i'm experiencing it it's very obvious what i'm experiencing.) Otherwise, I feel kind of fine on a regular basis. I wake up, do my studies, and go to work. I get into unfavorable moods often, but I can't describe myself as depressed.

I would consider killing myself to be my ambition. I'm not afraid of death as i'm very religious, and i'm not afraid of the pain of bleeding out because I used to cut as a teen. Everyone dies someday, and I just like the idea of doing it myself. I like the empowerment of it.

My plan is to clean up all my things and then book a hotel room. I'm going to slit my wrist and write in my diary with the other hand to pass the time before I lose consciousness.

The only thing that's stopping me is I want to be extremely happy with life when I die. I've been in that state of euphoria before, and my biggest regret is not killing myself then.

 

[FuneralCry]

Slitting wrists isn't exactly the most reliable method from what I'm aware, it's more of a self harm method instead and has a very low success rate, but anyway I do think it's true that suicide is the best way to die as it's taking control over our inevitable fate, I would always prefer to choose when I die, the reality is that we are just waiting around for death. But anyway best of luck with your plans.

 

[The anhedonic one]

Yes, having a happy, euphoric death is my ambition too.
I mean, why should leaving this world be a negative experience ?

To me it should be a joyous celebration.
I loved the film " Midsommar ".
They had beautiful celebrations and had festivals where people commited suicide when they reached a certain age.

I think that when I finally put myself out of my misery, I shall be both exited and euphoric.
I am looking forward to it so much now that even the mere thought of it makes me smile.

The normies of this world who have never been in the abyss of mental illness and existential crisis could never understand this concept of a euphoric death.
They would in all likelihood regard me as an extremely fucked-up individual.
But what the fuck do they really know anyway ?

 

[Forever Sleep]

Thanks for sharing. It's an interesting perspective- quit while you're ahead type of thing? Yeah- I certainly want to be calm if/when I CTB. I keep thinking about it like just another thing in life I don't particularly want to do but that I'll need to just get done in order to achieve the result I want. Life's been full of crap like that!

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Slitting wrists and bleeding sounds so horrible to me and it's a method with a very low success rate. I respect your wish to exit this world but personally I would look into more human methods to do so. I wish you all the best!