Welcome. I'm sorry that life has bought you here. Before I give my input, I will tell you this. I've had a few attempts and now it's to the point that if I fail again, I jeopardize my career, so I have stopped (for now).
I always feel life takes you on a journey and you have several times that you can pick to go right or left. Each route you are unable to see the route and tell how it will end, and what you will see. I think this is one of your pivitol points.
I'm pro whatever you want. I personally wouldn't feel right telling a new member to hang themselves. Yes, I could easily give you the dimensions to the rope you need and how to set it up, because that's what you are here for right? But I'm not. I understand you have struggled throughout your life and feel as you have loss your family, you are probably right. So what is my advice?
Do nothing right now. I highly advise you call your doctor and make the earliest appointment they have and tell them you need help! Your doctor can prescribe a low dose antidepressant faster. Next, I would advise you to call a local psychologist and plan to be seen. Whatever their plan is, follow it. And I know this last option you won't understand and agree to but trust me, it's a great distraction and you can find new friends. Join a dating site! You are not there necessarily to date but talk to people and it's a great distraction if not a lot of laughs!
I never believe in giving up if I didn't try 1st. Nobody has a perfect life, there will be bumps in the road, you just need to learn the skills needed to help you deal with those future bumps. Some people are on their 3rd marriage and it doesn't seem to bother them at all. Funny story, (let's escape this chaos for a moment) I met a guy on a dating site and thought I hit the lottery, I was so excited to finally meet him. So a day prior to the grand meet-up he finally confessed he had been married 4 times previously but that shouldn't be a deferent for me because he happily wanted to be married a 5th time with me. I couldn't believe my luck lol. I didn't feel the same anymore, I had completed loss interest that quick. He obviously didn't respect his vows and his religion. I didn't know how to tell him i didn't want to meet anymore. The next day was the grand finale. We spoke earlier that day on video as we usually do and as meet-up time got closer, he disappeared! My feelings were hurt but I wanted to be the one to say I didn't want him, not the other way around! But, I realized, that's exactly what I needed to happen and it worked itself out!
My point is, I hear you and I'm able to empathize with you. If I knew you personally I would even cry with you. But, I would never hand you the rope without you trying to work through all of this 1st. I'm happy you're here and feel safe admitting that, it must be a relief to finally be able to say that. If nothing I've said is helpful that's ok too, it only cost me a few minutes of my time. Suicide should never be the 1st answer when times get extremely difficult.
If you do decide to go, then I wish you safe travels. I hope you get the desired outcome of whatever you decided. I truly wish you the best. Sending you virtual hugs and kisses
