Venting i'm never gonna see her again.

[lessonlearned]

i know that she probably hated me anyways but out of all the people that i hate i really liked her. i'm so dumb for not doing anything about it. now she'll just be ingrained in my memory until i'm dead. she had a lot of the same problems that i have. but once again, no one will ever love me and as my date gets closer and closer i know that i need to get out of here. my heart is too fucking broken to put back together. nothing will ever piece it back together. why do i have to be so sensitive. i wish i was perfect.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds so painful what you are going through. This life is just so depressing. I'm sorry that you suffer so much. I hope that you find relief from your pain in whatever you decide to do.

 

[Aboutblue]

I'm not sure what you're going through but I could have written the title of your post. My ex girlfriend of 9 years said she'll never speak to me again. It's been a month since she told me that and a year since she left but it feels like it's been 10 years. I wish I could just lie down and never wake up again. Nothing is so painful as knowing you ruined everything and the person you love wants nothing to do with you.

If you have a date coming up, maybe give it a chance? It could be fun. I know that sounds terribly glib and I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

 

[September5th]

Feel your pain. Also fucked up to the point of no come back. Good luck dealing with it. I'm in severe depression right now.
We'll both be fine eventually. Just gotta keep living

 

[Rational man]

Sensitivity is a gift but it needs controlling which i discovered after much pain. Perfection is fable!. Isnt that true for everyone so be a bit kinder to YOU if you can.

 

[hopelessdreams]

If you have a date coming up, maybe give it a chance? It could be fun. I know that sounds terribly glib and I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

i don't think they meant date as in a romantic date, but the date they set to ctb.. correct me if im wrong tho!

 

[lessonlearned]

i don't think they meant date as in a romantic date, but the date they set to ctb.. correct me if im wrong tho!

yeah thats what i meant thats my fault i probably should have worded it better

 

[hopelessdreams]

yeah thats what i meant thats my fault i probably should have worded it better

no worries, we understand <3. i'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. you spent nearly a decade with your girl, that's more than attachment and love, that's building a life together. it's been a month since she has said that. id think.. maybe give it a little more time? i don't know what happens between you guys but maybe she'll reach out to try and work things out.. whatever you decide on, we're here for you every step of the way

 

[Aboutblue]

yeah thats what i meant thats my fault i probably should have worded it better

Oh my gosh I'm so dumb. Obviously that's what was meant. Uhh well in that case I take back what I said lol

Getting your heart broken sucks. Is that the reason you're planning to ctb or is it just one of them?

 

[lessonlearned]

Oh my gosh I'm so dumb. Obviously that's what was meant. Uhh well in that case I take back what I said lol

Getting your heart broken sucks. Is that the reason you're planning to ctb or is it just one of them?

no ur not. and yeah, it's one of the reasons. there are a lot. i guess its the only one that i can feel in my heart. it give me sadness its one of the only things i dont feel numb about currently, its something i could cry over.

 

[September5th]

Do you also feel that weird void in your heart? As in, you know that you had something special and you lost it? It's what's been bothering me the most. Sure, I hate to know that she's seeing other people, I feel lonely and all of that other stuff. But I guess this feeling of loss is the worst part.
It's so weird. She was everything I've ever wanted and I got there. But then I lost it all... No other girl is gonna replace her, that's for sure. Hooking up with them makes me feel even worse.

How are you coping with it? It's so fucking depressing. I don't really want to be depressed. I spent the whole day today doing nothing. I lost all of my strength and happiness. I guess I have other problems, but even then...

 

[lessonlearned]

Do you also feel that weird void in your heart? As in, you know that you had something special and you lost it? It's what's been bothering me the most. Sure, I hate to know that she's seeing other people, I feel lonely and all of that other stuff. But I guess this feeling of loss is the worst part.
It's so weird. She was everything I've ever wanted and I got there. But then I lost it all... No other girl is gonna replace her, that's for sure. Hooking up with them makes me feel even worse.

How are you coping with it? It's so fucking depressing. I don't really want to be depressed. I spent the whole day today doing nothing. I lost all of my strength and happiness. I guess I have other problems, but even then...

yeah i can relate 100%, unfortunately ive felt this way twice now. maybe it wouldn't be so bad if the memories of them didn't hurt me so much. and yeah same, she will never be replaced by anyone better. it makes me wonder why i should even bother continuing because im aware of that fact. to be honest, i'm not coping with it very well, i'm constantly feeling heartbroken/sad and im using bad coping mechanisms. i also spend my days not doing much just sleeping or listening to music. i hate the feeling of anhedonia, no feelings of pleasure, feeling extremely weak, yet i've been feeling it for such a long time.

 

[September5th]

Damn. I guess we're in the same situation. Literally. I honestly don't want to find anyone else. I know it will never be the same. There will always be comparisons. The girls I'm hooking up with are pretty, but I can't feel anything. To be honest, talking to other people and pretending that I'm fine is starting to tire me in general. I can't enjoy a single damn thing in my day.
It's almost surreal. She was right here in my arms not too long ago. This girl truly loved me. How did I fuck things up so badly? How did I fell into this hole? A couple of months ago I was literally sleeping at her side and now this... Fuck. The memories... The damn memories are now torture weapons.
I don't want to continue either.

 

[lessonlearned]

Damn. I guess we're in the same situation. Literally. I honestly don't want to find anyone else. I know it will never be the same. There will always be comparisons. The girls I'm hooking up with are pretty, but I can't feel anything. To be honest, talking to other people and pretending that I'm fine is starting to tire me in general. I can't enjoy a single damn thing in my day.
It's almost surreal. She was right here in my arms not too long ago. This girl truly loved me. How did I fuck things up so badly? How did I fell into this hole? A couple of months ago I was literally sleeping at her side and now this... Fuck. The memories... The damn memories are now torture weapons.
I don't want to continue either.

"the memories are now torture weapons" thats so true. i guess im just tired of everything. i avoid people and im basically a recluse now. ill probably stay that way until i can find someone that i like but that will probably never happen again. people just never meet my expectations, i feel like the odd one out constantly.

 

[Un-]

"the memories are now torture weapons" thats so true. i guess im just tired of everything. i avoid people and im basically a recluse now. ill probably stay that way until i can find someone that i like but that will probably never happen again. people just never meet my expectations, i feel like the odd one out constantly.

Sorry to butt in, but I'm also going through some shit similar. Who knew someone who loved you so much, could hurt you this bad? At least I know better... Going full recluse this time. Too many heartbreaks; I learned my lesson. Loving someone will always put you back in this state, eventually. It could be the most perfect, ideal relationship but because everything ends and people die, I'll just end up back here, feeling much, much worse.

It's better to be alone. I'd rather take loneliness, over this again. This entire ordeal - the stress of loving another person.. The drama they bring. The arguments you have. The fear you feel when they start losing interest. So much of it.. I'd rather deal with being alone. At least, alone, I don't have to worry about hurting anyone when I kill myself. I can get used to loneliness - better yet, less things will hurt me. Better to be alone, I think. I don't know.

Goodluck man. It's a rough world out there for people with a broken heart.

 

[September5th]

Un, you're so right. I wonder sometimes... What if we never met again to begin with? What if she stayed as this childhood friend who I don't really talk all of that much, but love just as I did when I was 12? Would it be worth it?
Yes and no. The truth is that this whole situation is surreal. This girl loved me for so long and now we don't even talk to each other anymore. It's very awkward to think that I met her family, she met my family and we did so many things together. In a way, it's better to have lived this experience than not, as so many things happened and I matured as a person. However, the pain I'm feeling right now is real.

Just wish I could go back and hug that girl who said yes to me on that park, who invented me for a sleepover in her birthday, who traveled with me to other cities, who would proudly say that she's with me.
But those are memories right now. Bittersweet, I guess.

 

[lessonlearned]

Sorry to butt in, but I'm also going through some shit similar. Who knew someone who loved you so much, could hurt you this bad? At least I know better... Going full recluse this time. Too many heartbreaks; I learned my lesson. Loving someone will always put you back in this state, eventually. It could be the most perfect, ideal relationship but because everything ends and people die, I'll just end up back here, feeling much, much worse.

It's better to be alone. I'd rather take loneliness, over this again. This entire ordeal - the stress of loving another person.. The drama they bring. The arguments you have. The fear you feel when they start losing interest. So much of it.. I'd rather deal with being alone. At least, alone, I don't have to worry about hurting anyone when I kill myself. I can get used to loneliness - better yet, less things will hurt me. Better to be alone, I think. I don't know.

Goodluck man. It's a rough world out there for people with a broken heart.

thank you and yeah i feel ya i cant imagine having to feel this way for a third time i think its just better for me to be alone to avoid heartbreak. and that first thing is so true, how could someone switch up so quickly

 

[Aboutblue]

Really relate. I wish I was dead. I don't know why killing yourself is so fucking hard. Every day is torture without her.

 

[FindingTheEnd]

Feel your pain. Also fucked up to the point of no come back. Good luck dealing with it. I'm in severe depression right now.
We'll both be fine eventually. Just gotta keep living

I feel exactly the same as you. This shit basically trigerred my depression. However i won't be fine, ill prolly kill myself instead. The pain is too much and i know its all my fault.

 

[September5th]

Oh, no... Don't get me wrong. I won't be fine either. Loneliness, guilt, jealousy and memories are going to destroy me until there's nothing left. That was me trying to lift the op up, as he may be in a better place than me. I'm doomed. It's either gonna be a mediocre and lonely life or suicide. I'll choose the latter.
I deserve this suffering. That's reality.

 

[hockeymum9999]

I'm not sure what you're going through but I could have written the title of your post. My ex girlfriend of 9 years said she'll never speak to me again. It's been a month since she told me that and a year since she left but it feels like it's been 10 years. I wish I could just lie down and never wake up again. Nothing is so painful as knowing you ruined everything and the person you love wants nothing to do with you.

If you have a date coming up, maybe give it a chance? It could be fun. I know that sounds terribly glib and I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

I wish every day that I won't wake up. But somehow I still do.

 

[FindingTheEnd]

Oh, no... Don't get me wrong. I won't be fine either. Loneliness, guilt, jealousy and memories are going to destroy me until there's nothing left. That was me trying to lift the op up, as he may be in a better place than me. I'm doomed. It's either gonna be a mediocre and lonely life or suicide. I'll choose the latter.
I deserve this suffering. That's reality.

yep.

 

[Funeralprincess]

Damn. I guess we're in the same situation. Literally. I honestly don't want to find anyone else. I know it will never be the same. There will always be comparisons. The girls I'm hooking up with are pretty, but I can't feel anything. To be honest, talking to other people and pretending that I'm fine is starting to tire me in general. I can't enjoy a single damn thing in my day.
It's almost surreal. She was right here in my arms not too long ago. This girl truly loved me. How did I fuck things up so badly? How did I fell into this hole? A couple of months ago I was literally sleeping at her side and now this... Fuck. The memories... The damn memories are now torture weapons.
I don't want to continue either.

I'm replying to this late as I often find myself wandering into the heartbreak threads. I feel the same as you. I've met men who are on the same level as my previous partner (well off, handsome, sweet, caring, etc) and I feel nothing for them even if I'm attracted to them. It feels I'm living a lie, I'm only going through the motions so I now find myself alone and isolated because I can't bear to continue to pretend like I can feel something for someone else. I knew my previous partner was my soulmate when I realized I cannot love another. He's out there fully moved on, whereas I'm left picking up the pieces of my shattered heart and it's been four years