Venting I'm messed up lmfao

[allym101]

I've spent the last five ish months in the psych ward and i stg that place has made me a full blown looney. I self harm ALOT now and the weird thing is, when I see the blood I get this pleasurable feeling. It's so beautiful and alluring to me. I often fantasize about being stabbed to death as well and it makes me smile. When i see someone with bruises or scars, I'm super attracted to them. I'm f#cked up in the head. I'm not stopping till i'm dead. How is it fair that i have to stay alive just "because"? Because what, you need me to join the working class and fund a corrupt government? You want me to have kids and end up traumatizing them with all my issues? I hate when people say "nooo you have so much to live for" like shut up man. Some people really have no idea what it feels like to truly HATE living. I don't necessarily mean being depressed or sad, I mean full out people who just hate the world and are done.

 

[Ghost2211]

That's heavy, I'm sorry to hear you're suffering so much. Are you just super into self harm, or having psychopathic tendencies? Life and and death are your choice, and nobody but you should make that choice for you.

 

[allym101]

That's heavy, I'm sorry to hear you're suffering so much. Are you just super into self harm, or having psychopathic tendencies? Life and and death are your choice, and nobody but you should make that choice for you.

I don't even know at this point. I'm jacked up on so many antidepressants and benzodiazepines, I think I cut just to feel something. It's the only thing I can control in my life.

 

[almost_dead]

noooo you have so much to live for

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

How is it fair that i have to stay alive just "because"?

Exactly. No one has provided me with a good reason for this yet. It's just "because."

I'm sorry for all the pain you're experiencing. I've never self-harmed so I don't know what that's like. I have thought of it, though. I know it would be horrifically painful, but I wouldn't mind if someone stabbed me to death. Anything where I don't have to do the work myself...

 

[grungeCat]

Yes, I agree it's very pleasant to see my own blood dripping out of the arm. I also fantasize about a pretty, sadistic girl who would like to stab my arm or whatever body part she would choose I also like to poison myself with meds. Mixing up alcohol with antibiotics or painkillers results in tachycardia and mild stomach & head ache. It feels good to finally forget about my awkwardness.

 

[kappa098]

It's seriously so annoying that some people genuinely believe that no one should be allowed to ctb. It's as if you don't own your life, like your living for other people.