Help I'm mentally falling apart!

[ALittleBurden]

I need someone to talk to, because lately I'm going insane like never before and I'm so fucking scared! My chest hurts, I want to cry and I feel stuck.

I feel devastated because I really can't take being alive anymore, but I'm so anxious - I start to believe that death is something so hard to achieve that it might be impossible for me. I'm getting horrible panic attacks from that thought and I really don't know how to bear with it.

I'm deeply concerned that whatever I'll try, I'll either fail by myself, be found, or just chicken out and give up on some method. My problems come from the facts that:
1. I'm not living on my own, so to ctb at home I'd have to be very discreet.
2. I have horrible anxiety and no way to medicate it, so attempt to do it outside might end up with panic attack and abandoning this idea.

I really hope that it's just my psyche playing games with me, that sooner or later I'll be able to think rationally and I'll find some good way to ctb; but what if I can't either live on nor off myself? I can't do this... I can't do either... I hope I'll get a heart attack from all this panic...

 

[pole]

sorry you're feeling this way. if you ever need anyone to talk to, myself and others are all ears. you can also feel free to drop by into chat which is relatively active whenever you need someone to talk to and let all ur emotions out to, which can serve as a distraction as well.

hope you feel better.